What makes a question inappropriate or controversial?

[Behind_the_Spotlight]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 1:33pm

This is something that's been on my mind for a while and I was wondering what other people think.

A few weeks ago a friend told me about a movie called School Ties. She'd seen it when she was younger and had liked it, and recently found out that Anthony Rapp was in it, did I want to watch it with her? So we did. For those who might not know, School Ties is a movie about a Jewish boy who gets a football scholarship to a Christian high school, where he is forced to hide that he is Jewish. Many of the characters are very anti-semetic, including Anthony's. We enjoyed the movie, but it made us curious. "Hm. Anthony Rapp played this jerk anti-Semite in this movie, and he plays a Jew in Rent. I wonder what, if any, relegion he actually follows?"

We tried looking it up but the answer was nowhere to be found. We figured it was because he's not some giant movie star who everyone knows everything about, so my friend asked on some message board if anyone there knew. We thought it was an innocent question. We were *not* expecting the reaction we got. People started attacking her, demanding to know what difference it made, practically accusing her of bigotry. It was kind of nuts.

The fact of the matter was, to use, anyway, it *didn't* make a difference. Not in our opinion of him as a person, not in our views of him as an actor. We were just curious. We're human. As such, we're inquisitive by nature. (Or maybe we're just nosy... I'll admit that.) We didn't intend to offend anyone by asking; honestly, it never seemed to be any different than some people wanting to know what their favorite actor's prefered toothpaste is, or what zodiac sign they fall under. The controversy took us completely by surprise.

So now I turn to you. What, in your opinions, constitutes an inappropriate question about someone? Is it the intent behind the question? Is it the content of the question, regardless of the spirit it was asked in? Are there some questions that just shouldn't be asked?

My personal opinion is I never ask a question that I'm not comfortable having someone else ask me. I'm willing to tell people that I have a Jewish grandfather, a grandpa whose relegion I know nothing about, a Baptist grandma and a generally Christian grandma. My mom hates relegion, my dad is pretty vague, and my step-mom is Catholic. Me, I'd consider myself a borderline Buddhist Agnathiest (meaning I don't believe in god until something bad happens, and then I hope really hard, and if I were spiritual Buddhism is the closest of anything to what I believe.) It seems to me that asking someone who is uncomfortable discussing his or her beliefs is inappropriate, but in this case, since he had indeed played both sides of that spectrum, it didn't seem like all that unreasonable of a thing to wonder.

This does not have to be confined to just relegion. Any topic that is considered controversial is up for scrutiny. I'm honestly interested in what other people have to say about this.

Also, this is *not* intended to drag poor Anthony into the middle of YET ANOTHER huge debate. I only use him as an example because he was the one I happened to ask about in the first place. If he has an opinion on the matter, he's welcome to share it. If he'd rather stay out of it, I completely understand. :)

[lildogs]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 1:39pm

I'd say that inappropriate or controversial questons are those which people feel afraid or embarassed to answer.

[Behind_the_Spotlight]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 2:02pm

So if a person makes a statement or plays a role that has to do with the subject, is it fair agem to ask about?

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 2:26pm

It all depends. It's one of those things where you have to use your better judgement. And regardless, it seems someone will always find something to argue about.

For example, I never have a problem with people asking me about my ethnic background. I'm latin, but I could pass for greek or middle eastern. BUT I have a friend who looks latin, but he's not. And he gets very offended when people ask him about his background. He thinks it's rude.

I personally would've asked the same question.

[lildogs]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 2:30pm

Of course you can ASK, Behind, that doesn't mean you'll get an answer. I don't think asking whether or not Anthony Rapp is Jewish is over the line, asking him if he's a bottom probably is. I think it's wise to use your better judgment--would you ask someone playing a child molester if he or she really was one? Doubtful; but asking racial background wouldn't offend me. Very little does.

[katygrace84]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 2:32pm

In the context of your situation, this does not seem at all inappropriate or controversial. However I can also understand that religion is a very personal and private thing for some people. Someone who lives in the spotlight might want this part of their life to stay private. So in answer to your question, I would say that whether or not an inquiry is inappropriate would have to be defined by the person who has been asked.

[DG]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 2:39pm

I think some of it might depend on the perception of the type of information being requested. For example, I personally couldn't care less if someone asks about my sexuality, but it's obvious that that type of information could be used negatively by others. For some people, depending on their life experience, questions about religion could lead to the same type of difficulty or uncomfortableness.

[Di2]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 3:43pm

People are bored and they will turn your words around and create drama that doesn't even exist.

I have found that on this message board at least.


Anthony wouldn't mind such a question at all. He is a very open kind and forthcoming person.

Sorry you and your friends got beaten up for even asking.

You did nothing wrong and that was a perfectly acceptable question..

[etoile]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 4:28pm

This is one of the most gentle open boards you'll find and B_t_S did not indicate the question was asked here.

Why would anyone assume to speak for another over what someone may or may not mind being asked?

Personal questions are described as PERSONAL for a reason.

[Behind_the_Spotlight]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 5:07pm

No, the question was *not* asked on BWW. I just brought it here because it seems like the people on this board are generally much more well-informed and willing to engage in actual discussion than a flame fest like where we were before. :)

Another thing that stood out to me: Doesn't people getting so defensive about a subject hurt rather than help their cause? By acting like it's such a taboo subject, doesn't that imply that there's something to be defensive about? If they think it's not a big deal, they shouldn't treat it like it's a big deal.

[DG]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 5:15pm

B_t_S ~ In theory, you're absolutely right (at least I think so.) However, when dealing with the real world, there are sometimes very real repurcussions to what are considered 'touchy subjects' - and even though there SHOULDN'T be anything wrong with the topic, it is up to the individual to make that choice for themselves as to whether they want to deal with public awareness (and what that might entail.)

It's an interesting thing, this societal impulse to 'share' information about lives with each other. It really wasn't THAT long ago that certain topics just weren't discussed or broached in public.