Are there any gay teachers or educators on here?- Page 2

[SonofRobbieJ]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 2:12pm

Just cop to it, Calvin. You're old. It's ok. You won't be fired. Yet.

I had a teacher in high school who was gay. He was also a Christian Brother and this was a Catholic school. He actually worked pretty hard behind the scenes to try and tamp down some of the faculty homophobia, to good results. And this was 19oldasmethusala.

I just wonder what the world will look like in 20 years in regards to the closet and the concept of what is or isn't private.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 2:41pm

Strummer, when I was a teacher my students asked me personal questions all the time. I usually just answered them, unless it was something like did I smoke pot in college.

[strummergirl]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 2:52pm

Stock, usually the questions about a teacher's personal life at my school were usually preempted by the teachers themselves mentioning their spouse/kid in an as a matter of fact way then there would be some kids asking questions. I honestly thought my music teacher was gay but then he talked about his wife being pregnant so that basically pushed me to never asking about personal life since it is none of my business unless they are open to talking about it.

[MTVMANN]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 2:56pm

Thanks for the responses!

I live in TX...and I do work as a sub and try to take long-term positions, which is what I have now. Right now, it's 9th and 10th grade (but I subbed about 1.5 months ago for 5th grade).

I agree that it is inappropriate but that doesn't stop anything.

I just have trouble dealing with that situation because in a way I think it can lead to other things, so to speak. In many peoples minds Gay=sex (that's the best way for me to put it). That puts me in a hard place because I don't know what to do. Plus, I'm a private person in general. I don't like to discuss my personal life with anyone for the most part (unless it's with all you fine people!).
So I'd almost not like to answer the question.

At any rate, this is why I perfer to work with Special Ed. students! This never comes up!

[twinbelters]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 3:11pm

Interesting thread. I have wondered about this myself even though I am not in education.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 3:15pm

LOL, Strummer, my kids would call me at home over the summer. I was also their cheer coach so that's why they had my phone number. I was like "Can I never get away from you girls?"

[winston89]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 4:47pm

Here is one that I don't understand. My cousin and his wife are both history professors at the same college. She kept her name (for reasons that have nothing to do with work). Now, the school asked them to keep their marriage under the rug. Of course students see them eating together sometimes and if a student has a hunch and asks neither one is going to deny it. However, there is a professor there that is openly gay. My cousins find it odd but great that the openly gay professor can and does talk about his partner all the time. They find it great because he is able to do that without having to be worried about getting fired. However, they find it odd that he is allowed to do that yet they have to keep the fact that they are married swept under the rug.

[adamgreer]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 4:48pm

I teach middle school (7th and 8th grade this year, 5th grade next year), and the question has sort of come up in a roundabout way. I've been asked if I was married, had kids, or had a girlfriend, the answer to all of which is no. I've never discussed my sexuality with the students, though the staff knows. If a student asked me, I would not lie about it, though it's not something I get up and announce the first day of school.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 4:59pm

MTV, when one of your High School students ask you if you are gay, stand tall and say "Heavens to Betsy, aren't YOU a Nosey Nelly for asking me a question like that! Goodness, Gracious, such curiosity! When I get asked a question like that, I ask myself, "What would Cher do?" and say "None of your beeswax!"

Then they'll know you are and no one can possibly fault you for telling.
Updated On: 5/11/10 at 04:59 PM

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 5:20pm

I usually just answered them, unless it was something like did I smoke pot in college.

Oh, Stockard...like anyone would need to ask.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 6:46pm

I think there is no right answer: it depends on the students quesioning, it depends on who is answering, it depends on the community and so many other things.

I certainly don't feel any human should feel they have to HIDE the fact that they are gay, but it in no way MUST be made public. I didn't announce to my students that I was getting a divorce....and that's just as "personal".

I talk so much about gay characters, gay plays, gay rights, gay actors -- I'm convinced some kids think that I am gay. (It's odd now that me talking about going to the theater with my girlfriend is no longer assumed to be platonic.) No one has ever asked. Are there rumors or talk? Dont know, maybe.

Our gay/lesbian/straight organization interviewed me recently about whether a gay teacher SHOULD tell students. My response was something like: if it's appropriate for me to mention my (now ex-) husband, than so should a gay person be able to. Its only wrong for them if its wrong for me.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 7:17pm

"Oh, Stockard...like anyone would need to ask."

Well........yeah.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 7:31pm

I didn't announce to my students that I was getting a divorce....and that's just as "personal".

For the purpose of this thread, I'm not sure that it IS just as personal. You can't be fired for getting a divorce, as far as I know, at least not in a public school.

I feel bad for the people who have to jump through hoops to ... if not really hide but just sort of circumvent their sexuality because of their job. And I get why one might have to, but i keep thinking about what Robbie said about when does it STOP being such a personal thing?

[TheatreFan4]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 7:44pm

that's why they had my phone number.

Most of my teachers just hand out their numbers. My french teacher last year said if you are going to crank call her just to make sure it was before 9PM. I loved her.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 7:49pm

I'm a retired teacher.

Whenever this question was asked of me, I threw it back to the student and asked, "Why do you want to know? Are you coming down with the warm fuzzies for me? If so, maybe we should make an appointment with your guidance counselor. I'll gladly join you there if you find this is a difficult matter to discuss with him."

Heterosexual teachers weren't asked this question. It was solely aimed at me because I was gay. To admit that I was gay would be opening myself up for violence in the school where I was working. As it was, my car had been stolen by my students and I'd been beaten up twice by them.

[BwayTday]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 8:44pm

I have two opinions on this, there are kinda conflicting though.

On one hand, I feel like you should be able tell the student. Of course, as a student, although I might be curious about a teacher's personal life, I wouldn't ask them anything they aren't comfortable talking about freely. Which many of mine do. Like dramamama said, if the strait teachers can talk about there spouses or relationships homosexual teachers should be able to.

On the other hand, many students can be homophobic because of society and stupidity. And the student could be asking for malicious reasons. Someone said that a parent did not think a teacher talking about there life was appropriate, but I cannot help but think would the parent react differently if it was a heterosexual relationship the teacher was talking about.

[TheatreFan4]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 9:05pm

Most of my teachers talk about their personal lives and are close with a lot their students. It's probably because it's a small town, but I think it builds a connection.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 9:20pm

"Most of my teachers just hand out their numbers. My french teacher last year said if you are going to crank call her just to make sure it was before 9PM. I loved her."

She sounds fun! I didn't want any of my regular students calling me, but since I taught fashion marketing most of them were friends with my cheerleaders anyway so they could just get the number from them. Once they were having a party and they called me and had everyone yell stuff to me. I could tell they were drinking (it was over the summer) so I just told them I was going to pretend I never got that call and hung up.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 9:28pm

MANY school prohibit personal phone numbers to be given out. We are discouraged from doing so, but it is not forbidden. I do know someone that was fired for having a students number in their cell phone.

I think that a teacher that CHOSES to tell his/her students has every right to. I just don't think it is the right of a student to ASK, under most circumstances.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 9:35pm

dramamamma, like I said the only reason those kids had my number is because I was their cheer coach. There were many times we needed to get in touch with each other about practices/competitions etc.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 10:00pm

Stockard -- no judgement made, my district wouldn't fire someone over it, I'm sure there are MANY reasons that it makes sense!

[StockardFan]

Posted: 5/11/10 at 10:17pm

Oh I know.....I was just clarifying.

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 5/12/10 at 12:09am

Student teaching taught me a lot more than all of my college classes combined. That said, here are just a few of the many instances.

The teacher that taught kindergarten told us this story.

Remember: Kindergartners more or less believe anything they hear and take things quite literally.

This teacher was telling the students that her own children learned to count the way she was teaching them and now they can count beautifully, even counting by two's. A student raises her hand and says, "Ms ____, does your girlfriend partner like to count that way?" This child had no ulterior motives. She was asking, what seemed to be, a completely harmless question. She was a sweet kid and was generally a good student but did ask a lot of questions.
The teacher's answer was simple "yes, she does like to count using the method we are learning."

It wasn't over! Big bad wolf (6 yrs old) who knows EVERYTHING tried to give quite a talk on what being gay means and what was going to happen if "you like someone that had the same parts down there as you do."

The teacher told the kid that it was time to continue learning and if he couldn't control himself, he would have time out. The lesson (on counting) continued.

~~~~

I think telling older kids is probably not the best idea knowing that gay relationships are, unfortunately, not widely accepted. Additionally, many students in the older grades have motives which we like to think that they didn't have. We don't need to give them more fuel...they have enough on their own. G/d forbid that Mr.____ and Ms._____ are talking....it must mean they are dating!! Next thing you know, a parent in a supermarket will say that she saw a text her son received that said you were dating Ms.______.

This is why I chose to work with elementary school (younger end...1st-2nd grade). While it definitely has it's challenges, I feel that the younger children are more interested in learning (in general) rather than finding something wrong with everything.

I would not go out of my way to say that I'm gay. On the other hand, I wouldn't go out of my way to say I'm straight. I tell the students what I want or need them to know. If something personal will help them in some way, I'll share.
I think you need to determine your boundaries. If they (the student) has a question or concern related to school, they can ask you. If they are having a personal problem, you will listen and try to help and point them to the right source if need be. However, they have no right to ask you personal questions. If you share personal information, it's because you chose to and you believe it will be of value.

It's late, I'm tired and don't feel like re-reading or editing this so I appologize if it's not real organized or coherent.

[dramamama611]

Posted: 5/12/10 at 5:48am

Another issue with being public in school settings:

Men already have it harder as a teacher. They already have the concerns of female students claiming sexual harrassment, now an openly gay man would open himself up to MALE students making the same claim. Male teachers can't even tell a female student she is inappropriately dressed without it beign blown out of control...

And yes....kids gossip about teachers...but not nearly as much as you would think: they are too egocentric. Additionally, it's not much different if the rumor about who you may be dating is about a man or a woman.

[ErikJ972]

Posted: 5/12/10 at 6:32am

"I think telling older kids is probably not the best idea knowing that gay relationships are, unfortunately, not widely accepted."

And doesn't staying in the closet just reinforce all of those negative stereotypes?