Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

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Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 11:42am

We all have different opinions about him and his work but what are you're favorite lines or jokes from his shows? I'll start.

From Xanadu:
It's like getting married without the good part.
(Both laugh)
Oh that's just wrong.

Let us go and complete our evil mission.
(Giggles)
NO! Let us not giggle, let us cackle
(Cackles)
Cackling in high heels listen to us, this is like children's theatre for 40 year old gay people.

From Cinderella:
Marie! You are a crazy woman, what are you doing in a beautiful gown?

You'd be suprised to see how many beautiful gowns have crazy women in them.

It seems that footwear is falling from the sky.

I can imagine it, and I have no imagination.

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 11:53am

Deloris: Is there a smoking section?
Mother Superior: Yes dear, you're heading for it.

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 12:05pm

Xanadu: B****, I don't know your life. (Cape toss)

Little Dog: Pretty much the entire He Meaning Him scene. I directed the show in college and it's just so much fun when your actors immediately understand the pacing and rhythm of it.

Updated On: 6/3/13 at 12:05 PM

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 12:09pm

The line in Xandau is actually

"Listen to us, cackling and hiding, this is like children's theatre for 40-year-old gay people!"

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 12:18pm

^Thanks.

Another line from Cinderella, but a dramatic one.

Madame: Get out of my house! You're no longer welcome here, to the devil with you! (To Cinderella) I'll decide what to do with you later. Why did you have to make me doubt myself, I was doing so well!

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 12:21pm

From Lysistrata Jones: Xander enters wearing a Spartan costume and he says that he got it from the Drama Club's production of 'The Passion of the Christ' and then says "All good theatre was a movie first, that way the audience isn't surprised!" Got a laugh every night but a rolling laugh at the closing performance when Patti Murin said "Oh, that explains it!".

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 12:36pm

Another one from Xanadu:

Erato: This isn't Venice Italy, this is Venice California. And this isn't 1780, this is 1980.

Muses: EW!

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 1:07pm

From Sister Act:

That's quite an instrument you've got there.

Thank you! It used to set off my uncle's seizures!

And from As Bees In Honey Drown:

Now.....f*u*c*k the camera!

Butters, go buy World of Warcraft, install it on your computer, and join the online sensation before we all murder you. --Cartman: South Park ATTENTION FANS: I will be played by James Barbour in the upcoming musical, "BroadwayWorld: The Musical."

Updated On: 6/3/13 at 01:07 PM

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 1:13pm

None.

#10

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 1:30pm

I've been wondering about this for a while, but why hasn't Beane written for television? He'd be good at a sitcom episode or he could write for an animated series. There are a lot of things Beane hasn't tried yet and I would like to see him tackle things other than theatre.

#11

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 1:48pm

He has little to no interest in television. He probably wouldnt mind creating a series, but the labor-intensive week to week writing/show-running does not appeal to him. Plus he's had pretty bad experiences with film companies optioning his plays and nothing happening and I believe his Too Wong Foo experience wasn't 100% great for him. I would LOVE to see what he could come up with though.

#12

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 4:02pm

Aw, that's to bad he has no interest at all. I would've liked to see a one shot episode of anything written by him.

#13

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/3/13 at 4:02pm

WHOOPS A DOUBLE POST!

Updated On: 6/3/13 at 04:02 PM

#14

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/4/13 at 8:42am

From LJ:

"Snap! Suffa Bitchesssssssssss"

Probably not even that funny, but Alex Wyse's delivery was fantastic.

#15

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/4/13 at 10:54am

"Okay, Todd, now quit it."
"Cinesias."
"Todd."
"My name's not Todd, Todd is my slave name."
"Todd, why are you talking in this degrading hip-hop lifestyle manner?"
"Yo, yo, yo, yo."
"Todd - you're an English lit major."
"What's that got to do with it?"
"Todd - your family's not FROM the Projects, they OWN the Projects."
--- Lysistrata Jones.

"I try to dress simply and let my personality be the star."
-- Xanadu.

"I don't know any girls, I went to an all boy's school off in the woods, and then attended an all male university on an island - why did you do that to me?"
-- Cinderella.

I went to see Lysistrata Jones after Kim Jong Il had passed away, and the line "Once you've seen the bawdy cheers we've concocted you'll be stiffer than Newt Gingrich's wife after a trip to Tiffany's" was changed to "Once you've seen the bawdy cheers we've concocted you'll be stiffer than Kim Jong Il" - the audience and cast (who were kept in the dark sans Josh Segarra who the line was being delivered to) lost it.

"Anybody that goes to the theater, I think we’re all misfits, so we ended up on stage or in the audience.” --- Patti LuPone.

Updated On: 6/4/13 at 10:54 AM

#16

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/4/13 at 11:59am

Lots of Cinderella in here...surprising since to me that is by far Beane's weakest work. Dreck.

For me it's...well, the entire script of The Little Dog Laughed. "My word? You're asking a whore for her cherry!" "A writer with final cut...I'd rather give firearms to small children."

"Get mad, then get over it." - Colin Powell

Updated On: 6/4/13 at 11:59 AM

#17

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/4/13 at 12:01pm

Kelly-YES! I've seen video of Ms. White delivering that line. I'd love it on a loop.

#18

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/4/13 at 1:14pm

^^Actually Kelly, Mr and Mrs Fitch is Beane's WORST work he has done in his entire life. A huge unfunny mess of what COULD'VE been a nice giggle worthy play, but no, it's devoid of any good humor. At least to me.

#19

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/4/13 at 5:40pm

From XANADU: "Tell me, Clio, do the big feet and big hands tell me the story i want to hear?

#20

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/4/13 at 6:35pm

From Little Dog Laughed

"We don't have a problem with cell phones in the theatre in this town. We've simply stopped doing theatre all together. Choices were made."

Nancy Reagan, meanest and thinnest of the first ladies moves into the white house. Yabba dabba! It's the eighties.

#21

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/4/13 at 10:41pm

'Women will see Evan in this suit and die. Gay men will see Evan in this suit, squeal and die. Straight men will see Evan in this suit, be confused and die. Lesbians will inherit the earth.' - Alexa, AS BEES IN HONEY DROWN

#22

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/5/13 at 11:06am

Butch it up, Mary.

-Little Dog official button

#23

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/5/13 at 11:38am

Cinderella - "I can taste my lunch!"

"There’s nothing quite like the power and the passion of Broadway music. "

#24

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/6/13 at 7:28am

It's not theatre but two great ones from "To Wong Foo"

"Look at her, runnin' like she runnin' across the border"
"I do not do the bus. You obviously have me mistaken for Miss Rosa Parks"

#25

Favorite Douglas Carter Beane lines.

Posted: 6/6/13 at 10:09am

From LJ --- "Oh yeah. I'm moist like a snack cake."

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