~ff~ has serious questions about relationships...

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 2:48am

1. How do you gauge the seriousness of a relationship?

2. What is love?

3. How do you know when a relationship crosses into love?

4. How do you differentiate between love, lust, infatuation, adoration, and any other state of a relationship?

5. Let's say that two people had been dating for 5 months, and one of them was going to have a birthday... What level of gift would be appropriate?


I realize that a couple of these questions are very similar... Feel free to just give one long general answer. I would appreciate any responses I might be given. Thank you.

[Lizziemonster]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 5:56am

One easy answer to all questions....dont worry about it! let it happens how it happens, to quote a cheesy musical theatre line since this is were we are "I'll know"

[zzannahk]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 5:59am

as far as the gift goes it depends on age/maturity. if it's teenager dating for 5 months or adults it makes a huge difference

[Kringas]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 6:52am

1. By constantly asking your partner "Where is this going?" It doesn't matter if you've been dating six months, six weeks or six hours. If you don't continually ask where it's going, you'll never know. If you ask and he says, "I don't know" or "It's too soon," ask again no more than ten minutes later. He may have had an epiphany by then.

2. Do you think about him every second of the day? Do you want to know where he is at all times? Do you get jealous when he talks to other women (even his mom or sister)? Do you cancel all plans to sit by the phone all weekend because he said he might call you later? Did you give yourself a tattoo of his name with a ballpoint pen? Have you been dating less than a week? If the answer to at least three of these questions is "yes," then it's love. If not, then it's not.

3. See above. Also, if you've been dating more than a week, then it's love as well.

4. See above and above for love. Lust, infatuation, adoration and other states have no place in a relationship.

5. An engagement ring is always nice. Or a tattoo (maybe even the real kind). If all else fails, no one ever frowns when they receive a block of cheese. Gouda, preferably. Or Edam.

Posted: 9/13/05 at 7:04am

~ff~, people spend lifetimes learning the answers to some of the questions you posed. The correct answers are those that are most meaningful to you.

lizziemonster said it best, in my opinion, "don't worry about it."

[Lizziemonster]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 7:11am

Fab idea for a pressie Kringas!!!! Guess what all my matesa re going to be getting this year

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 9:33am

1. use a meat thermometer

2. love is a rose but you better not pick it

3. copious swallowing (most bww'ers exempted from this answer, the sluts)

4. see answer #4

5. pearl necklace

relax. if it's right, you'll know.

Posted: 9/13/05 at 9:38am

"2. love is a rose but you better not pick it"

Or pRick it, for that matter.

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 9:45am

Thanks guys.



Kringas and papa... wow.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 9:46am

I always ask people this question if they are doubting if it's love:
If his dick fell off today and you could never have sex again is he still the first person you would call in the morning?

If the answer is "Yes" then it is LOVE.
If not, it is LUST.

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 10:12am

I might be misreading the question, but I suspect ~ff~ is wondering how to tell how *he* feels about her, not how she feels about him. And given that she is a little uncertain, is wondering what to give him for his birthday so as to not overstep and freak him out. If that is the question...and a reasonable one...I'll attempt an answer.

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 2:02pm

I'm just asking them as general questions.
(well, except for that last one, which is specific to my current situation).

I'm quite sure I'm not in love at the moment.
I'm not entirely sure what he would say about me.
I know that we enjoy each other's company immensely.
And I'll leave it at that.

As for the birthday present...
My birthday is only a month after his, so I have to set the level.
I don't want to do too little and disappoint him.
I don't want to do too much and make him feel pressured to match it.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 2:11pm

I realized in my last relationship that so much weight was put on what was 'expected' out of a boyfriend/relationship, that no room was left for creating our own unique relationship.

Just go with the flow, be yourself, and do what feels right to YOU with THIS person. It will evolve into what it will.

RE: the present, give him what you FEEL like giving him. It can be small but very thoughtful...

[lildogs]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 5:00pm

I'm not sure how old you are, but the seriousness of my relationships is gauged by whether or not you can see your bf/gf as someone you'd want to be with for a while. I can date for fun or for a husband, it just depends on what you want. It's hard to separate love from infatuation and attractions and crushes.

A crush or infatuation is usually based on a physical or personality trait: "Oh _____ is so sexy/funny/built/raunchy...I must have him/her!" These feelings don't last...but you should still feel like you have a crush on your man/woman...keeps it healthy and alive.

As for the gift--don't feel like you have to match him by outspeding him or anything like that. I'd try to think about something he's mentioned before--maybe something he wanted as a kid--and spend more time on finding something
meaningful than spending some set amount.

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 5:23pm

1. How do you gauge the seriousness of a relationship?

If he pays for your show tickets...

2. What is love?

Paying for your show tickets...

3. How do you know when a relationship crosses into love?

When he pays for your show tickets...

4. How do you differentiate between love, lust, infatuation, adoration, and any other state of a relationship?

A condom.

5. Let's say that two people had been dating for 5 months, and one of them was going to have a birthday... What level of gift would be appropriate?

Show tickets and a condom...

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 6:27pm

I heart you, Kitten.

[LaeloftheLakes]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 7:07pm

5. Let's say that two people had been dating for 5 months, and one of them was going to have a birthday... What level of gift would be appropriate?

This just f*cking scared me. My girlfriend of five months's birthday was yestderday.

[iflitifloat]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 8:18pm

If it was me, I wouldn't worry about trying to define the relationship. That will take care of itself over time. Work on getting to really know each other and having fun, and let it evolve on its own.

As for the gift, I would plan a special, although not necessarily expensive evening out doing something fun...especially something that maybe he likes more than you do. And I would try to think of a gift that is thoughtful and meaningful, but isn't terribly expensive either. Something that shows you understand who he is and what is important to him. Oh, and a nice card...maybe even one you make yourself.

That would be my approach. Good luck!

[LaeloftheLakes]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 8:22pm

If it helps, I got my honey a DVD and a CD, both that I knew she was DYING for.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 8:23pm

And Lael still holds the title of Best Girlfriend Ever.

[LaeloftheLakes]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 8:27pm

Aww, thank you, Auntie! I do my best...I even timed the shipping so they'd get there on the right day. She called me while I was at work to squeal. It was adorable!

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 8:31pm

That is absolutely something I would do!

[LaeloftheLakes]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 8:33pm

The timing, or the squealing?

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 10:05pm

I will try my best to answer this questions but first I must say that-honestly, if you are thinking this in depth then you are not enjoying the realtionship as much as you can but rather worrying. Please don't take offence to that, as it was just my opionion and may not nessasarily be true.

1. How do you gauge the seriousness of a relationship?

A: What reason are you in the realtionship for? Are you looking for a friend or a partner? If you get jealous that he is talking to another gal, I'm not sure that is really a 'real, healthy relationship' but rather someone that you feel you need. For, me- sometimes when someone talks to another person *whether it be a serious relationship or not* I tend to get jealous because I feel I want the attention of the person on me because I almost need 'confort' to know I am 'visible'-so to speak.

2. What is love?

I think it is an emotional attatchment; a feeling of being one.

3. How do you know when a relationship crosses into love?

Again, I ask what are you in the relationship for?

4. How do you differentiate between love, lust, infatuation, adoration, and any other state of a relationship?

For me, infatuation means: "Oh-my god, he is soo hot I would love to have him for a night".
As for the meaning in Dictionary.com it means: "An object of extravagant, short-lived passion."
Lust-*according to dictionary.com* is: To have an intense or obsessive desire, especially one that is sexual. I personally would say that it is a 'lust realtionship' if what you are looking for is one specific thing, most likely sex.
The difference between adoration and love is hard to differentiate but I would say that love is stonger than adoration.


5. Let's say that two people had been dating for 5 months, and one of them was going to have a birthday... What level of gift would be appropriate?

Depending on your age has a lot to do with this answer. I think a thoughful present is much better than an expensive one. Perhaps, instead of buying him an outfit from Abercrombie and Fitch you can take him to dinner and a movie. This way, you can spend time together AND most likely spend less money. For me, I would prefer to have a good time with the one I love/like that I will remember the good time than clothes that 'someone gave me for my birthday.'

Sorry for the long post and I hope it helped but then again- what do I know? lol

Have a good day and good luck!

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 12:29am

Thank you all for your thoughts.

btw, Lael, you're lucky. Girls are SO much easier to buy for than guys!