"You Might be gay if..." (a few funny broadway references)

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 10:12am

I found this online and thought is was father funner funny. A few of the Broadway references are a bit silly. I love the one about the tony Awards.


1. You regularly use the phrase "window treatment."
2. Your kitchen drawer contains a shrimp de-veiner, a mushroom brush, or a lemon reamer.

3. You’re over thirty and thinner than you were in high school.

4. You know all the lyrics to any musical besides Jesus Christ Superstar.

5. Your Christmas decorations include dried roses or baby’s breath.

6. You know the difference between a "soundtrack" and an "original cast album."

7. You tape Martha Stewart Living religiously.

8. The only professional sports you watch on TV are gymnastics, diving, and figure skating.

9. You know what a sconce is.

10. You have a pet named "Liza," "Gypsy," or "Talullah.

11. You have more ties than teeth.

12. You know how to spell Barbra’s first name.

13. You’ve never felt the need to use Barbra’s last name.

14. You know whether Rogers or Hammerstein wrote the music.

15. You’ve ever watched the Miss America pageant and said "Where did she get that dress!"

16. It took you a while to realize that International Male was a catalog.

17. You’ve ever canceled a date because it conflicted with the Tony Awards.

18. You know the difference between "seafoam" and "celadon."

19. Your video collection contains All About Eve, The Women, or Mommie Dearest.

20. You’ve ever been to a professional football game, spent the whole time watching the cheerleaders, and critiqued their performance.

21. You receive a floral arrangement and can name more than three flowers.

22. You’ve ever used the phrase "floral arrangement."

23. Your Christmas stocking as a child contained bronzer or a moisturizer.

24. You know where to find tulle really cheap.

25. You can tie a bow tie on someone else.

26. You know whether Chita or Rita did the film version of West Side Story.

27. Your mother calls you for decorating tips.

28. The names Jeff Stryker, Ryan Idol or Casey Donovan mean anything to you at all.

29. You have "dress" sneakers.

30. You own more than two throw pillows, and they didn’t come with the couch.

31. You’ve ever seriously considered purchasing a divan.

32. You chose your socks this morning to bring out your eyes.

33. You use a Crate and Barrel bag as a lunch box.

34. The only reason you learned how to use the record function on your VCR was because it was male-strippers day on Donahue.

35. You know exactly where you were the night that Judy, Ethel or Lucy died.

36. Special K means something to you besides breakfast.

37. You own any article of clothing with the logo "2(x)ist."

38. You still mourn the premature demise of Conran’s.

39. You’ve ever bought a Barbie doll for your niece’s birthday, but her party comes and goes and she never actually opens up a Barbie doll for a present.

40. You’ve ever walked down the street, had a dozen beautiful men say hello to you, and not been able to recall a single face or name.

41. You own a pair of kneepads yet play no organized sport.

42. You’ve ever uttered the phrases "Get her!," "She’s a mess," or "What’s her problem?"

43. You talk in italics.

44. You’ve ever needed a massage because you’d overworked your eyebrows.

45. You simply hate the color lavender because it makes you look sallow.

46. Someone says "How ‘bout them Bulls?" and all you can think of are petite picadors in tight pants.

47. You see a sign for IKEA, Pottery Barn, or Hold Everything and your palms start to sweat.

48. You require two syllables to say "please."

49. Your pairs of shoes outnumber days of the week.

50. Your underwear drawer is filled with nothing but Calvin Klein, in assorted styles and colors.

51. You save the packaging materials from said Calvin Klein purchases.

52. At eighth grade dances you were the only boy who could stay on the beat.

53. You’ve ever, while walking down the street, executed an impromptu series of grande jettees.
54. You still can’t get over the fact that Sunday in the Park with George lost out to La Cage Aux Folles in nearly every category in the 1984 Tony’s.

55. You’ve ever gone to a Mel Gibson movie, merely in the hope that he will repeat his butt-bearing performance in Lethal Weapon.

56. You’ve ever felt guilty at being attracted to someone as homophobic as Mel Gibson.

57. You know what Lyle Waggoner, Sam J. Jones, Christopher Atkins, Fabian, and Tommy Chong have in common.

58. You display in any public form a reproduction of Michaelangelo’s David.

59. You’ve ever trimmed your pubic hair to make "it" look bigger.

60. You’ve ever sighed with jealousy at the sight of a starlet in a feather boa.

61. You take a size-13 pump.

62. You own any chaps and they weren’t designed by Ralph Lauren.

63. The last time you put on a floor-length organdy ball gown, you first had to shave your chest.

64. By the time the bus has arrived at your stop, you’ve given every other passenger a "fashion score."

65. You’d sooner skip a day at the gym than show up in a work-out ensemble that just didn’t match.

66. If you’re the only male sibling in a family of ten and grandmother left you the Limoges.

67. You can think of more than five uses for a doily.

68. Whenever you hear the name "Christina," you get the urge to shout "Bring me the axe!"

69. You’re currently wearing a studded, leather ring approximately 3 inches in diameter, but no one can see it.

70. You know who Dorothy Gale is.

71. You’ve ever spontaneously quoted any of the lines from Auntie Mame.

72. You’ve ever run a red light because you were too busy thinking about what you were going to wear to the White Party.

73. You’ve ever bought a pair of jeans because they gave you a nice "basket."

74. You’ve bookmarked www.menonthenet.com.

75. You’ve ever turned when someone yelled "Hey, Mary!" and your name isn’t Mary.

76. You worship Marky Mark, but own none of his CDs.

77. You can tell on sight the difference between a salchow and a triple lutz.

78. You’ve sworn never ever again to get drunk and do your Bette Davis impersonation.

79. You’re the only one in the class picture wearing spats and an ascot.

80. You used adverbs before the age of two.

81. You know exactly where to find those Brad Pitt photos on the internet.

82. You prefer Maria’s 1958 Normas to her 1959 Normas.

83. The idea of a car-parts store with the name "Ellis the Rim Man" makes you giggle.

84. You have more friends named Richard, Steven, and Michael than Rich, Steve, and Mike.

85. You’ve ever coiffed so aggressively that you drew blood.

86. The last time you danced at a wedding, you accidently started to follow.

87. People admire your "six-pack," and you don’t drink soda or beer.

88. You’ve ever introduced someone as your "partner," and you’re not in business together.

89. If you’ve ever sent anything in black latex as a gift.

90. You’re known as someone who works "The Circuit," but you have no knowledge whatsover of electronics.

91. In your last "divorce" you fought over who would get the Soloflex.

92. You’ve ever answered the phone at night to the sound of a husky male voice and asked ‘So, what’re you into?’ only to find the guy’s from Citibank.

93. You regularly slap other men on the butt, but you don’t coach a football team.

94. Your home decor encompasses more than one kind of Chippendale.

95. Your dog is smaller than a bread box.

96. To you the antonym for "no" is "fabulous."

97. At the gym you spend more time in the shower than on the stairmaster.

98. You’ve ever entered a house and audibly admired the wainscotting.

99. You regularly "toss the salad," and it involves no greenery or vegetable of any kind.

100. You’ve ever said "Look at the tits on her!" and there were no women anywhere in sight.

101. You’ve ever gone 5 blocks out of your way to walk through Times Square to check out the latest Antonio Sabato billboards.

[AReinkingfan]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 10:53am

HA HA HA HA!!!

This is an absolute RIOT! I should team up with Deanna and create the lesbian version!!

Thanks for a good laugh that was desperately needed today.

[TheaterBaby]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 1:36pm

OMG LOL I was laughing so much at that list. Of course, being a straight female, I can relate to most of it.

[Deannaizme]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 1:57pm

LOL ... that was great!

ARF, maybe we should come up with a list. :)

~D

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 2:05pm

68. Whenever you hear the name "Christina," you get the urge to shout "Bring me the axe!"

for some reason, that one cracked me up.


Ok, Ok. I've got some for the lesbian list::

1.) The primary fabric in your wardrobe is flannel.
2.) Your friends give you powertools for your birthday.
3.) You wore a tux to your prom
4.) You think a mullet is a fashionable haircut.

:) :)

[TheaterBaby]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 2:10pm

5.) You haven't owned a dress since you were 7 years old.
6.) You got the joke when Rosie called herself Lebonese back in like season 2 or 3.
7.) Your hair is shorter than Brad Pitt's.
8.) You wish you were Brad Pitt.

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 2:12pm

9.) When you played house in preschool, you were always the man of the house.

[TheaterBaby]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 2:16pm

10.) You talk with your father about sports more than your brother does.

LOL This is fun. Come on! We need women who are actually lesbians adding stuff!

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 2:20pm

11.) The phrase "eating out" doesn't refer to a restaraunt. Updated On: 6/23/03 at 02:20 PM

[TheaterBaby]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 2:30pm

OHHHH Man! LOL

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 2:32pm

I HAD to. It was too easy and I couldn't resist. I tried to. Be I had to do it.



I got another one.
12.) You know how to use a turkey baster... but not on a turkey. Updated On: 6/23/03 at 02:32 PM

[AReinkingfan]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 3:31pm

The sad thing is... those are stereotypes that just don't fit me at all. I don't even own a cat, and I LOATHE Melissa Etheridge (although my partner ADORES her - YUCK). I love dance music and Broadway. I think I am a gay man trapped in a woman loving lesbian body. OH MY GOD!!!

But I DO know what a turkey baster is for,and I own dresses. I just don't wear them. Ha ha.

Oh and I prefer to "Dine In".


EEP!

Updated On: 6/23/03 at 03:31 PM

[WTripleThreat]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 3:50pm

i love it...*PRINT* gay jokes are even funnier when they're close to home. i know i use "fabulous" more often than "yes"... :-P

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 3:53pm

I was going through and figuring out which ones apply to me. LOL. It was funny as hell.

[Deannaizme]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 4:20pm

NONE of those descriptors fit me, though. I guess I'm a lesbian oddity -- I wear makeup, and actually do own (and wear, on occasion) dresses. But I do play softball, soccer, and tennis. Quite the interesting mix, hmm?

~D

[luluhed]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 5:15pm

I probably answered yes to more of the gay man questions than a lot of gay men, lol!

[Dollypop]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 5:21pm

This whole threat is hilarious!

[Deannaizme]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 8:45pm

ROFL ... eating in.

[AReinkingfan]

Posted: 6/23/03 at 11:01pm

You know it, Girlfriend! ( :

[orion59]

Posted: 6/25/03 at 8:08am

Ok, at the risk of sounding heterosexual.......can someone explain #82 to me?

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/25/03 at 8:10am

At the risk of sounding like a breeder, I'm not sure. Given the years and the name Maria, I venture to say it may be somehow related to the original Broadway production of the Sound of Music. Not too sure though.

[InterestedBystander]

Posted: 6/25/03 at 8:22am

#82 refers to Maria Callas and the opera, Norma, that she sang at various stages of her career.

Can someone shed some light on #57...."You know what Lyle Waggoner, Sam J. Jones, Christopher Atkins, Fabian, and Tommy Chong have in common".

I feel I'm going to have to turn my card in since I don't know this one!

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/25/03 at 8:28am

Ah, thank you for clearing that up. I am admittedly NOT up to snuff on my opera.
57 is another one I am not familiar with.

[tpdc]

Posted: 6/25/03 at 10:14pm

#57--They were all naked in Playgirl. That is a funny list. Thanks for posting it.

[InterestedBystander]

Posted: 6/26/03 at 8:57am

Thank you for the answer to #57. Lyle Waggonner in Playgirl? Oh my!