Broadway Legend Joined: 9/20/04
Hi b_s_t!
I can't sleep.
Say something boring.
Tiff.
Broadway Legend Joined: 9/20/04
which is why i love ellie.
Broadway Legend Joined: 9/20/04
night, love
Oh crap! Why didn't you tell me Ellie was online? I would have come back and given her my daily harrassment.
Hogging me for yourself, were you BST.
I wanna hog you to myself too!! *wink*
Im guessing no on is here now..
Broadway Legend Joined: 11/2/04
I can't believe I missed Ellie last night! And she didn't even respond to my "Where are you, I miss youuuuuu" PM!
Cam? You still around?
Yeah I'm here..
How are you?
Broadway Legend Joined: 11/2/04
Meh. Okay. I seriously did not get to sleep until... very late. HOURS after I went to bed. So I slept right through lecture this morning. Ugh. Which means that I'm going to have my friends knocking on the F*CKing door going, "Where were you?" "We're concerned about you?" "Are you sure you're okay?" when all I want is for them to piss off! *takes a deep breath* This is the second day that I feel like being completely anti-social. Help!
Ouch!! I know how you feel..today is the first day i didn't have to drag my A$$ out of bed.. I woke up with relative ease for work yet instead of getting ready I got online..
Broadway Legend Joined: 11/2/04
And online is glad to have you!
Yesterday I managed to ignore the banging on my door and the phone ringing... they all just think I'm a really heavy sleeper and that I'm sick. They're not even my close friends... I should just tell them to go away, and that I need some time to figure some stuff out. But I feel bad because they're apparently concerned with me holing myself up in my room for days.
they arrre probably jsut afraid you are spending all your time on the internet in chat rooms and chat forums, meeting crazy psycho people and putting yourself at risk.. You know thats not true and I know thats not.... **trails off** Ok well aside from Tiff I know thats not true..
It's nice to have people care, however it gets annoying when you dont want the attention.. Isnt it funny that is seems no one cares when you want them too, and everyone cares when you dont want them too??
Broadway Legend Joined: 11/2/04
That's exactly it, Cam! Whenever I want to go out and do something, there's nobody that wants to come along! As soon as I'm in a funk, the incessant knocking begins. Some yesterday suggested a sign on my door saying, "Personal Day. Come back in 24 hours." but I don't feel the need to have everyone on my floor know what I'm doing! Besides, I've put "Napping, piss off." signs up before, and they still bother me. I just want to crawl under my desk and disappear.
Damn, I'm usually the chipper one on here!
FUUUUCCCKKKK! There goes the first round of knocking. I just stayed perfectly still until they went away. I can't DO this all day!
DAMN!! that sucks.. It's ok though.. you will get through it..
It's ok for even the "chipper" ones to have an off day.. believe it or not I'm the chipper one amongst my friends and coworkers..
Broadway Legend Joined: 11/2/04
*curls up in a ball and cries* I wish I drank.
dont cry!!
**hands Allie a hot apple cider**
It's ok.. it will get better..
So tell me any ideas why you are feeling anti social??
Broadway Legend Joined: 11/2/04
*curls up on couch in Dr. Cam's office*
Well, currently I'm going through a "stay at school, don't stay at school" crisis, and it's really taking a lot out of me. I know I should stay, but the more I think about it, the more I can't picture myself here for another 3 years. Hell, I'm even highly doubting that I'll pass this year. It's really hard, because I was always such a good student in high school. Being here makes me want to... NOT be here.
See, now I know this is getting REALLY into personal stuff, and maybe should not be posted here, but I want help with this! I know nobody but me can make the decision, but have you gone through this? (anyone else eho posts here, too) I don't have any idea what to do. My mother is going to have a fit, I just know it... a whole year's tuition, wasted.
*cries*
It's not uncommon to have doubts about the direction your life is taking.. many people that are initially gung ho for college find that it's really not their cup of tea.. Dont feel guilty about questioning where you are going and what you are doing. This is the rest of your life we are talking about here, no one elses.. The other thing you need to consider is what you are studying what you really want to do. Maybe it's not college, but your career/major choice.. I would spend some time thinking long and hard about what you want out of life and where you want to go.. you need to find what will make you happy. There is no sense being miserable for the rest of your life.. If you are studying what you need to study for what you truely want to become then maybe there is something else underlying that really isn't school at all..
Broadway Legend Joined: 11/2/04
It's a terrifying thought for me, to not continue on with this. I mean, I've been wanting to study journalism at King's for YEARS now, but I can't see that happening.
I already have plans to live with a really close friend next year. She's going to be upset. But I think she's someone I can talk to, face to face, about this... maybe I'll invite her over sometime this week. I would love to stay in the city, no matter what happens, though.
Thanks, Cam, that was really helpful. It made me cry a little, but not much doesn't these days. *hugs*
That's a good idea, get together with your friend and have a nice chat.. You have some soul searching to do.. Seriously though the best advice I can give you is to live for yourself. you have to do what makes you happy.. it's a sad idea but in the end the only person that will ALWAYS be there for you, is you. your family, your friends they will com eand go and you will sadly lose them. You have to live for yourself. Dont live in fear of what tomorrow may or may not bring. And dont be afraid to change your mind.. You say you have wanted to study journalism at Kings for years, but it's ok to change your mind.. Thats one of the wonderful things about being human, we can make choices and even change our minds mid process.. try to live so that you have as few regrets as possible. as for your parents, they love you and they want you to be happy. they will understand. It may not be easy for them but they will understand if not immediately, in time..
Broadway Legend Joined: 11/2/04
You're good at this, you know that? This really means a lot, Cam. Thank you.
I'm not looking forward to conversing with my mother about this, but it has to be done. I think Dad will be a little easier.
Well I'm sure it wont be easy especially if you have an underlying concern of them being disappointed. That is why it is important to do your soul searching now. dont jump to any conclusions and dont make any hasty decisions. They will ask you questions, they will want to know your reasoning, and that you are sure this is what you want. You have to be able to answer those questions. If you can't they may try to conivince you that what you want is to continue in the direction you are going. Dont give anyone the upper hand of guilt or uncertainty (on your part).. They will use it against you.. decide what you want and hold to your convictions.. LIVE FOR YOURSELF!!! If you spend your whole life trying to do what makes everyone around you happy and forget to take care of yourself, when you look back on your life you will be angry, bitter and regretful.. Dont let that happen to you.. It's not worth it.. You are only here for a little while, make the most of it.. But most importantly FOLLOW YOUR HEART it wont lead you astray..
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