I promise you’ll be happy, and even if you’re not, There’s more to life than that. Don’t ask me what.
* * *
You heard he has a temper, he’ll beat you every night, But only when he’s sober, so you’re all right.
Do You Love Me, from Fiddler
Then you love me. I suppose I do. And I suppose I love you, too. It doesn’t change a thing, but even so, After 25 years, it’s nice to know.
Why Can’t the English, from My Fair Lady
By rights she should be taken out and hung [NOTE: grammatically, it should be “hanged.”] For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.
Let a Woman in Your Life, from My Fair Lady
She’ll have a large, Wagnerian mother, with a voice that shatters glass.
Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh (Il Muto), from Phantom of the Opera
They say that this youth has set my Lady's heart aflame! His Lordship, sure, would die of shock His Lordship is a laughing-stock! Should he suspect her, God protect her! Shame! Shame! Shame! This faithless lady's bound for HADES! Shame! Shame!! Shame! Serafimo - your disguise is perfect. Who can this be? Gentle wife, admit your loving husband. My love - I am called to England on affairs of State, And must leave you with your new maid. Though I'd happily take the maid with me. The old fool's leaving! Serafimo - away with this pretence! You cannot speak, but kiss me in my husband's absence! Poor fool, he makes me laugh! Haha, Haha... Time I tried to get a better better half! Poor fool, he doesn't know! Hoho, Hoho... If he knew the truth, he'd never, ever go!
Anything Joel Grey did in the revival of Anything Goes Particularly "if you're ever in a mill and get sawed in half, I won't laugh *laughs hysterically*"
13: "If that's what it is, then that's what it is, at least until Disney can rewrite it"
"Skip, skipped the ladies to the master's gate Sip, sipped the ladies while the master ate Tiptoed the chambermaids who stole their pearls Snip, snipped the gardener and cut off their curls"
I love "But Mr. Adams" from 1776, where Adams, Franklin, and Jefferson debate the merits of writing the Declaration of Independence vs. making love.
Jefferson: Mr. Adams, leave me alone!
Adams: Mr. Jefferson, dear Mr. Jefferson I'm only 41; I still have my virility And I can romp through Cupid's Grove with great agility But life is more than sexual combustibility
Jefferson: Mr. Adams, damn you Mr. Adams You're obnoxious and disliked; that cannot be denied Once again you stand between me and my lovely bride Oh, Mr. Adams, you are driving me to homicide!
Others: Homicide, homicide, we may see murder yet!
I don't think any of these are repeats, but here are some of my favorites, off the top of my head (I think they're all accurate, but I apologize if any are off. Very slow connection here and I can't double-check.):
"There's no time to sit and dither while her withers whither with her, And no one keeps a cow for a friend!" - Sondheim, "Into the Woods"
Edgar: My father's at the North Pole, With Admiral Perry and Eskimos! Where is your mother? Girl: Dead. - "Ragtime"
"Look at the world. You think there's a G-d? There isn't a G-d! Not when you've got those crazy nuns like Mother Theresa who won't give those Indians rubbers and so they have babies and babies and everyone's crowded and hungry and starving! Of course, if Indian food was all I had to eat, I wouldn't eat." - LaChiusa, "See What I Wanna See"
"I saw 'My Fair Lady.' I sort of enjoyed it." - Sondheim, "Merrily We Roll Along" (and pretty much all the lyrics in "Opening Doors," and the Kennedy number)
"Some people can't find success with their art Some people never feel love in their heart Some people can't tell the two things apart, But I keep rolling on." - Jason Robert Brown, "The Last Five Years"
"And how your hat is carried in the air just so you can chase it Just so I can be there This is how I know This is what I see This is love to me" - Adam Guettel, "The Light in the Piazza"
"There's a melody for every malady. Prescription song, you see." - "Passing Strange"
But I know, he’ll appear Though I seem a bit bipolar And I’m a vandal now as well, though he won’t mind I’m a find, I’m a catch And a very gifted bowler! It won’t be long now, I guarantee!