A friend of mine sent this to me a few days ago...I knew this crowd would appreciate it. (Sorry if its a repeat...)
LET'S RETIRE AT THE HILTON
"No nursing home for me! I'm checking into the Hilton. With the
average cost for a nursing home per day reaching $188.00, there is a
better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on
reservations at the Hilton. For a combined long-term stay discount and
senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves .... $138.77 a day
for:
1. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner in any restaurant I want, or
room service.
2. Laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.
Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge,
washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have
free shampoo and soap. They treat you like a customer, not a patient.
$5.00 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to
help you.
There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The
handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). To
meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays. For a change of
scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice
restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.
Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Hilton will
take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place
forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.
Want to see Hawaii? They have a Hilton there, too. ..the
wonderful Hilton Hawaiian Village and Spa.
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress
replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the
inconvenience. The Inn has a night security person and daily room
service. The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the
undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare
will pay for the hip, and Hilton will upgrade you to a suite for the
rest of your life.
And no worries about visits from family. They will always be
glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation.
The grandkids can use the pool.
What more can you ask for?
So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin. Just
forward all my e-mails to the Hilton!"
Upon telling this story at a dinner with friends and too much red
wine, we came up with even more benefits the Hilton provides to
retirees:
Most standard rooms have coffeemakers, easy chairs with
ottomans, and satellite TV -- all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon.
After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children (free
local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant
where you meet new and exotic people every day. Many Hilton's even
feature live entertainment on the weekends.
Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free
Program. You can invite your grandkids over after school to have a
free dinner with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.
If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar
surroundings, in a Hilton you'll always feel at home because wherever
you go, the rooms all look the same.
And if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you
never have to worry about not finding your room--your electronic key
fits only one door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
I told Stephen Bollenback, CEO of Hilton this story. I'm happy
to report that he was positively ecstatic at the idea of seniors
checking in for a year or more at one of their hotels. Stephen said
we could have easily knocked them down to $40 a night!
See you at the Hilton...and not just for a "Bounce Back
Weekend"...but for the rest of our lives!
Let's Retire At The Hilton
To all the advantages already mentioned, I can also add a few more:
No property tax to pay
No utilility bills to worry about
No house maintenance and housework to think of
No house insurance to pay
No junk mail to sort out
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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