If I owned a theatre, I would have a fun announcement. Here's a fun one from the Williamstown Theatre Festival:
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Williamstown Theatre Festival. In the unlikely event of an emergency, please take notice of the exits to the left and right of the theatre, and in the rear where you came in. Please also take this time to turn off all cellular phones and noise-making devices. According to new company policy, if at any time a cell phone goes off during the performance, rabid squirrels will be unleashed to your seat and have you removed from the theatre. And we do hope a cell phone does go off, it was awfully expensive to train those squirrels. Thank you for supporting live theatre."
Or something to that effect.
"The Spectacle has, indeed, an emotional attraction of its own, but, of all the parts, it is the least artistic, and connected least with the art of poetry. For the power of Tragedy, we may be sure, is felt even apart from representation and actors. Besides, the production of spectacular effects depends more on the art of the stage machinist than on that of the poet."
--Aristotle
