What are your favorite lines of dialogue from a Broadway Musical?

[Mattbrain]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 12:58pm

What are some of your favorite lines from a Broadway musical?

Here's my personal picks:

Brooklyn:

Paradice: And as for the aging Ms. Paradice?

Paradice: If you turn your back on me now, America, you can all kiss my black ass!

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang:

Caractacus: Nice to meet you, Truly...what was it again? Nauseous?

Truly: We're not getting married! I'd be Truly Potts.

Baron: What's the theme of my party this year? Is it cowboys and Indians?

Baroness: No.

Baron: Is it a diaper party?

Baroness: After last year, never again!

Baron: This party sucks.

The Color Purple:

Shug: Sound like Mister goin' to the toilet on ya!
Celie: Sometimes it feel dat way!

Sofia: You tol' Harpo to beat me?

Sofia: Things are gonna change around here. Pass me them peas, Harpo!

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels:

Jersey Boys:

Tommy: There's type A who'll jump into bed with you and then bust your balls. And then there's type B who'll play hard to get, then sleep with you, and then bust your balls.

Mary: No, V-A-L-L-I...Because you're Italian. You gotta end in a vowel. Delgado. Casteluccio. Pizza. Valli with an I. It says, "This is who I am." You don't like it, you can go f**k yourself.

Frankie: They ask you, what was the high point? The Hall of Fame? Sellin' all those records? Pulling Sherry outta the hat? It was all great. But four guys under a streetlamp, when it was all just ahead of us. The first time we made that sound. Our sound. When everything dropped away and all there was was the music. That was the best. That's why I'm still out there singing. Like that bunny on tv with the battery. I just keep goin' and goin' and goin'. Chasin' the music. Tryin' to get home.

Frankie: You think you're making things right and then some other f***er with a needle comes along.

Monty Python's Spamalot:

If they were your favorite lines in the movie, they're probably your favorite lines in the show. Although:

Arthur: I thought you were a fairy.

Lady: Oh, no, that's Lancelot.

Lestat

Armand: If you think I have wronged you, mea culpa. But I DID keep the Children of Darkness safe for three centuries.

Marius: Do you see that crimson globe? I would get up.

Wicked:

Elphaba: No I'm not seasick, yes I've always been green, no I did not eat grass as a child.

Updated On: 9/9/06 at 12:58 PM

[Emcee4ever]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 1:01pm

Every single line from Cabaret. But if I had to choose...

"Politics? What does that have to do with us?"

[CapnHook]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 2:10pm

Peter Pan:

"To die would be an awfully big adventure."

[Raviolisun]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 2:15pm

Every single line from Spelling Bee.

"Billy, Put down that phylactery, we're Episcopalians!"

[alliez92092]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 2:28pm

I don't even like to have sex and eat bacon for 6 hours!
~Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

[worrell4077]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 2:45pm

Jersey Boys:

Tommy Devito:"That's our song. Oh What A Night, Ces Soirees-La, French. Number one in Paris, 2000, ten weeks. Not bad for a song from thirty years ago."

Bob Crewe:"You're not hearing it right. I hear it in sky blue and you're giving me brown."
Tommy Devito:"That's cause you're paying us s***."

Mary Delgado:"With friends like that, you should change your name to Sinatra."
Frankie Valli:"I'm going to be bigger than Sinatra."
Mary Delgado:"The only way you're going to be bigger than Sinatra is if you stand on a chair."

Tommy Devito:"Hey Nick, remember when we couldn't get arrested?"
Bob Gaudio:"When was that, when you were three."

Bob Gaudio:"It may come as a surprise to you, Tommy but I don't have a criminal record."
Tommy Devito:"Never to late to start one. Maybe you'll get a song out it. Oh me, Oh my-o. Did some time in ole ohio."

Bob Gaudio:"I'm not drawn to the old neighborhood. My life never revolved around the old neighborhood. I could give a f*** about the old neighborhood."

Frankie Valli:"What if they don't like me as a solo performer."
Bob Gaudio:"What makes you think they liked you before."
Frankie Valli:"F*** You."

[baltimorebroadway]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 2:47pm

Sweeney Todd:

Mrs. Lovett; Locksmith?

Posted: 9/9/06 at 6:08pm

You lie, you lie, I've never been so thin... DREAMGIRLS

[Freckles1329]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 6:29pm

Wicked... I'm sorry, I had to...

Glinda: It's dreadful, to have a house fall on you. But, accidents will happen.
Elphaba: You call this an accident?!
Glinda: Maybe not an accident...
Elphaba: What do you call it?
Glinda: A regime change. Caused by a bizarre and unexpected twister of fate.
Elphaba: Oh, you think cyclones just appear, out of the blue!
Glinda:Well, I don't know, I never -
Elphaba: Well of course you never. You're too busy telling people how wonderful everything is!
Glinda: Well I'm a publice figure now, people expect me to -
Elphaba: Lie!
Glinda: To be encouraging!

[sidneybruhl]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 6:33pm

I know I'm paraphrasing, but in "Piazza" when Margaret says: "It's for nights like this that hotel bars were specifically made."

[VonTussleGirl]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 7:31pm

From Into the Woods:

Jack's Mother: Children...can be very queer about their animals. You be careful with your children.
Baker's Wife: I have no children...
Jack's Mother: That's okay too!

I may be biased, but that was my favorite moment of the show.

[MusicalDirector109]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 8:13pm

The entire graduation scene from "Carousel". I am moved to tears everytime I hear it.

[Mattbrain]

Posted: 9/9/06 at 10:08pm

Worrel, thank you so much for those lines. Thank you for bringing back those memories. Also:

Bob Crewe: This is a passionate ballad about teenage angst! Well, isn't it?

[sdsm2006]

Posted: 9/10/06 at 1:08am

The Producers:

Max: I've spent my entire life in the theater. I was a protege of the great Boris Tomaschevski.
Chorus: Ooh!
Max: Yes. He taught me everything I know. I'll never forget, he turned to me on his deathbed and said, "Maxella, alle menschen muss zu machen, jeden tug a gentzen kachen!"
Nun: What does that mean?
Max: Who knows? I don't speak Yiddish. Strangely enough, neither did he. But in my heart I knew what he was saying.
He was saying, when you're down and out, and everybody thinks you're finished, that's the time to stand up on your two feet and shout, "Who do you have to f*ck to get a break in this town?!"



Dirty Rotten Scoundrels:

Freddy: ... Don't snore at the opera-
Lawrence: It was Wagner-
Freddy: It was SIX hours! I don't even like to have sex and eat bacon for six hours!


Freddy: Okay.... L-A-H-O-M-A
Lawrence: It's not funny!
::Andre starts laughing. Lawrence glares at him. Andre stops.::
Andre: ...It's a little funny.



25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee:

(slight spoiler for whoever hasn't seen it)

Marcy: JESUS! I knew you were Asian!

and I don't remember it completely but when Marcy asks would he care if she lost and he responds with a "No" - but it's also not the sort of thing he actually cares about.

[Mamie]

Posted: 9/10/06 at 1:39am

Muriel: I would like to thank you for a lovely time. I'll never forget your generous hospitality and the sights of your little town or the heat of you riding me cross-eyed like some glorious bucking French stallion.

André: Excuse me?

Muriel: It really is a charming place.

André: Yes well - perhaps next time you pass this way I can show you the countryside. There is the most delightful little vineyard where you can once again wrap your legs around my head and squeeze it like a grape until the wine of your lust flows from my eyes.

Muriel: What?!

André: They make cheese, too!

- Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

[jjoey076]

Posted: 9/10/06 at 10:09am

The Christmas Eve/Princeton Spat in ACT I about "lots of gays have contributed to society in art, etc..." I don't know it, but it's funny.

[HeartandMusic]

Posted: 9/10/06 at 11:03am

"Do you know what an ecdysiast is?"
~Gypsy

[bdwybelle]

Posted: 9/10/06 at 1:01pm

"Have you been in the Aquarium again?"

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Probably not my favorite, but at the time, it was hilarious.

Posted: 9/10/06 at 1:03pm

just look at my signature, lol

[broadwayjavajunkie]

Posted: 9/10/06 at 2:25pm

"Sounds like a Baptist!" from The Light In The Piazza

"I'm gonna jump!' 'Don't do it!' 'Okay.'" from Avenue Q.

"Whaaaaaaaaaat?" from The Drowsy Chaperone.

[SNLMedia]

Posted: 9/10/06 at 3:03pm

Hairspray: "There are names for women who've abandoned their daughters who've gotten themselves arrested for trying to integrate an after-school sock-hop-type television show!" It's so drawn-out and wordy and always makes me laugh.

sidneybruhl, I also like that line from Piazza.

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 9/10/06 at 3:18pm

Tarzan...

Jane: What are you? A wild man? Well, the man part is quite obvious, given that your apparel reveals your... anatomy in such... extraordinary detail.

[alliez92092]

Posted: 9/10/06 at 3:22pm

"Clara, stop that! That's illegal!"
~Light in the Piazza

[WiiCKED x3]

Posted: 9/10/06 at 4:44pm

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels:
Freddy: ...She tought me a hell of a lot than you have! I mean god! Walk like this, talk like that, zip your fly! Don't snore at the opera
Lawrence: It was Wagner
Freddy: It was six hours! I don't even like to have sex and eat bacon for six hours!

Lawerance: Jolene, as your people say... woah!

Freddy: May I wheel in?

The Wedding Singer:

Robbie: Hi Glen! I kissed her but it didn't mean anything.
Glen: Kissed who?
Holly: Me!
Glen: Who hasn't?
^ I'm not sure if that one's right, I have all of TWS qoutes on my other computer.

Wicked:
Elphaba: What? What are you all looking at? Oh! Is there something in my teeth? All right, fine let's just get this over with: no i'm not seasick, yes i've always been green, no I didn't eat grass as a child.

Galinda: It seems the artichoke is steemed.

Glina: The GA is silent!

Glinda: (Gasps) Is that... the Grimmerie?!
Mme. Morrible: Yes.
Glinda: Can I touch it?
Mme. Morrible: No!

I know the whole script to DRS and Wicked, but those are my favorite quotes of both of the shows.

[NJRae]

Posted: 9/10/06 at 5:18pm

"We can't all come and go by bubble, you know!"

And I may be paraphrasing on this one but:
"That's right, you just follow that same road the whole time. Oh I hope they don't get lost. I'm so bad at giving directions!"