When the ex moves on...

[colleen_lee]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 5:41pm

Why is that even though I don't want to be with him anymore, and have been in other relationships since him, it makes me oddly nauseous to know that he is with someone else?

[Guido Contini]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 5:43pm

there's no rhyme or reason to this, c_l...it happens to us all. I have an ex that I broke up with over 4 years ago and it still makes me sick and slightly sad to know she's finding love again. *shrug*

it'll end eventually, trust me.

[BigFatBlonde]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 5:43pm

Because you are human.

Suggestion:

remove Sunday in the Park with George from your playlist till things cool emotionally.

Updated On: 12/12/07 at 05:43 PM

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 5:44pm

I know how you feel Colleen. Two words that helped me ... driveby shooting.

[bobby_luvs_bway]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 5:46pm

First, it is a normal narcissistic trait all humans have. We can't get over that our ex got over us.

Second, you are oddly nauseated. Nauseous is the effect you would have on others.


Sorry, it's just a pet peeve.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 5:48pm

How about when she is trying to get pregnant with the person she moved on with? gah.

[colleen_lee]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 5:50pm

To top it off...

She's really not cute. At all. (I know, totally shallow).

I'm not sure if that should make me happy or feel really, really insecure.

[Guido Contini]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 5:55pm

oh, be happy if your ex picks a bow wow. that's always been one of my favorite moments.

[D2]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 5:58pm

Mine too!

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 6:01pm

My ex moved on quickly - 4 months after our 11-year relationship. A couple of months later, his then-bf (now partner) was brought in to choreograph a show I was in. I so wanted to not like him, but he turned out to be so nice, it was impossible to be an ass to him. And now, years later, we all get along famously.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 6:03pm

I don't think I've ever had this experience. Usually, I either breathe a huge sigh of relief that someone else is saddled with the nutcase OR they've moved on before the actual break-up has taken place and let me know via email when I'M OUT OF THE COUNTRY!!

But I have long since let that go YOU CHEATING M*THERF*CKING FIFTY-CENT STANKY PIECE OF CRACK WHORE D*CK-CHEESE!

*sigh*

In other words...count your blessings. There are worse things than being "oddly nauseous".

[Guido Contini]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 6:07pm

Bravo Mister Matt, BRAVO!

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 6:15pm

Seriously, I get "oddly nauseous" when I eat good Tex-Mex.

Violent regurgitation, however...

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 6:56pm

"Ex's getting STD's!"

[best12bars]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 7:09pm

Mister Matt---That should be set to music.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 10:00pm

Ray, I can do one better. I broke up with my ex in March 1997, then I went to Munich for a week to re-coup...as even though I did the breaking-up, it still hurt.
Can you believe that within 3 days he was sleeping with my best friend, and within 3 weeks they were "official."
Now, I was pretty shocked, pissed, maybe a bit hurt....but over 10 years later they are still together, and happy as clams.....so it was meant to be.

[PB ENT.]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 10:25pm

There's a big investment tied up in a serious relationship regardless of the length of time or quality of the partnership.
It involves your time, your heart, the whole 9 yards, often at the risk of wondering who you are pleasing.

This all comes to the fore when a relationship ends. All the thoughts and emotions rush in making you question everything about the time you spent together.

One thing you can do is be happy for the good time you spent (hopefully there were many) and don't be too hard on yourself and even the other party. We're all human. We live, learn and grow from those we spend our time with, whether it's for a day a month, a year or forever.

This is what I've learned ...and am still learning. Be happy.

[colleen_lee]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 10:43pm

My emotions on the situation just honestly surprised me. I knew he would move on eventually, and I thought I was over him and it wouldn't bother me.

We were together for 7 years and the relationship was very serious, but we have now been broken up for 2. I've since moved on to other people and it is certainly time for him to do so.

For some reason, I still feel very territorial. He was mine for so long that it is hard to fathom him being with anyone else.

Even though I realize how irrational it is, part of me doesn't want him to ever be with anyone else even though I don't want to be with him (heaven knows I've had my chances to get back together with him, multiple times).

[MotorTink]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 10:48pm

I understand. I broke up with my ex because while I adored him completely, we just weren't meant to be relationship wise. I ended up getting back with Buzz, and he ended up marrying his previous girlfriend (weird, I know), but I still notice my subconscious getting territorial over him. It's weird.

[Mistress Overdone]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 10:59pm

Been there, done that.

Just found out that the ex who wouldn't commit to me married a gal he had been dating for five months.

Ouch.

Let it hurt... and then let it pass. Shrug your shoulders, say "You're an IDIOT for giving ME up!" and move on.

[colleen_lee]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 11:05pm

Well, he didn't give me up. I threw his ass out. The breakup was very complicated and messy, especially as we were living together.

We didn't speak for probably 9 months after we broke up, but we ended up working together on a project and became good friends again. We've stayed pretty close since then, which is why I thought it was odd when I was back in MN last month to attend my Grandfather's funeral that he didn't return my phone call.

Now I know why.

I guess he doesn't think we can be friends when he has a girlfriend.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 11:17pm

He may think of you as the Gal That Got Away, the one true love of his life he F*CKed up with, the woman who will always prove to him he was not quite the man he liked to measure himself up as.

Ever think of that? Straight men don't, as a rule, externalize regret, so you may never hear words to that effect, but maybe, in the dark nights of his soul, when he thinks of the Roads He Didn't Take, maybe he thinks of you as the Real Deal.

And maybe, just maybe, he just wasn't good enough for you.

[CJR]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 11:19pm

Colleen--

It's been 2 years since my ex and I broke up and I still have a very hard time when he's seeing someone else. I find myself more than a little jealous and very protective of him..... wanting her to give him everything I did and then some because he deserves it. (our break up was messy too, but not in an evil way. more in a heartbreaking sort of way) Through the years, we've remained very close -- probably too close for ex's.... but I guess we make better friends than we ever did a couple.

He also acts weird when he's seeing someone. He distances himself and tries very hard to keep our conversations detached....... and he only talks to me when he's at work. It's not as if there's anything to hide, but I can only imagine how it would look to his new girlfriend that we are still as close as we are. Actually, I know how it looks because I've put up with sh!t from several boyfriends about him. I know how it looks and I understand why he distances himself. Me, Im just too honest with the man Im seeing and I don't find it fair to "ditch" a friend just because I'm seeing someone new and it gets too complicated. To each their own though.

Updated On: 12/12/07 at 11:19 PM

[ShbrtAlley44]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 11:21pm

I still miss my ex every now and then and dread the day when he gets another girlfriend, but I haven't had a boyfriend or dated anyone since I broke up with him 5 years ago and any time someone I like expresses interest, I become terrified and completely shut down, so I no longer have the problem of being upset over exes.

[colleen_lee]

Posted: 12/12/07 at 11:30pm

I appreciate everyone's input here. Just writing this out has helped me clarify why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling.