was i being unreasonable?

i went out with my cousin and her friend to see a school play.
they both went to get snacks and i said "just dont get anything with peanutbutter in it. i'm allergic."
right away they both start in with "how can you be so selfish lauren? what if we wanted peanutbutter cups?" "can't you just hold your breath?" "what, do you want the entire auditorium to not eat peanutbutter?" "like one butter finger will hurt you? oh grow up."
i tried to explain to them that i didn't expect the whole auditorium to not eat peanutbutter, just those sitting directly next to me who were asked not to, but they kept yelling things like that in the hallway and were starting to cause a scene.
then her friend turned around to get a snack and said "asswipe"
she got peanutbutter m&ms and i ended up moving away from her in the auditorium beacuse my eyes and mouth were staring to itch.

i told my mom about it and she was talking to my aunt and she asked if i had a good time at the play. my mom told her what happened and now my cousin won't speak to me.

my aunt says "oh she's just a little kid she doesn't know any better."
she's going to be 18 in a month... she's not a little kid.
my aunt thinks my request was unreasonable.

honestly, was i being that unreasonable that members of my family will no longer speak to me?

---

Nah - perhaps you could of phrased it differently, but if you are allergic, then I don't see the problem. Perhaps they felt like they were being told and not asked, which makes people a little more inclined to resent the request. Or, maybe they were just showing off for each other.

It will blow over.

Did they just meet you or something?

---

I'm honestly infuriated at them on your behalf. You were not being unreasonable at all, they were. I've had a lot of experiences like that. I was on a plane a few months ago; JetBlue is really great about accomodating allergy concerns, and I had called in advance to ask that they not serve any nuts on the plane, because even other nuts very often have traces of peanuts. They're very kind and cautious, so they said that they would not serve any of their snacks that had traces of nuts on my flight. That, to me, was a bit of an over-caution, but that's what they felt was right. Anyway, long story short, there were cookies on the snack list that they chose not to serve for that reason. This family a row in front of me was travelling with little kids, and the kids wanted the cookies. The flight attendants told them no, and why, and the parents got all pissed off because their kids were now unhappy and cookie-less, completley disregarding the fact that it was their child's whim satisfied versus someone's health and physical well-being. I think it's disgusting and rude and unfair when people find it too hard to inconvenience themselves just a little bit because they can't be bothered to understand or be sympathetic to something that's actually a life-threatening health concern. I hate it when you tell them you're allergic and they just go "oh, it can't be that bad!" after you've just told them that it is. Your cousin was way out of line, and your aunt, if I may, is being ridiculous. I think it was really terrible of them to insinuate that you were being selfish because of something that's out of your control.

---

Updated On: 5/17/07 at 10:29 PM

the thing i dont get is that i'm not even that pissed off at her but she still wont talk to me. you'd think if one of us was pissed off and not talking to the other one it would be me not her.
what's pissing me off is how she's acting about it. she says to my mom "i'm so nice to lauren and this is how she repays me"
my cousin is well aware that i have allergies... and her uncle is so allergic to cats he can't even be in a house where i cat used to live, so it's not like she doesn't understand allergies.
her friend doens't know me very well but i dont really think that's an excuse to call someone an asswipe.

i think she's just pissed that i talked to my mom about it and it came back to her.

---

It doesn't matter how well she knows you -- you weren't telling them not to eat the peanuts to be a pain in the ass or annoy them, you had a completely legitimate reason. She's making it sound like you did that to be mean to her. That's really immature.

She's probably mad that you spoke to your mom about it because she knows in the end, she's going to end up looking like a dispassionate brat.

---

You were not unreasonable at all.

---

Don't worry. The hindsight she'll have in a few years when she matures will be more than enough payback.

---

You are right , my reply is way too simplistic, but anyone who so callously ignores your physical well being, does not deserve any consideration.

You make a good point, Wendy, and a lot of people often don't think allergies are that serious, but if Abba told her not to get something with peanuts because she was allergic and couldn't be around them, wouldn't these people realize that it's serious enough to warrant that request? If it were just a minor allergy, why would she ask? Where's the logic in assuming it's not that serious? I'm dealthy allergic to both milk and peanuts -- milk, I can be around, I only react if I eat it, but my peanut allergies are airborne, and I can't smell them at all. So to me, if you say you're allergic to something and can't be around it, it's just blatantly stupid for someone to think it's "not that bad." Why else would you ask, if it were something that you just couldn't eat and nothing would happen to you from being next to it?

---

Updated On: 5/17/07 at 10:48 PM

Please don't get me wrong...I definitely think her cousin was being ridiculous. Any reasonable person would have just bought something else.

However, I also know people who seem to like the special attention their allergies bring them...even ones that aren't so serious. But then that's really a personality issue.......

Again, Abba, you shouldn't have had to deal with that!

Please don't get me wrong...I definitely think her cousin was being ridiculous. Any reasonable person would have just bought something else.

Oh, no I didn't think that at all! Sorry!

I think I've just had too many experiences with ignorance, rudeness and lack of compassion to give people the benefit of the doubt anymore. When I was sixteen, I wanted to work at a camp that I had been attending since I was three, and I was told that my allergies made me too big of a reponsibility for them and they didn't want to be bothered. That's not only dispassionate, it's illegal. I've been tormented and teased, made to feel like a nuisance and alienated through much of my childhood, adolescence and beyond for what, because I can't eat something? How absurd. I don't take kindly to people who aren't understanding about these things, at all. If you don't understand how serious it is, you open yourself to learn about it; when someone tells you how serious it is, you accept that, you don't challenge it and just flippantly go, "oh, it's not that bad, it's just a peanut." That may seem a lot to ask, but when you're dealing with a literally life-threatening situation, is it, really? I'm not expecting everyone to be a textbook on the subject, but choosing to remain closed-minded is ludicrous. What you said, wendy, just made me think of the fact that I simply cannot understand where people get off with the excuses that they do for their miserable ways.

---

Updated On: 5/17/07 at 10:58 PM

This seems to be simply a problem with your ignorant and absurd cousin, not even a problem between you and your cousin. As someone who has willingly accomodated myself and my eating habits so I could live with a friend who has severe allergies, I don't understand people who are so selfish and stupid. What's the difference if you have regular M&Ms rather than the ones with peanuts? I don't know if it's a misunderstanding on your cousins behalf - maybe she doesn't understand what an allergy to peanuts can mean - but that still doesn't excuse her behavior.

---