Do you have sympathy for the alcoholic?

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 7/31/06 at 11:35pm

What is your attitude toward someone who is alcoholic?

Do you see it as a disease or as a condition created by the choice of drinking or both?

Do you have empathy for the alcoholic (as they self-destructively harm themselves and perhaps others) or none at all?

[ilovedrsandNLB]

Posted: 7/31/06 at 11:39pm

tough choice..
i've seen it where it is a disease, but i've also seen it where it's a choice.
my aunt is a severe alcoholic...she has gone into rehab many times but always falls back into drinking. i think with her it is a choice because she always falls back into it...its so sad to see her do that to herself and to all of us, but i don't think i feel bad for her..i more just get mad at her. when she leaves rehab early, i always get mad. she'll stop drinking for a little bit but it never lasts long, and then as soon as she starts drinking again i get upset because its her choice, and shes making the wrong one.
i know there are a million situations but in my aunts, i think its a choice and i don't feel bad for her at all. call me cold hearted, but its just how i feel.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 7/31/06 at 11:40pm

I have sympathy for the alcoholic. Not sure if it's a disease or a learned behaviour, one that gets passed from generation to generation.

I also believe that alcoholics must be held accountable for their actions... I don't believe in enabling them at all.

And every time someone with a drinking problem tries to get help, they will always find my support, if it's the first or the one-hundreth time. Because there's always hope that this will be the last time.

[YouWantitWhen????]

Posted: 7/31/06 at 11:43pm

I have sympathy/empathy for the alcoholic - I have family members that are/were functioning alcoholics.

The abuse of alcohol often masks other issues, and many people who suffer from forms of depression use alcohol to self-medicate.

But, when they were drunk, they never said anything that in their hearts they were not feeling at the moment it was spoken.

Just because someone is a drunk does not mean they are also not responsible for their actions.


Updated On: 7/31/06 at 11:43 PM

[wonderwaiter]

Posted: 7/31/06 at 11:50pm

I drink. A lot. I work in an area that is dominated by the bar industry, and to be successful in this area you have to drink. Not only do you have to be able to drink, you have to be able to "hold your liquor". I have an amazing amount of respect for people who can drink. I have an even more amazing amount of respect for people who can *NOT DRINK* while doing business in a drinking environment. It takes some strong moral standing to remain the only sober person in a party environment.

[Jane2]

Posted: 7/31/06 at 11:52pm

I have sympathy for anyone suffering from compulsive habits (drinking, eating, drugs, shopping, gambling, etc) because I have my own issues and I understand how difficult it is.

That being said-I'm sorry Nom, this has nothing to do with Mel Gibson giving himself away while drunk. His true colors came out, and he blew it. There is no way getting around this. The things he said are in the police report. He himself is apologizing profusely. Too late. We know what he is.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 7/31/06 at 11:52pm

I was told by an alcoholic, YouWantitWhen????, that they had to stay on medication for depression as if they went off the medicine they would start drinking, so that connects with what you have said about the use of alcohol to self-medicate an underlying depression.

[Calvin]

Posted: 7/31/06 at 11:54pm

My sympathy ends when the disease reaches a certain level.

From what I understand, my grandfather had a severe alcohol problem, and he would abuse my mother (she doesn't talk about him much) as a result of his drinking. He died pretty young, when my mother was 12, but the damage was done. My mother ended up marrying someone just like him. Fortunately, she got divorced pretty fast and married someone a hundred times better.

But I can feel the slightest touch of sympathy in that it does have to come from somewhere. As for my grandfather, I don't know. My mother tells me that his mother was a severe authoritarian who once beat him with a shovel when he came home late for church...I'm no psychiatrist, but I can see how that might screw up a kid.

eta: As those who know me might know, I can put drinks away pretty well myself. But I never drink heavily in front of my mother, even at family gatherings when other relatives are doing it.
Updated On: 7/31/06 at 11:54 PM

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 7/31/06 at 11:54pm

Not necessarily, ww. I would be that person, but not out of any moral superiority. It would be because my body has a low tolerance for alcohol - I physically cannot drink very much.

[rosem7391]

Posted: 7/31/06 at 11:55pm

I come from a long line of alcoholics. My family is pre-proned to alcoholism. But at the same time, if I can make the choice not to drink I'm sure other family members can too, though they don't.

As far as people taking part in damaging activities like excessive drinking and smoking, I wish they could find a way to not damage others in the process...

[Liam]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:01am

I have this Topic a A+ and i think its a good discussion question...

nicly done nomdeplume

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:04am

My nextdoor neighbor, a young attractive pleasant gay guy used to come home late at like 1:30 or 2:00 AM very drunk, a bit staggering.

He is pleasant as could be, and as I was sometimes up at that hour sometimes I would have conversations with him in the hall. I don't think the guy he lived with was very happy about it as he'd been off partying on his own, and they split up but were still friendly. I recall thinking, he is so drunk he could get involved with some stranger and forget about condoms and get AIDS. And as he told me recently, he did come down with AIDS a year ago which has been devastating. I truly feel the alcohol addiction was involved in the disaster.

I feel only empathy for him. I find I can't blame him so much as the alcohol itself. I just think he was weak.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:05am

Calvin,

My dad is an alcoholic. Not totally in recovery, but he drinks a lot less now in his old age. I used to hate him, for what he did to mom, to us. He was never violent, but the mental/emotional abuse can be as damaging. Later I found out what his father had been to him... and abusive piece of sh!t who treated him and his brother like sh!t.

And it's up to oneself to break the pattern.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:06am

There would be fewer alcoholics in the world today if more people took the time to attend my talks on "The Perils Of Alcohol".

That's a fact.

[Calvin]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:09am

Yup, DD.

And every day, I'm very grateful that my mother broke that cycle for me -- both by not succumbing to the disease herself and by making the bold move of divorcing in the late 50s.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:11am

To be clear, that fact that I empathize/sympathize with the alcholic by no means means that I forgive them easily. I have yet to forgive my grandfather for what he did to my dad, and to us by default.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:15am

It is very painful to have an alcoholic in the family.

Would you say it is painful because they feel absent?

Present but absent?

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:17am

It's painful because you live in fear. At least in my experience. Fear of Friday (payday) because he'd show up drunk without a penny in his pocket. Fear of the family trip, because undoubtedly he'd get drunk, 'cause a scene, and yet still drive us back home. (how I'm alive is a mystery to me) Fear of the school function (see above).

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:18am

Alcoholism is not a disease, it's an addiction.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:21am

Yes I do, but don't forget that every addict is responsible for the damage done to the victims of his or her addiction, whether it is the often-forgotten victims--the family and friends of the addict--or the victims of drunk driving or fetal alcohol syndrome.

Nom--based on your posts in this and the Mel Gibson thread, you seem to have a tendency to coddle and enable alcoholic behavior.

The link below might prove helpful.
Is Al-Anon For You?

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:25am

DayDreamer, that sounds like the double whammy of abuser/abusive personality and alcoholic, the alcohol removing the restraints from the abusive behavior. I am sorry you had to experience that.

Not all alcoholics are abusive when drunk. Some are just there but you can't communicate with them because they are drunk. Even if raving, some of them aren't abusive.

updated - different kind of fear Updated On: 8/1/06 at 12:25 AM

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:27am

My dad was never physically abusive. Just incredibly irresponsible. If anything, my dad would fall asleep when drunk.

And just for the record, my dad barely drinks anymore. He and my mom are extremely happy now in their old age.

[YouWantitWhen????]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:33am

My dad drank himself out of a career, and it probably cost him at least 10 years of his life.

The choices people make . . .

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:33am

I know about Al-Anon, PalJoey, and thank you, because I know your concern is sincere.

I do not live with any alcoholic nor do any of my friends happen to be alcoholic whom I pal around with, so it is not for me.

From Christianity and Buddhism we learn compassion, and if you are humanist you have compassion and care for human beings.

And really, Paljoey, you have considered me such a hard person lately it is kind of bemusing that you think me soft on alcoholism. It is an incorrect assumption.

[soapguy17]

Posted: 8/1/06 at 12:33am

That's a tough choice for me also. I often joke around with my friends about how mean I am to drunk people. But, like Jane2, I've also understand the problem that come with addiction I just have never understood why someone would START drinking. I'm underaged and my opinion may change ,but I've never really seen any need too.