How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

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How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/7/11 at 11:45am

Went to the "Shrek" tour last night. My daughter and son-in-law were sitting directly in front of us. Next to them was a boy and his sister. I would say they were around 16-18 years old. Their parents were sitting directly next to my husband and I, so behind these kids. I asked if they would like to trade seats with my daughter and son-in-law so they could sit with their kids. They declined. The kids looked "normal". Once the show started, it became clear he had some problems, maybe a mild form of autism. He laughed LOUDLY at every joke, I mean even those jokes that would elicit a smile from everyone else, he would guffaw very loud and continue clapping after the rest of the audience had finished clapping after songs. It was very distracting.

At intermission, my son-in-law asked to trade seats with the parents. They again declined. I then told them their son seemed to really be enjoying the show, but it was distracting for my daughter and son-in-law, and I would really appreciate it if they would trade. They got pretty huffed, and finally agreed to trade.

I felt bad. I mean, the son obviously was enjoying the show and has every right to see it, but what about those around him? Parents made no attempt to calm him down. I thought about going to management and asking to be moved, but I could see it was packed.

Show was great, I thought. Would have been better without the distractions.

Updated On: 1/7/11 at 11:45 AM

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/7/11 at 4:07pm

Fact of the matter is that if you wanted the other patrons to switch seats the choice is up to them. And, they get the final say. While I am sorry that the boy with special needs was distracting you, it still doesn't take away from the fact that them saying that they don't wish to move (the reason doesn't matter) is their choice and right.

I remember this one time when I won the wicked lotto and got front dead center. I was quite happy with that stroke of luck. Moments before the lights went down, there were two people who were playing musical chairs to be able to sit with another member of their party who also won the lotto. They had asked me to move so that they could sit next to their friend. Now, normally, since I was on my own, I wouldn't have minded. However, Due to the fact that it was very clear that the show was moments away from starting I said no. From where I was sitting, I would have had to climb over everyone and be lodged in the right hand corner of the front row. I didn't feel like moving there at that moment because I didn't want to be moving around when the lights went down. So, I politely told them that I was happy with where I was sitting. Sure enough, as they walked away, the lights started to dim and the pre show announcement began.

Would it have been nice of them to move? Yes, sounds like it would have been. But, this is not something that you could have done anything about and it isn't worth getting up in arms over it. You gave them a choice and put the ball in their court, and they decided to not move.

"If you try to shag my husband while I am still alive, I will shove the art of motorcycle maintenance up your rancid little Cu**. That's a good dear" Tom Stoppard's Rock N Roll

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/7/11 at 4:49pm

You thought Shrek was "great"?

-Benjamin
--http://www.benjaminadgate.com/

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/7/11 at 5:22pm

I would have spoken to an usher or a house manager.

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/7/11 at 5:42pm

Next time, a tranquilizer-dart gun should do the trick quite nicely.

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/7/11 at 5:53pm

I don't think it's appropriate to ask anyone to switch seats. If the people offer to do so, you can say "yes", but I think you were totally out of place here. Especially since they declined the 1st time, to go and ask again is...not what I'd do.

"People have their opinions and that doesn't mean that their opinions are wrong or right. I just take it with a grain of salt because opinions are like as*holes, everyone has one". -Felicia Finley-

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/7/11 at 5:59pm

Someone in the audience was laughing and clapping way out of proportion to what was actually happening on stage? I think I sat near that person on Sunday at the final performance of Women on the Verge (or maybe it was at [title of show] ). But you left out the cheering and hollering.

Being a bit more serious, it sounds like a difficult position to be in. You can't really report someone for being too enthusiastic, and you can't really force someone to switch seats with you.

"What was the name of that cheese that I like?" "you can't run away forever...but there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start" "well I hope and I pray, that maybe someday, you'll walk in the room with my heart"

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/7/11 at 6:00pm

. Especially since they declined the 1st time, to go and ask again is...not what I'd do.

I actually agree with that. If they declined, you should have spoken to the house manager to see if they could relocate you.

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/7/11 at 6:05pm

I noticed that the original poster didn't mention any of the other audience members around them being bothered. Were they?

-Benjamin
--http://www.benjaminadgate.com/

#10

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/7/11 at 7:11pm

It's not inappropriate to ask someone if they mind switching seats, but you really should accept their answer. Some people will be happy to do so, and that's great, but others would rather stay where they are, and that's okay too.

Talk to an usher if you're being genuinely disturbed by inappropriate noise from a fellow audience member, but don't hassle other audience members.

From your post, you sound like you handled it politely, but if you're not prepared to go to a member of the FOH team and the other people aren't prepared to move seats when you first ask, then I'm afraid you just have to chalk it up to the charm of live theatre and get on with it. :)

Notes from the Earlham Street Gutter

#11

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/8/11 at 11:48am

To answer a couple of questions:

Yes, others around this boy were distracted by his "quirks". The people in front of him kept turning around asking him to be quiet. Some friends sitting further down our row said they couldn't concentrate on the show, they kept watching this boy. This was worse then the fangirls in LA for "Wicked".

When I asked the parents before the show started, it was as a courtesy since I thought they would like to sit with their kids. At intermission, it was more of a request in the hopes they would try to "contain" his enthusiasm. But, they did nothing during the 1st Act, so not sure why I thought they would do something during the 2nd Act. What ended up happening is the parents sat together, then the girl, then moved the boy to the farthest seat away from them. The man sitting next to this boy in the 2nd Act (who was next to his sister in the 1st Act) actually got up and left. He watched from the rest of the show leaning against the side wall.

I talked to my friend who has an autistic child (well, a man - he's 21)who LOVES musical theatre. She said she always get aisle seats, and puts him on the end. She sometimes has to take him out because he gets so excited. She's able to calm him and remind him to use his "indoor voice". She also tries to take him to matinees where there are more kids.

And yes, I thought Shrek was great. Nothing earth shattering, but a lot of fun.

Updated On: 1/8/11 at 11:48 AM

#12

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/8/11 at 12:41pm

I too hate it when someone enjoys a show too much.

#13

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/8/11 at 12:54pm

luvbrdway, I work with kids with autism. I work at a camp that serves children with special needs (granted the camp that I am currently at now doesn't do that over the fall/spring and does other things but still) and can understand how hard it must be for the parents. For many kids with autism it is VERY hard to plan and do a simple family outing. So I tip my hat to the parents for accomplishing that.

Furthermore, there are some parents of autistic kids who feel that their child can learn more socially appropriate behaviors by observing others who don't have any sort of cognitive impairment. The young people I work with are not just kids with autism but kids who have behavior issues who don't have any cognitive issues at all. Some parents of autistic children would have their kids be in a bunk that is full of behavior issue children so that they can see how other regularly developing kids function and learn from them.

I think that the parents of the boy in question were doing just that in this particular situation. They were having their kid try to learn how to act in a theatre by putting him in one and hoping that he would observe.

I don't know if this is a theory that does work. Hell, there were parents who didn't want to have their kids eat gluten for the fact that they felt that if their kid didn't then that could cure autism.

"If you try to shag my husband while I am still alive, I will shove the art of motorcycle maintenance up your rancid little Cu**. That's a good dear" Tom Stoppard's Rock N Roll

#14

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/8/11 at 1:04pm

"They were having their kid try to learn how to act in a theatre by putting him in one and hoping that he would observe."

At the expense of the entire audience?

I hope this was not the case.

"TheatreDiva90016 - another good reason to frequent these boards less."<<>> “I hesitate to give this line of discussion the validation it so desperately craves by perpetuating it, but the light from logic is getting further and further away with your every successive post.” <<>> -whatever2

#15

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/8/11 at 2:29pm

I probably should have asked to be reseated, but I sure couldn't see any empty seats, at least not in a good location. These were 10th row, almost center. I'm a little gun shy about asking to be reseated. Bad "Wicked" experience, but that's another story.
I can't expect these parents to keep their kid locked up, but yet I don't want to spend $75 bucks a seat and not be able to enjoy the show. I do like the idea of booking seats on an aisle. Being a parent/working with autistic kids is an incredibly difficult challenge. Probably no "right" answers.

#16

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/8/11 at 2:55pm

Unfottunatly that particular way of teaching is always done at the expense of someone else. For example, when the parents request that their autistic kid should be with regular kids with behaviour issues they don't take into account that it is giving a bunk full of bullies just more fuel to bully those kids with autism.

"If you try to shag my husband while I am still alive, I will shove the art of motorcycle maintenance up your rancid little Cu**. That's a good dear" Tom Stoppard's Rock N Roll

#17

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/8/11 at 3:32pm

I'm not going to argue the "learn by doing" approach, but if the parents are going to use that approach then they should at least sit next to the child so they can calm him down if he gets too loud.

Allowing him to act that way isn't teaching him how to behave in this particular social setting. So, really what's the point?

Having said all that I personally would take his autism into account and certainly be forgiving despite the interruption.

....but the world goes 'round

#18

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/9/11 at 11:14am

Doesn't it seem a little unreasonable to be offended when someone else doesn't want to sit next to your child and have their experience ruined, if the parents themselves don't want to make that sacrifice?

You don't go to the dragon without a present - Mark Rylance

#19

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/9/11 at 2:28pm

You could have said to the parents: "Excuse me, but your child's behavior is preventing those of us around him from enjoying the show. Can you do something about that?"

If they reacted defensively or uncooperatively--or if you were uncomfortable speaking to them directly--you could have explained the same thing to the house manager, who probably has experience dealing with similar situations.

#20

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/9/11 at 2:34pm

It seems very strange to me that, once they moved, the parents didn't put the boy in between them or on the aisle.

"Art, in itself, is an attempt to bring order out of chaos."-Stephen Sondheim

#21

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/9/11 at 4:57pm

I would usually agree that it's not right to ask more than once. But, being that it was their child, I do not feel you were wrong.

Formerly: WishingOnlyWounds2 - Broadway Legend - Joined: 9/25/08

#22

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/9/11 at 5:16pm

Am I the only person who is sickened by luvbrdway?

He paid for his ticket too. You saw a CHILD's show. A musical for KIDS. And you're complaining that a kid enjoyed it??? You are one SICK adult.

You should think the next time you complain about children when seeing a show that features half of a song where the leads fart and burp in time to the music.

YOU are out of line, sir or madame. Maybe ask for yourself to be reseated, to the theater, but how DARE you ask them to move their child.

#23

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/9/11 at 5:20pm

And how DARE you be offended that he laughed a little more than you did at the jokes in the show.

People with disabilities have rights, you know.

#24

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/9/11 at 5:32pm

"Am I the only person who is sickened by luvbrdway?"

Yep. Pretty much. OP was polite and respectful throughout. Save your outrage for something important.

#25

How should I have handled this, or what would you do?

Posted: 1/9/11 at 5:36pm

The OP was polite?

Not really. She asked more than once. Not yet has she mentioned whether the kid talked or not during the show. He laughed more than they did. And clapped more.

If that's disruptive, this person should stick to watching movie's in their personal living room where they can control how much someone enjoys a show.

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