Cheating because you have no will power?

I sit next to a guy at work who just told me that he really doesn't want to cheat on his wife, but he just can't help himself. That got me thinking, is he an idiot, or is it possible that he can't help himself.

Now I can only speak for myself, but I'm pretty dumb and manic a lot of the time, and may very well act as stupid as he does. Of course, I would have to be found attractive by two people first. One to be my spouse, and one to be the elicit lover.

What does everyone else think?

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That actually makes a lot of sense. Though I've never cheated, I can definitely say that I have approached scenarios in the manner in which you speak of.

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Wow Blaxx. That's really nice. Can you elaborate on your belief a bit? Just because?

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Not cheating takes a combination of respect for your partner, will power, and lack of opportunity. And it helps if you have a lot of the first two and not too much of the last.

I don't know...maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I believe that if you don't feel emotional pain just thinking about someone being sexually intimate with your partner, than something must be wrong with your relationship. These "open relationships" these days are just a cop out in my opinion. Basically, you aren't mature enough to really BE in a relationship, and all of the responsibilities that go with it - so you decide to live the "single life" sexually.

I'm pretty liberal when it comes to most things....but come on.

*climbs down off of soapbox*

I never said discussion, I said agreement. A marriage is already an agreement. But within that agreement there are fine lines - some might consider having coffee with somebody else cheating, or meeting with an ex to chat. I just think that whatever you do, it should be clear and never implied.

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"If your dad . . ."
"Some men . . ."

So this is only a male phenomenon? Who knew.

There are no universal rules. The "commitment" needs to be mutually agreed-upon by the people involved. That's all.

If he's having sexual encounters outside of this relationship, and his wife is not cool with it, he has violated their commitment. It's not up to him alone to make the decision. But if it's mutually agreed-upon, he hasn't violated the commitment.

More often than not, though, I see an "open relationship" that's really only "open" with one of the partners. That, i find wrong.

Approaching it from the other side, I've been in a situation (a couple of times actually) where I've been approached by someone in a relationship who wanted to involve me (presumably for a fling). I couldn't and wouldn't do it. At the time, I was single (so it was a while ago), but I knew I wanted a sexually and emotionally monogamous relationship myself someday. There was no way I could involve myself (knowingly) in any relationship that wasn't. Plus, it was clear to me that the other partner, in both cases, wasn't aware of what was going on. At best, he was "turning a blind eye." Again, I find that wrong.

I think "responsibility" and "respect" are key words missing from many so-called committed relationships today. A lot of "grownups" who are acting anything but grown-up.

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Updated On: 10/24/11 at 08:39 AM

Yeah...ya know what?

I was in a relationship for nearly 8 years. We made an agreement early on that we didn't need to be sexually exclusive, but that we should be honest with each other if we did do something sexually with someone else. It worked. Spectacularly well.

Maybe I'm not mature enough to know that I wasn't actually IN a relationship. But I can tell you I am mature enough to know what 'death do us part' means. And if you do happen to initimately know what that means, that you'd realize that judging a relationship on whether it's open or not is so much F*CKing bullSH*T. Honestly...make whatever choice you need to for yourself and your relationsip. But get the rest of our lives and choices out of your F*CKing mouth.

Yep.

I'll take this one.

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We'll split an order! (PS My partner says it's okay but only if I take pictures.)

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I really like how hairy he is.

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