Vincent Gallo's Sperm

[MargoChanning]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:06pm

Wish I were making this up. Go to his website for this and other items you can buy from him --

"Vincent Gallo's Sperm

$1 Million

Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself. Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi talented in all creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle racing. Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt. Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female. Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo's sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child.

**Clicking "Buy Now" will charge a $1,000 deposit via Paypal. The remaining balance will be due by cashiers check, wire transfer, or personal check and is due within seven days of purchase date. Item will ship when full payment has cleared."
http://www.vgmerchandise.com/

[katygrace84]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:10pm

And I imagine that every woman that man has ever slept with is now relieved that she didn't have to pay him for the experience.

[Calvin]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:11pm

Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration.

Excuse me? Updated On: 11/30/05 at 04:11 PM

[YouWantitWhen????]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:11pm

Ewww and Ewww again.

[ZONEACE]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:12pm

How arrogant can you get?

[RobbO]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:14pm

if this thread does not say "family entertainment" nothing does.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:15pm

....wish I had thought of it!

[RobbO]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:16pm

oh, and i don't know who i would want to father my child less - david crosby or vincent gallo.

[paradox_error]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:18pm

Oh my.

oh...my...

[melissa errico fan]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:21pm

Gallo just gets crazier and crazier by the second...

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:24pm

I'm having a sale.

[paradox_error]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:25pm

You can father my babies any time you like, just for your Kath and Kim love alone...

[LittleFish8386]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:26pm

I wonder how much Brad Pitt could sell his sperm for...

[gettinhep]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:28pm

Gee, he really knows how to put the romance into procreation.

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:30pm

Not such a great hunk of spunk, that one...crikey.

[Calvin]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:30pm

OK, I just actually sat and read the whole thing. This is a joke, right? Right? I mean, the Jewish thing and the German soldier thing was just too much.

[RobbO]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:31pm

seriously wacky, did anyone see this coming?

[cheezedoodle]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:33pm

I have NO idea who this guy is...his website is crazy! His sperm is listed at the bottom of the "Misc" section - under his childhood Hopalong Cassidy bedspread which is also for sale. The photos of him look very Charles Manson to me.

[Calvin]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:34pm

I just think the price is really jacked up.

[RobbO]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:35pm

come again?

[Calvin]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:36pm

I can't get my hands around it, but this is really rubbing me the wrong way.

[cheezedoodle]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:36pm

Ah - I think I get the jizzz-st of where you are going with this.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:36pm

Oh Calvin, that is funny!

I feel stupid for giving it away for free!

...and thanks, Doxy...btw, for that I'll change my avatar back for ya!

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:39pm

Kath n'Kim is my newest obsession.

[RobbO]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 4:39pm

i'm sure you can buy a pearl necklace for at least half that price.