What Do You Guys Think? (adult/minor relationship)

[ljay889]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:13pm

I am curious what you guys think on here.

Is it completely wrong for a mature teen male to have a relationship with a man in his 20's? I know, its illegal. But if the man treats him right - do you think it's okay? Do you think if there is really something there - it's worth the risk?

I am not saying I'm in a relationship like this. But I just want to know what you think about this.

[The8re phan]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:23pm

i'll try and put my usual dry humor aside and answer this ---

when i first came out, about age 15, I fell head over heels in love with a man in his mid-twenties. Or what I thought at the time was love. Things happened, one thing led to another, and boom. I was new meat, wasn't wise to the differences between sex and love, and ended up a notch in the bed post. Mind you, empty sex can be fun, but it can be quite confusing while your hand is still on the closet door-knob. At that tender age, it's quite hard to seperate sex and love. And thou the age difference may not seem that large, the experiences between those years are life-altering.

My advice, to you or whomever ---- Relax......you are young, and have alot coming your way. BE CAREFUL. And buy me a drink when you're 21

Updated On: 7/18/05 at 07:23 PM

[Elphaba]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:23pm

it is not worth going to jail for.
If there is something there, it will STILL be there when the teen is legal.

Having said that, I do feel the adult needs to possibly look into why he feels the need for a relationship with someone not an adult.

Be specific.....what age is the "mature teen male".

A 21 yr-old with a 17 yr old, is MUCH different than a 21yr old with a 15yr old....

[Michael Bennett]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:26pm

Well, the question you have to ask is what would the 25 year old possibly want out of a relationship with a teenager?

[ljay889]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:26pm

I don't feel like giving away too many details. But trust me when I say I am not in a relationship like this right now. I don't want everyone too think I am.

Oh, and I am the teen male - if you didn't know lol. I'm not the man.

But just to get a little from a really hot man. Is it wrong? Will it leave me hurt (emotionally)?
Updated On: 7/18/05 at 07:26 PM

[gymman]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:30pm

Please read Michael Bennett's response very carefully. An adult who dates a teen, gay or straight, is not into an "equal" relationship. The teen may have some power sexually, but otherwise the power is with the adult.

NONONONONONONONONO...gay or straight.

[ljay889]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:31pm

Hmmm. I appreciate the responses. Because I have some thinking too do.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:33pm

"But trust me when I say I am not in a relationship like this right now. I don't want everyone too think I am.

Oh, and I am the teen male - if you didn't know lol. I'm not the man."

Did you mean to just completely contradict yourself?

[gymman]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:33pm

Not to mention that there is a witchhunt on now for "child molesters" so depending on the age of consent in your state, this could be a crime.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:33pm

I don't think age is a factor in a legal relationship (meaning, both parties are over 1. If you're not on the same emotional/mental level, then I don't think it'll work.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:33pm

Being a straight female, I don't know how much help I can provide. Personally, I think that age is a number, but obviously within a LOT of logical reason. Though it happens, it doesn't make much sense to me what someone in their twenties would want with someone who is say... fifteen. Though as you get older, I think age differences matter less and less, as that age, it almost seems silly - what's going to come of it? Probably not a serious relationship.

But, if both of you truly are in it just to get some, and you are thoroughly convinced that that's what you're looking for, then maybe it's not such a terrible thing - again, depending on what exactly the age difference is, and how safe you actually do feel. A lot of this is so dependent on the specific situation, for obvious reasons. But with your question the potential to be hurt emotionally, you hit on something really important. I think emotional attachment can come and bite you in the ass at really inopportune times, but it's such a personal thing. Some people can have involvement and simply turn off their emotions, and some people develop and keep emotional attachments. Granted, physical acts like what seem to be being implied here ARE inherently emotional, and I think they have to be handled carefully. Say you start out just wanting to "get a little," but you were to end up falling for this guy, though he was still just looking to get some. You could end up hurt. But, you could end up hurt in any relationship, I guess. I suppose that just because with an age difference over such a gap of maturity, being that one person in question is a teenager, with people in two very different stages of life, it might be much easier to get hurt.

Honestly, though, you need to do what you feel comfortable with.

[Michael Bennett]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:34pm

Exactly GYM. There is a difference between being an adult in their 20s with "friendships" with teenagers, when the friendship is casual or of a mentoring nature (I think I have some of those on this message board) but for an adult to take advantage of a teenager sexually is just not right, even if the teen is mature or already sexually active, etc.

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:35pm

this is something i have been thinking about lately, not because of myself, but because of a family member i am worried about.
please be careful you don't get hurt and really think things through.

[The8re phan]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:36pm

thank you Michael...... very eloquently put!!!

[Unknown User]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:38pm

I think before you consider having sex with anyone!, perhaps you can try and figure out when to use the preposition "to" and when to use the adverb "too."


Updated On: 7/18/05 at 07:38 PM

[ljay889]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:38pm

lol Rath. Thanks for pointing that out. I meant I am not in the relationship. But it's something I have to think about as the teen male.


Chita, maybe you can think about going bye-bye. Updated On: 7/18/05 at 07:38 PM

[gymman]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:42pm

Now, now, Chita

Michael--The idea of friendship/mentoring is wonderful! have a close friend who disagrees with me, and we have had heated discusssions about this. I am a college professor, and I have seen first-hand the destruction that can be wrought on young men and women. All relationships have a power balance, and it is rare for the teen to have that balance in his/her favor. This is especially true when the "adult" is in any position of authority.

[ljay889]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:44pm

Gym and Michael- I am really appreciating the wise words. They are very helpful.

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:44pm

If you think this guy has relationship potential, than he shouldn't mind waiting a few more months to make it legal. You're 17, if you think you could be with this guy for awhile, a few more months of friendship can only help your relationship. If neither of you think you can wait until then, it probably isn't worth the risk of felony conviction.

However, depending on what state you're in, the age of consent varies and can be younger than 18.

[gymman]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 7:48pm

Trust me...we care!
Anytime you need to talk, just post.
Sex is so damn powerful--sometimes we think it will be just sex, and then all hell breaks lose.

[gymman]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 8:01pm

Don't get me wrong--I always dated older men, at least until I became one.
It's just the teenage thing that really bothers me.

[The8re phan]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 8:02pm

I'm starting to feel that this message board should guest star Sue Johanson

[gymman]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 8:03pm

u got me on that one???

[Unknown User]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 8:04pm

I know. For me now, "older men" means 50's and 60's
Updated On: 7/18/05 at 08:04 PM

[gymman]

Posted: 7/18/05 at 8:06pm

LOL Chita--you are so right! Now, I'm happy with guys in their 40's.