Verbal abuse in the audience — Page 2

I have extremely thick and unruly hair that I often wear in a high bun… because I literally have no idea how to tame this lions mane. And this is one of my fears when going to the theatre. I make sure that I either spend half an hour straightening my hair and wear it down or I make sure it's in a very low pony. Its frustrating when you can't see, but if I'm ever in that situation I just suck it up. Unless it's a ridiculously out-of-control scenario, I can manage.

The fact that they called her disgusting makes them disgusting. There is just no excuse for that part.

again, there's a known pattern of rude behavior there. even if "disgusting" wasn't consciously racist, i'm prepared to believe it was intentionally vicious.

matter and anit-matter met at the opera. it wasn't going to end well.

but few operas do.

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Updated On: 1/21/15 at 03:49 PM

I have curly hair that I keep shoulder length or shorter and I had someone complain once (behind me, not to me) that my hair was blocking her view. I'm also only 5'2" and my hair does not take up a particularly wide swath of area, so I'm not really sure how my hair was blocking her view.

That being said, as has previously been mentioned, there are a lot of cultural politics tied up with natural hair, and it seems to me that a woman with natural hair is more likely to get called out about it than a lady with a teased, hairsprayed bouffant.

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Well tall people can control where they sit and yet they don't all sit in the last row.

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I'm 6' and my husband is 6'4". So I'm conscious that might make it difficult for people behind us in a theatre. So I intentionally sit low in my seat and try not to bob my head around so the folks behind us aren't having to dodge around trying to see between us. It's part of being in a public space. You have to be considerate of how your presence effects those around you.

I wonder if it just never occurred to the girl that her hair would be an issue. So she was embarrassed when it was pointed out to her. Embarrassment can easily turn to defensiveness and aggression in these circumstances.

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why do people feel the need take sides, concluding she was wronged or they were wronged? everyone behaved badly. sure racially-tinged bad behavior beats garden-variety bad behavior in the race to the bottom, but there is no "right" here.

we're all g*d's flawed creatures.

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I used to usher for various community theaters back in the late '80s-early '90s and the very very worst place to usher was the opera house. People were incredibly rude. One guy yelled at me just because I started showing him to his seat. "I'm a season subscriber I know where my seats are!!!" he screamed. Of course many of these rude people fell instantly asleep and snored loudly, decked out in their finest just so they take naps.

The worst experience I had recently I had at a theatre recently as a theatregoer was at an opera house in a major city. This woman 4 rows back screamed that she wanted me to change seats because she couldn't see. (the opera house has terrible sight lines) And when I looked she had a whole empty row to herself and there were several empty rows behind her--she could have easily moved). This was just as the lights were going down for Act 2. I'm 5' 11' by the way, not a giant and I have in the past switched seats with my shorter friend if people behind me ask us nicely. I can honestly say I'm very considerate. She called me names and said I was an "inconsiderate inconsiderate man". The usher calmed her down and then whispered to me "stay where you are, she's a regular and she does this all the time."

So unfortunately I view going to the opera as uncivilized civilized behavior.

Translation: I'm on Collier's side.

Updated On: 1/21/15 at 07:46 PM

My favorite is at GA concerts, when someone will be behind me and say "You're too tall, I can't see..." and it's like, you chose to stand behind me?! What am I missing?! Stand somewhere else?

Wow the lack of self-awareness in this thread and overeager attempt to defend racists is kind of depressing. Criticism about natural black hair comes with the implication that it is somehow lesser or more wild and thus black people are lesser and more wild. The language and tone (even before they showed their hand by using the word "disgusting") used by those who were complaining were full of dog whistle nonsense alluding to that idea. Being told to "tame" your hair or implying that she shouldn't wear it natural is straight up racist and having natural black hair shouldn't prevent you from being able to attend the opera or theater any more than being tall should.

The fact that people here would go out of their way to attack a victim of hateful remarks (admittedly her outfit was a bit casual) and defend racist behavior instead of sympathizing or at least trying to understand why she would be hurt is pretty vile and reeks of unchecked privilege.

Updated On: 1/22/15 at 05:57 PM

"This would be an issue regardless of skin color."

That is 100% false. The author's hairstyle is how black women's hair naturally grows, its only an issue because of her race. She doesn't have a particularly unruly style (it's not like it was a giant afro three times the size of her head), that's just what happens for many black women when they have shoulder length hair. It can be "controlled...tamed...changed" (which, great word choice btw) but only at great cost and effort. When you see a black woman with straight hair that looks like non-black hair, that required all kinds of expensive chemical relaxers and processes to make it look that way or it's a weave, which can cost over $1000 and require insane maintenance. If she wants to keep it natural, but braided, that can take an entire day to do. It's not like black women can just go get a quick blowout or easily change their hair the way people with non-black hair can. Watch the documentary "Good Hair," it might give you some perspective on this issue.

So sure she could go through one of these arduous processes every time she wants to attend something where people might sit behind her or change her hair more permanently so her hair falls like non-black hair, but she shouldn't have to do that any more than a tall person should have to slouch. To suggest that a black woman should have to go through those hair treatments just so she can attend a show or that her hairstyle is so outside the realm of normal to become inconsiderate demonstrates your utter lack of basic human understanding. If you can't grasp how its racist to criticize a black woman for wearing hair the way it normally grows in public, then you are just being willfully ignorant.

"If she was a tall patron, would it have been a reasonable request to ask her to shrink?"

Some think so, apparently. I am 6'3" and well used to the comments of disgruntled patrons behind me when I sit (even though I try to arrange my party so I sit in front of the tallest patron behind us or, better yet, on the end so I am in nobody's direct line of sight).

But one tiny lady actually asked me if I would fold up my seat bottom and sit on the floor for the second act! I was about to say something with my usual snark when I noticed that the continental seating left quite a bit of room between rows.

So I flipped up the seat bottom and tried the floor; as it turned out, I could see perfectly from there and still had plenty of room. And so that's where I spent Act II. The little old lady thanked me quite graciously after the show.

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Now I realize that tall people haven't faced the history of discrimination that people of color have faced, but I do wonder why Ms. Collier couldn't have just left her hair up for the remainder of the opera.

P.S. In groups of standees, I instinctively move to the back. So I'd like short people everywhere to know I am doing my best and not deliberately blocking your view.

What's most interesting to me is that she spent the first act plotting revenge on the mean old white man rather than focussing on the opera. Why was she there anyway?