Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

[Musical Master]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 11:42am

We all have different opinions about him and his work but what are you're favorite lines or jokes from his shows? I'll start.

From Xanadu:
It's like getting married without the good part.
(Both laugh)
Oh that's just wrong.

Let us go and complete our evil mission.
(Giggles)
NO! Let us not giggle, let us cackle
(Cackles)
Cackling in high heels listen to us, this is like children's theatre for 40 year old gay people.

From Cinderella:
Marie! You are a crazy woman, what are you doing in a beautiful gown?

You'd be suprised to see how many beautiful gowns have crazy women in them.

It seems that footwear is falling from the sky.

I can imagine it, and I have no imagination.

[Younger Brother]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 11:53am

Deloris: Is there a smoking section?
Mother Superior: Yes dear, you're heading for it.

[mpd4165]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 12:05pm

Xanadu: B****, I don't know your life. (Cape toss)

Little Dog: Pretty much the entire He Meaning Him scene. I directed the show in college and it's just so much fun when your actors immediately understand the pacing and rhythm of it.

Updated On: 6/3/13 at 12:05 PM

[nasty_khakis]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 12:09pm

The line in Xandau is actually

"Listen to us, cackling and hiding, this is like children's theatre for 40-year-old gay people!"

[Musical Master]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 12:18pm

^Thanks.

Another line from Cinderella, but a dramatic one.

Madame: Get out of my house! You're no longer welcome here, to the devil with you! (To Cinderella) I'll decide what to do with you later. Why did you have to make me doubt myself, I was doing so well!

[MrFerriero]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 12:21pm

From Lysistrata Jones: Xander enters wearing a Spartan costume and he says that he got it from the Drama Club's production of 'The Passion of the Christ' and then says "All good theatre was a movie first, that way the audience isn't surprised!" Got a laugh every night but a rolling laugh at the closing performance when Patti Murin said "Oh, that explains it!".

[Musical Master]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 12:36pm

Another one from Xanadu:

Erato: This isn't Venice Italy, this is Venice California. And this isn't 1780, this is 1980.

Muses: EW!

[Mattbrain]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 1:07pm

From Sister Act:

That's quite an instrument you've got there.

Thank you! It used to set off my uncle's seizures!

And from As Bees In Honey Drown:

Now.....f*u*c*k the camera!

Updated On: 6/3/13 at 01:07 PM

[Emmaloucbway]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 1:13pm

None.

[Musical Master]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 1:30pm

I've been wondering about this for a while, but why hasn't Beane written for television? He'd be good at a sitcom episode or he could write for an animated series. There are a lot of things Beane hasn't tried yet and I would like to see him tackle things other than theatre.

[nasty_khakis]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 1:48pm

He has little to no interest in television. He probably wouldnt mind creating a series, but the labor-intensive week to week writing/show-running does not appeal to him. Plus he's had pretty bad experiences with film companies optioning his plays and nothing happening and I believe his Too Wong Foo experience wasn't 100% great for him. I would LOVE to see what he could come up with though.

[Musical Master]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 4:02pm

Aw, that's to bad he has no interest at all. I would've liked to see a one shot episode of anything written by him.

[Musical Master]

Posted: 6/3/13 at 4:02pm

WHOOPS A DOUBLE POST!

Updated On: 6/3/13 at 04:02 PM

[PJPan]

Posted: 6/4/13 at 8:42am

From LJ:

"Snap! Suffa Bitchesssssssssss"

Probably not even that funny, but Alex Wyse's delivery was fantastic.

[ClumsyDude15]

Posted: 6/4/13 at 10:54am

"Okay, Todd, now quit it."
"Cinesias."
"Todd."
"My name's not Todd, Todd is my slave name."
"Todd, why are you talking in this degrading hip-hop lifestyle manner?"
"Yo, yo, yo, yo."
"Todd - you're an English lit major."
"What's that got to do with it?"
"Todd - your family's not FROM the Projects, they OWN the Projects."
--- Lysistrata Jones.

"I try to dress simply and let my personality be the star."
-- Xanadu.

"I don't know any girls, I went to an all boy's school off in the woods, and then attended an all male university on an island - why did you do that to me?"
-- Cinderella.

I went to see Lysistrata Jones after Kim Jong Il had passed away, and the line "Once you've seen the bawdy cheers we've concocted you'll be stiffer than Newt Gingrich's wife after a trip to Tiffany's" was changed to "Once you've seen the bawdy cheers we've concocted you'll be stiffer than Kim Jong Il" - the audience and cast (who were kept in the dark sans Josh Segarra who the line was being delivered to) lost it.

Updated On: 6/4/13 at 10:54 AM

[Kelly2]

Posted: 6/4/13 at 11:59am

Lots of Cinderella in here...surprising since to me that is by far Beane's weakest work. Dreck.

For me it's...well, the entire script of The Little Dog Laughed. "My word? You're asking a whore for her cherry!" "A writer with final cut...I'd rather give firearms to small children."

Updated On: 6/4/13 at 11:59 AM

[mpd4165]

Posted: 6/4/13 at 12:01pm

Kelly-YES! I've seen video of Ms. White delivering that line. I'd love it on a loop.

[Musical Master]

Posted: 6/4/13 at 1:14pm

^^Actually Kelly, Mr and Mrs Fitch is Beane's WORST work he has done in his entire life. A huge unfunny mess of what COULD'VE been a nice giggle worthy play, but no, it's devoid of any good humor. At least to me.

[Wilmingtom]

Posted: 6/4/13 at 5:40pm

From XANADU: "Tell me, Clio, do the big feet and big hands tell me the story i want to hear?

[ratherbewhaling]

Posted: 6/4/13 at 6:35pm

From Little Dog Laughed

"We don't have a problem with cell phones in the theatre in this town. We've simply stopped doing theatre all together. Choices were made."

[undercoveractor]

Posted: 6/4/13 at 10:41pm

'Women will see Evan in this suit and die. Gay men will see Evan in this suit, squeal and die. Straight men will see Evan in this suit, be confused and die. Lesbians will inherit the earth.' - Alexa, AS BEES IN HONEY DROWN

[once a month]

Posted: 6/5/13 at 11:06am

Butch it up, Mary.

-Little Dog official button

[bwayphreak234]

Posted: 6/5/13 at 11:38am

Cinderella - "I can taste my lunch!"

[Younger Brother]

Posted: 6/6/13 at 7:28am

It's not theatre but two great ones from "To Wong Foo"

"Look at her, runnin' like she runnin' across the border"
"I do not do the bus. You obviously have me mistaken for Miss Rosa Parks"

[PottstownTeacher]

Posted: 6/6/13 at 10:09am

From LJ --- "Oh yeah. I'm moist like a snack cake."