#1
Posted: 11/14/08 at 1:16pm
You may not agree with everything said here. That's fine. Our community isn't going to agree on everything. But hear this guy out. I think he makes a wonderful argument.
Why I’m Glad Proposition 8 Passed
by Kendal Bustamante
Please bear with me, as this is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to write in my life. I wanted to tell you why last night, while protesting Proposition 8, I thought to myself “I’m glad Proposition 8 passed.” What occurred in California (and Fl, AZ and AR) was an injustice to basic human rights but it has awoken a need for progress that has been dormant for far too long. Had Proposition 8 not passed, many of us would be content with the bone that was being thrown at us all. Instead, we are now fighting for tolerance, not only for gay Californians, but for all gay Americans. Perhaps, we may also be a recognizable voice to our brothers and sisters around the world. Many of whom face greater injustices than we do.
The passing of Proposition 8 means we have failed to reach out to others. In our quest to protect ourselves from those who do not understand us, we tell ourselves that we’re smarter, more caring, and more understanding. Yet, we display the same arrogance our opposers do. We ask others not to discriminate against us yet we do it among ourselves all the time. We tear one another down based on color, looks, values, and ideas. We idolize those who are “powerful” and put down those who rebel from the norm. Yet, it’s those who have little who display respect, hope and an urge to overcome. How can we ask others to help us when we fail to help ourselves, and one another? I call this the ladder effect. It seems to be human nature for those who have overcome, to kick the ladder down at those who haven’t. Maybe that’s the exact reason that the Mormon Church -which has been discriminated against based on its belief of marriage- seeks to keep others out. As if marriage was some sort of fancy country club that only those in power can enjoy.
I once heard that the problem with the gay movement was the visibility of loud characters such as drag queens, queer radicals, or those drunkards who partake in the gay parade (raising hand here). I think the real problem with the gay movement is not that they are the ones most visible, the problem is that they are the only ones who are visible. Many out there fail to see that the majority of us are average. It won’t be until Joe-the-closeted-plumber comes out, that others will start understanding we are just like them. Yet, our community oftentimes thinks that just because something looks pretty on the outside that it is pretty on the inside. This sort of contentment we have has got to go and this issue must be examined at its roots. Yesterday, while marching along total strangers, I felt like I was experiencing my first true gay PRIDE parade. It made me feel proud and let me tell you, this energy is contagious. There weren’t any floats, or any over-dramatic display of attention. Instead, there was brotherhood, warmth and love.
However, over the past week I had one friend decide not to protest because she had a date. Another, didn’t care because his home state (CT) has begun officiating gay marriages. Another didn’t show up because he was afraid of bumping into an ex. Don’t you get it? You are being asked to be part of a movement that is not about you. This is not just about marriage in California. This is about Arizona, Arkansas and Florida. This is about the gay family that could be torn apart because they don’t share the same rights as a heterosexual partnership. This is about those couples that are deeply in love, but only because they fight for it every day. This is about that lonely teenager that thinks everyone hates him and sees suicide as the only option. After all, the highest suicide rates are among gay teenagers. This is about giving hope to those afraid to come out. To those who need to be inspired to march or realize that they are capable of helping in ways other can’t. This is about the nest civil rights activist who needs a bit of inspiration.
If you feel like writing an angry letter to those who oppose us, I ask you to instead write a letter explaining the hurt that is being caused. Don’t lash out, but speak from your heart. Your letter might be discarded in a second but if one opponent reads it, then we have succeeded. To those who oppose gay marriage, I say…
“Your actions are hurting me and others in ways you do not realize. I want to be like you, I want to be happy. I’m single but one day I hope to fall in love and grow old with that person. I will not judge you, as I don’t know you or the strength of your character. I believe that your stance on this issue is causing pain to many people but I also believe that doesn’t make you a bad person. We all have flaws. I know I do. I hope one day you are able to set your prejudices aside and realize we’re all human. We all want the same thing- to be happy. Since I believe that you are a good person, I can only ask for your help in understanding one another. I know you think you are helping us but the only thing anyone in this world can do is help themselves.”
Now, if we have learned anything from Obama, is that you don’t win over people’s trust by preaching to the choir. While many of us may feel hurt and perhaps betrayed by actions of the Mormon church, or the actions of many African-Americans and Latinos, there is no better time to reach out to them then now. If we allow ourselves to blame them, we will be engaging in the same arrogance they employ against us.
While we have failed, we are a resilient people. Remember that our burden is also our virtue. J.K. Rowling once spoke about the benefits of failure. Rowling explained, “Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential”. Now that the inessential has been stripped of us, we can focus on what really matters. I always thought that being gay meant forgiving yourself when no one else will. Not only must we forgive those who have hurt us, we must forgive ourselves. If we don’t we will fail to come together and realize that despite our differences, we all want the same thing – happiness.
Rowling also went on to state in the same speech “You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that is painfully won and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.” While this journey is a slow one, it is also one with a strong foundation. With this in mind, please put as much effort into having your voices heard. The following link contains information about this coming Saturday, November 15 and how you can become involved:
http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/?t=anon
If you can’t protest, tell a friend, a family member or simply send this letter to someone else. Tell your parents and remember that if we are to fail again, we will still have our spirits and no law or proposition will ever take that away.
While the following quote was made over 22 years ago, I feel never has it resonated more than it has now that we have elected Barack Obama on the same nights gay rights were defeated in multiple states. Yet its message and content predicted a journey set in place long ago. In 1986, one of the greatest figures of the civil rights movement stated, “The barometer of where one is on human rights questions is no longer the black community, it’s the gay community. Because it is the community which is most easily mistreated.” That man was the late Bayard Rustin. If you don’t know who he is, I suggest you read up on him. It might not be as entertaining as watching Sarah Palin put a world map together, but it is worth your while.
If anything, I was once told by a smart man that "Civil rights are a legal matter that need to be decided on decency, fairness and equality. Civil rights should NOT be decided on a popular vote."
Please reach out and remind those close to you….
GAY PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE TOO!
Why I’m Glad Proposition 8 Passed
Why I’m Glad Proposition 8 Passed
by Kendal Bustamante
Please bear with me, as this is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to write in my life. I wanted to tell you why last night, while protesting Proposition 8, I thought to myself “I’m glad Proposition 8 passed.” What occurred in California (and Fl, AZ and AR) was an injustice to basic human rights but it has awoken a need for progress that has been dormant for far too long. Had Proposition 8 not passed, many of us would be content with the bone that was being thrown at us all. Instead, we are now fighting for tolerance, not only for gay Californians, but for all gay Americans. Perhaps, we may also be a recognizable voice to our brothers and sisters around the world. Many of whom face greater injustices than we do.
The passing of Proposition 8 means we have failed to reach out to others. In our quest to protect ourselves from those who do not understand us, we tell ourselves that we’re smarter, more caring, and more understanding. Yet, we display the same arrogance our opposers do. We ask others not to discriminate against us yet we do it among ourselves all the time. We tear one another down based on color, looks, values, and ideas. We idolize those who are “powerful” and put down those who rebel from the norm. Yet, it’s those who have little who display respect, hope and an urge to overcome. How can we ask others to help us when we fail to help ourselves, and one another? I call this the ladder effect. It seems to be human nature for those who have overcome, to kick the ladder down at those who haven’t. Maybe that’s the exact reason that the Mormon Church -which has been discriminated against based on its belief of marriage- seeks to keep others out. As if marriage was some sort of fancy country club that only those in power can enjoy.
I once heard that the problem with the gay movement was the visibility of loud characters such as drag queens, queer radicals, or those drunkards who partake in the gay parade (raising hand here). I think the real problem with the gay movement is not that they are the ones most visible, the problem is that they are the only ones who are visible. Many out there fail to see that the majority of us are average. It won’t be until Joe-the-closeted-plumber comes out, that others will start understanding we are just like them. Yet, our community oftentimes thinks that just because something looks pretty on the outside that it is pretty on the inside. This sort of contentment we have has got to go and this issue must be examined at its roots. Yesterday, while marching along total strangers, I felt like I was experiencing my first true gay PRIDE parade. It made me feel proud and let me tell you, this energy is contagious. There weren’t any floats, or any over-dramatic display of attention. Instead, there was brotherhood, warmth and love.
However, over the past week I had one friend decide not to protest because she had a date. Another, didn’t care because his home state (CT) has begun officiating gay marriages. Another didn’t show up because he was afraid of bumping into an ex. Don’t you get it? You are being asked to be part of a movement that is not about you. This is not just about marriage in California. This is about Arizona, Arkansas and Florida. This is about the gay family that could be torn apart because they don’t share the same rights as a heterosexual partnership. This is about those couples that are deeply in love, but only because they fight for it every day. This is about that lonely teenager that thinks everyone hates him and sees suicide as the only option. After all, the highest suicide rates are among gay teenagers. This is about giving hope to those afraid to come out. To those who need to be inspired to march or realize that they are capable of helping in ways other can’t. This is about the nest civil rights activist who needs a bit of inspiration.
If you feel like writing an angry letter to those who oppose us, I ask you to instead write a letter explaining the hurt that is being caused. Don’t lash out, but speak from your heart. Your letter might be discarded in a second but if one opponent reads it, then we have succeeded. To those who oppose gay marriage, I say…
“Your actions are hurting me and others in ways you do not realize. I want to be like you, I want to be happy. I’m single but one day I hope to fall in love and grow old with that person. I will not judge you, as I don’t know you or the strength of your character. I believe that your stance on this issue is causing pain to many people but I also believe that doesn’t make you a bad person. We all have flaws. I know I do. I hope one day you are able to set your prejudices aside and realize we’re all human. We all want the same thing- to be happy. Since I believe that you are a good person, I can only ask for your help in understanding one another. I know you think you are helping us but the only thing anyone in this world can do is help themselves.”
Now, if we have learned anything from Obama, is that you don’t win over people’s trust by preaching to the choir. While many of us may feel hurt and perhaps betrayed by actions of the Mormon church, or the actions of many African-Americans and Latinos, there is no better time to reach out to them then now. If we allow ourselves to blame them, we will be engaging in the same arrogance they employ against us.
While we have failed, we are a resilient people. Remember that our burden is also our virtue. J.K. Rowling once spoke about the benefits of failure. Rowling explained, “Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential”. Now that the inessential has been stripped of us, we can focus on what really matters. I always thought that being gay meant forgiving yourself when no one else will. Not only must we forgive those who have hurt us, we must forgive ourselves. If we don’t we will fail to come together and realize that despite our differences, we all want the same thing – happiness.
Rowling also went on to state in the same speech “You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that is painfully won and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.” While this journey is a slow one, it is also one with a strong foundation. With this in mind, please put as much effort into having your voices heard. The following link contains information about this coming Saturday, November 15 and how you can become involved:
http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/?t=anon
If you can’t protest, tell a friend, a family member or simply send this letter to someone else. Tell your parents and remember that if we are to fail again, we will still have our spirits and no law or proposition will ever take that away.
While the following quote was made over 22 years ago, I feel never has it resonated more than it has now that we have elected Barack Obama on the same nights gay rights were defeated in multiple states. Yet its message and content predicted a journey set in place long ago. In 1986, one of the greatest figures of the civil rights movement stated, “The barometer of where one is on human rights questions is no longer the black community, it’s the gay community. Because it is the community which is most easily mistreated.” That man was the late Bayard Rustin. If you don’t know who he is, I suggest you read up on him. It might not be as entertaining as watching Sarah Palin put a world map together, but it is worth your while.
If anything, I was once told by a smart man that "Civil rights are a legal matter that need to be decided on decency, fairness and equality. Civil rights should NOT be decided on a popular vote."
Please reach out and remind those close to you….
GAY PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE TOO!
Why I’m Glad Proposition 8 Passed
