sexuality as defining trait

[jasonf]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 7:35pm

OK, I know this is probably going to lead to a big discussion, which may be a mistake to start on a night I know I'm going to be away from the computer for some time, but I wanted to ask this.

I've been on the board now for some 3 years. Before that, I was a theater major in college. As a straight male so interested in theater, I've had lots of time to interact with gay men. I've known gay men who were absolutely flaming and some who I didn't even know they were gay until years later.

The thing that I've noticed on this board though is that so many of the gay men on here tend to base their entire "persona" on here around their sexuality. Posts that have nothing to do with sexuality end up getting a sexual bent -- and this inevitably comes from someone who is gay.

This leads me to a couple of questions:
A)Am I simply noticing this more BECAUSE the posters are gay, and we straight people do it just as much, or is there some truth to it?

B)If there is truth to it, is that more overt sexuality a result of it being semi-anonymous in cyber-space or are those posters like that in real life?

C)Is it just that people on this board aren't getting enough action?

[DG]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 7:45pm

D) All of the above.

[MOXIEINTHECITY]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 7:49pm

Oh dear god....this is probably going to get ugly.

I don't think sexuality has anything to do with the use or over use of innuendo. What I do think is a contributing factor is the anonymity factor.

People, when they're hiding behind they're computer, can be anyone they want to be. The usually shy, reserved person is gregarious and outspoken and maybe vice versa. Sex is a popular topic everywhere.

I also think that creative/artisitc people are less inhibited and therefore are not embarrassed to discuss sex. (Nor should they be embarrassed.)

[OddExoticCreature]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 7:51pm

Also note that sexuality and sexual orientation are different. I can say that neither my sexuality nor my sexual orientation are defining traits of who I am unless you know me very well. PS. I'm not a gay man. :)

[jasonf]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 7:55pm

Very true - but what spurred the post was my noticing in three different threads within a half hour or so of my reading them posts, all from gay men, that took a discussion that had nothing to do with sexuality and SPECIFICALLY gave it a gay bent.

Please understand, I'm NOT complaining here - I'm just trying to learn a little more about humanity with this. I haven't noticed it with the straight people - and maybe it's just because there are probably less of us on here than gay people, but all three of the posts made references to gay sexuality that came solely as a result of the posters' personality - it had nothing to do with the threads at hand.

And no, I don't have the links to them now, but they're around...and I'm sure we've all seen it.

[DG]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 8:19pm

Jason - I think what you see happening here is a combination of two things. Gay men frequently experience self-censorship in their daily lives. With some obvious exceptions, most places aren't ammenable to a free expression of alternative sexuality. Here, many find a sense of safety - the overall climate is much more embracing than society in general. When you combine that with the freedom of anonymity than many enjoy, it leads to a preponderance of sexual overtone and innuendo.

[JohnBoy2]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 8:36pm

I think people, in general (straight or gay) must practice self censorship, today. There are so many laws against what was just "talk", years ago. But, I do think what you say, DG, is true.

[DG]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 8:38pm

Undi - my experience is that, if they feel safe and uninhibited, women put men to SHAME in the mental sexual gymnastics arena!

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 8:40pm

as a straught man who does everything in his power to turn anything and everything into an overtly sexual innuendo whenever possible here, i have to say i find this thread narrow-minded and feel it says more about the starter than the targets.

[DG]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 8:44pm

papa - your influence is certainly recognized and applauded - but you have to admit, you are somewhat outnumbered.

Although, maybe your actions tell us something about YOU.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 8:47pm

i always just figured that ya'll were as big a horndogs as me.

[jasonf]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 9:27pm

papa - sorry if I offended you - be as sexually explicit as you want.

[neddyfrank2]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 9:35pm

I have noticed that and I don't think that there is necessarily ONE explanation.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 9:48pm

VERY well said DG

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 8/3/06 at 10:02pm

"Although I can think of one person, who is who he is, whether online or in person. There is no self-censorship... ok, no censorship at all, but that's one of the many reasons why I think people are drawn to him. It would be interesting if everyone turned off their inner-censor... just to see what happens"

God, what a nightmare this person must be. *grin*

DG made an absolutely beautiful point a few posts up, btw...bravissimo!

[jasonf]

Posted: 8/4/06 at 1:12am

DG - I absolutely understand what you wrote - I can see where it's coming from. Straight men, at least most of the ones I know, don't exactly go around turning everything into sexual comments either - only in certain circumstances (like when you're just hanging out with friends - which I have to assume gay men feel free to do as well or why be friends with them?). I also knew several gay men in college who were not afraid to flaunt their sexuality in a way I've never seen straight men do. I realize, of course, I'm talking in HUGE generalizations here as there are straight and gay men who will fall in all ranges of how overt they are - I'm just saying I haven't seen the comments from the straight guys like I do from the gay guys (for example - a comment may be made about Manoel's acting and suddenly we get eighteen posts from men about how hot he is -- a post will then be made about Lauren Molina - and there'll be one or two saying "oh, and she's hot" - and yes, that's often me - but not NEARLY as graphic or as frequent as from the gay men.) So while I understand what you're saying about the freedom to talk on here - I would THINK that the straight guys would have the same thing - I know I personally will say things on here I wouldn't say in real life. Maybe because I'm not gay I can't ever really understand that self-censor quite as much - though, being a teacher, I know there are times that the censor has to work in over drive...

[DG]

Posted: 8/4/06 at 1:21am

Jason - in a way, I think of this as 'locker room talk' - the way men talk when they feel they can let the guard down. There's a local dive bar I go to because they have pool tables, a good blues selection on the jukebox, a good bourbon selection behind the bar, and they smoke in there - which is VERY unusual in California. And I like all of those things. However, it is absolutely a straight environment - to the point that, I might be the only gay person whose ever been in there (although, unlikely ) And the trade-off for me for getting those things I like is being surrounded by walls full of posters of scantily clad women, and an endless stream of comments from the other patrons about them.

But that's because I'm in their 'locker room' - and I just accept it for what it is and move on. I think that's what you get in here. There're few areas in the public arena where gay men are accepted as the norm - this is one of them (as well as airline attendant lounges ) - so it's flaunted a little more than usual (perhaps than is necessary.)

[wonderwaiter]

Posted: 8/4/06 at 1:47am

I found myself in a situation a few years back. We were doing demo and construction on a cafe I was going to manage. As I was the only salaried employee, I was expected to take part. I found myself the only (openly) gay man in a very butch, straight, construction-working environment. (Bear in mind, I'm NOT COMPLAINING.) AT first, all the guys were doing the usual "guy-talk" about women. Crass and objectifying comments about sex and their bodies. I've been known to be a little outspoken, so when I started talking about other guys in the same way, it was met with expressions of disgust, although light-hearted. Funny thing is, when I pointed out the double-standard, they all agreed it was unfair. From that moment on, I was expected and even encouraged to be just as raunchy as they were. They even went so far as to point guys out to me, in case I missed them.

Don't know how that anecdote fits in with the thread, but the previous posts reminded me of that time. However, those were straight guys who were definitely "flaunting their sexuality."

[DG]

Posted: 8/4/06 at 1:49am

wonder - you just described one of my fantasies. Although, you stopped just at the point that I usually begin

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 8/4/06 at 1:51am

Undi, just don't bring up the midget porn!...Oops.

I agree that part of overt sexuality on here is due to censorship in "real life" (probably esp. for the gay community more so than the straight community). I think, though, that if we're totally honest, it's also because anonymity breeds confidence and since we're not being judged by our physical appearance here like we would in reality, we can cultivate a sexual persona without any confinements and without someone thinking, to be blunt, that we're too unattractive to be sexual or flirtatious.

[wonderwaiter]

Posted: 8/4/06 at 1:51am

Oh, there are other stories. They just weren't "on-topic."

[DG]

Posted: 8/4/06 at 1:53am

Tiff - spot on point, I think.

Although, that CERTAINLY doesn't apply to us

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 8/4/06 at 1:56am

Well, that was a given but I didn't want to make all the ugly posters on here feel badly.

You had me at "There's a local dive bar I go to because they have pool tables, a good blues selection on the jukebox, a good bourbon selection behind the bar, and they smoke in there [snip] And I like all of those things." DG, if you were straight...I tell ya...

[DG]

Posted: 8/4/06 at 1:58am

Oh, Tiff - you just like the thought of someone in tight black jeans bending over a table and focussing on their balls with a stick in their hand. Come to think of it . . .

[Elphaba]

Posted: 8/4/06 at 2:01am

waves at Tiff, long time no see!