Zodiac Signs
Zodiac Signs
#0Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 7:24am
AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/1
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again. People think you are stupid.
PISCES (2/19 - 3/20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates, and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.
ARIES (3/21 - 4/19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with. Your confrontational behaviorisms make you a grade A prick.
TAURUS (4/20 - 5/20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.
GEMINI (5/21 - 6/20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. Most people like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. In other words, you are a cheap bastard. You hate tipping waitresses, giving to charities, and won't even drop a few coins in the offering plate. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER (6/21 - 7/22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off; that's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients and everybody in prison is a Cancer.
LEO (7/23 - 8/22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves and enjoy masturbating more than sex.
VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while having sex. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely gay. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are good prostitutes. All Libras will die from a venereal disease.
SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21) You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will always achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck, since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dopers. You are a worthless piece of ****. People laugh at you a great deal.
CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything; you are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long, as they take root and become trees.
#1re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 7:52amI am such a Taurus!!
#2re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 8:15am
You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.
I smell funny, too.
#4re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 8:40am
"They think you are a sucker"
If they only knew. 
#5re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 8:46amGEMINI (5/21 - 6/20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker (beergoggles). Most people like you because you are bisexual (jerby). However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. In other words, you are a cheap bastard (me). You hate tipping waitresses, giving to charities, and won't even drop a few coins in the offering plate. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest (i'm not tellin').
PED
#6re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 10:04amthis is fabulous
#7re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 10:12am
Frightening how close these are to reality
*big, big Libra*
#8re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 10:19am
SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. [I try to be.] You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck, since you have no talent. [Yes, I can be quite superstitious and though I don't think I possess talent of any sort, apparently other people think I do.] The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dopers. [Now, this doesn't apply; I'm a teetotaler and a non-smoker, and I don't do drugs of any kind.] You are a worthless piece of **** {Wow, it's almost like you're inside my head.] People laugh at you a great deal. {I'd like to think they're laughing WITH me.]
Vita, dulcedo, et spes nostra
Salve, Salve Regina
Ad te clamamus exsules filii Eva
Ad te suspiramus, gementes et flentes
O clemens O pia
#9re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 10:20amSince I'm a Virgo/Leo cusp, does that mean I fall asleep while masturbating?
#10re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 10:26amNo, it means you take your syphilis medication at precisely the same time every day and never miss a dose.
#11re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 10:38amAs an ascendant Libra, one type of medication would never be enough.
#12re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 10:39am
I get by just fine with my daily penicillin injections. 
#13re: Zodiac Signs
Posted: 9/5/06 at 10:50am
According to this, I should be a Taurus or an Aquarius, not a Leo. 
"Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest."
LMAO!
I remember days
Or at least I try
But as years go by
They're sort of haze
And the bluest ink
Isn't really sky
And at times I think
I would gladly die
For a day of sky
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And Starbucks will use the words 'large' and 'small', not pretentious crap like grande and tall.
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"You could get away with anything if you call it art and tell people who don't like it that it's cutting edge culture." --vmlinnie
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