Finally, A Responsible Parent! — Page 2

wink, you and your husband are heroes!! BGG read this thread and said, "I don't want to know what you would do to me mom!"

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Wink, I have to agree with Jess1483. Would you rather get a call from your son asking to stay over or from the hospital since he knew he would get in trouble if he did call you?

when I was in my teens, I always let my mom know if i knew there would be alcohol at the party. and she would say "give us a call, and we will pick you up. don't do drugs and don't put your drink down." and she's an ICU nurse. she knew that she wouldn't be able to stop me from having a drink, but she could help me not get in an accident. Never had a problem with alcohol. I'm 20 now and not planning a huge beer bash when i turn 21.

wink, not saying that what you did was totally wrong, just from a young adult's point of view, it might have been a little too much.

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It's awful...I saw a picture of her in a magazine when I was 16, and I've been SO cautious about drinking ever since. It's done more good than my parents' wise words!

She also appeared on Oprah a few years ago, and the mother of the guy who hit her was in attendance. She was crying and begging forgiveness and Jacqueline just comforted her. It was quite admirable on her part.

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Parenting involves making difficult decisions. We don't know the rules that wink had in place, and how many times they had been broken... Perhaps the arrest was what had been promised if it happened again. I'm sure it wasn't an easy thing to do.

While I certainly agree that it's important to teach young people to call if they are unable to drive - due to drinking, drugs or any other reason, including sheer exhaustion - and that they will get a ride home, it doesn't have to be completely repercussion-free. Actions have consequences. Lessons must be taught.

Tragedies CAN be avoided.

I have followd Jacqueline's story and I can truly say that her strength is awe-inspiring. In this day and age of "celebrity" glorification and obsession, I prefer to spend my energy thinking about women like Jacqueline.

Don't drive under the influence. And do whatever you have to do to stop people who do.

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Updated On: 1/10/08 at 12:34 AM

Actually, my son has always been a good kid. But we had always told him if he ever decided to sneak out and drink, he'd have to pay these particular consequences in addition to the consequences at home.

I think about the fact that he may be afraid to call me if he drinks again and needs a ride home but it's a chance I'm taking. I don't think I would have him arrested again, but just because he calls me doesn't me he won't have hell to pay when he gets home. I pick my nieces up on occasion when they do this and they don't seem to recognize that it's illegal to drink when you're a minor whether you drive or not. It's a lesson they're not learning. Other parents who had kids at that party thought we was too harsh also, but we're glad we made this decision. If he isn't drunk when he calls, he won't get in trouble with us. He enjoys the privileges of private education, cell phone, video games, four wheelers, etc. but we won't indulge him in this.

We chose this stance because we want to keep him alive. Even though I cried and was physically sick for three days after this happened because of what tragedy might have occured and because I hated to see him so shamed, I knew this would keep him from doing it again. And so far it has. I can't even describe how hard it was for me.

The other consideration is that his fifteen and sixteen year old friends know without a doubt there is no drinking on our property. We have a little farm where there are plenty of places to hide and party. I'm confident his friends and acquantainces won't be sneaking into our barn or cornfields without thinking twice.

Alpha, do call your mom after you drink and before you decide to drive. Arrest is certainly better than the morgue or the disability and disfigurement you see in the poster.

Dre, you're right that I can't stop him from having a drink. But until he's mature enough, I'm sure going to try.

It used to be parents were able to handle their children without resorting to shaming them in a newspaper or calling the police. I can understand and agree with taking away the car, but putting it in the newspaper??? Driving while intoxicated is a horrible thing that should be prevented, but taking the above actions does not prevent further wrong doing. It just means the child or young adult won't go to their parents for help and may make the wrong decision for fear of the parents finding out. I'm all for tough love, but taking the child to an autopsy for instance would accomplish the same thing without breaking that trust. A young man was rushed into the ER a few months ago. He had driven home drunk and he had crashed into a pole. He has serious, but not life threatening injuries. The mother was shocked because the parents had had him arrested and put in a holding cell for eight hours. They were convinced it wouldn't happen again. He got drunk again and did not call them for fear of going to jail so he tried to drive home without getting caught. I had to find the appropriate treatment centre for him as the parents would not allow him back in the home until he completed a program.

This is the most self righteous thread ever. Yes, drinking and driving is wrong. Everyone knows that. If parents taught their kids how to be responsible instead of trying to scare or shame them, kids probably wouldn't drive drunk.

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Keep in mind that parents' own experiences are going to color their reactions.

From what I know, my mother's father was a pretty nasty alcoholic, so she rarely drinks anything herself except for the extremely rare glass of wine with dinner. I've always made it a point to never drink too much in her presence, because it's really distressing for her to see anyone in the family drunk.

That's not the part I was calling self righteous. I was calling the posters reacting self righteous. It all seemed a bit much.

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hmmm... well wink, i'm not sure who "alpha" is but i'm assuming that was directed at me. i don't drink. and even though my brother drinks, my parents chose not to do something that will follow him around for the rest of his life for making a responsible decision and calling home.
i hope your son never choses to run for office or wants to follow in dear old dad's footsteps and be a rescue worker when he's older, because that little arrest to "teach him a lesson" will prevent those things from happening. all beacuse he decided to stay at a friend's house instead of putting his, and other people's lives, in danger. bravo!

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Updated On: 1/10/08 at 04:37 PM

On wink's defense (though she doesn't need one, because she sounds like a GREAT parent) her son didn't ask for his parents to COME AND PICK HIM UP ! He asked if he could STAY at his friend's ! Since they had something to drink, means that there was not supervision where he was ! So, those of you who think she was harsh, would prefer it, if two drunk teenagers were left alone, to continue what they were were doing, with God knows what result, instead of taking action ?????
wink, I'll say it agin ! I think you are a WONDERFUL parent and taking hard action, knowing the emotional pain it will cost you and your family, shows, that your love for your child knows no limits !!