Finally, A Responsible Parent!- Page 2

[wink]

Posted: 1/9/08 at 8:10pm

I'm even more draconian than that. When my teenager was visiting a friend one weekend he called me from his cell to ask if he could stay over instead of coming home at midnight. I recognized the tell-tale slur of alcohol in his voice.

I had him arrested.

I had always threatned to do this so it's not as though he had no warning. I'm an ER nurse and my husband is a volunteer firemen so he had been hearing our horror stories of irresponsible drinking for years. The night he was arrested he was particularly humuliated because one of the arresting officers was a cousin he admired.

I always knew this day would come. My son is a great kid, but anyone who thinks this won't happen with his or her child is not being realistic.

That was a year ago. He hasn't had a drink since or missed his curfew. He still makes good grades and plays varsity sports.

By enforcing these rules, I'm trying to save his life. I don't regret it for one minute. I'm a permissive parent in a lot of ways, but not when it comes to safety.

NYAdgal, some of us nurses and paramedics at ENCARE are going to use this picture pre-prom.

[mominator]

Posted: 1/9/08 at 8:14pm

wink, you and your husband are heroes!! BGG read this thread and said, "I don't want to know what you would do to me mom!"

[Jess1483]

Posted: 1/9/08 at 8:25pm

Wink--just a question: Wouldn't you rather have your child make a call to you to ask if they can stay over than try to get home drunk (either driving themselves or with someone else who may or may not be drunk?) Not saying your actions were wrong, but I feel like there might be a temptation there on the child's part to then not call mom the next time? (And you know your kid best, so maybe there's a reason it wasn't something you were concerned about...)

And go mom to the first post. I'm really impressed. As a teacher, I don't expect parents to take me seriously all the time, but I really appreciate when a parent is at least willing to listen to all my "evidence" before they decide I must be wrong and that there is no way their child could do that.

[Dre2387]

Posted: 1/9/08 at 11:40pm

Wink, I have to agree with Jess1483. Would you rather get a call from your son asking to stay over or from the hospital since he knew he would get in trouble if he did call you?

when I was in my teens, I always let my mom know if i knew there would be alcohol at the party. and she would say "give us a call, and we will pick you up. don't do drugs and don't put your drink down." and she's an ICU nurse. she knew that she wouldn't be able to stop me from having a drink, but she could help me not get in an accident. Never had a problem with alcohol. I'm 20 now and not planning a huge beer bash when i turn 21.

wink, not saying that what you did was totally wrong, just from a young adult's point of view, it might have been a little too much.

[DG]

Posted: 1/9/08 at 11:48pm

OMG. That poster. I couldn't breathe for awhile.

[justagirl2]

Posted: 1/9/08 at 11:49pm

It's awful...I saw a picture of her in a magazine when I was 16, and I've been SO cautious about drinking ever since. It's done more good than my parents' wise words!

[DG]

Posted: 1/9/08 at 11:52pm

I can't imagine her courage just to keep on fighting - and then to allow them to use her picture to try and do some good.

These are the people that deserve acknowledgement. It's quite humbling.

[StageManager2]

Posted: 1/9/08 at 11:55pm

She also appeared on Oprah a few years ago, and the mother of the guy who hit her was in attendance. She was crying and begging forgiveness and Jacqueline just comforted her. It was quite admirable on her part.

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 1/9/08 at 11:56pm

i love the ad that mom posted.

but wink, i think that was more than a little harsh.
i have to agree with the posters who are saying it's better that he recognized that he should not be driving and called top ask if he could stay over.
yeah, he drank, but the majority of teens drink.
if i was drinking, and my mom had my arrested for doing the responsible thing and not driving home drunk, i just wouldn't call her next time.
my brother has called home before to let my parents know he was staying overnight somewhere instead of risking hurting homself or someone else by driving home.
and for the record, my dad is also a volunteer firefighter and emt, and my mom has worked in hospitals since before i was born. they've both seen what happens when people drink and drive, which is why they wouldn't get mad at someone for NOT driving drunk.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 12:34am

Parenting involves making difficult decisions. We don't know the rules that wink had in place, and how many times they had been broken... Perhaps the arrest was what had been promised if it happened again. I'm sure it wasn't an easy thing to do.

While I certainly agree that it's important to teach young people to call if they are unable to drive - due to drinking, drugs or any other reason, including sheer exhaustion - and that they will get a ride home, it doesn't have to be completely repercussion-free. Actions have consequences. Lessons must be taught.

Tragedies CAN be avoided.

I have followd Jacqueline's story and I can truly say that her strength is awe-inspiring. In this day and age of "celebrity" glorification and obsession, I prefer to spend my energy thinking about women like Jacqueline.

Don't drive under the influence. And do whatever you have to do to stop people who do.

Updated On: 1/10/08 at 12:34 AM

[DG]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 12:39am

Amen, Addy - to everything.

[wink]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 1:40am

Actually, my son has always been a good kid. But we had always told him if he ever decided to sneak out and drink, he'd have to pay these particular consequences in addition to the consequences at home.

I think about the fact that he may be afraid to call me if he drinks again and needs a ride home but it's a chance I'm taking. I don't think I would have him arrested again, but just because he calls me doesn't me he won't have hell to pay when he gets home. I pick my nieces up on occasion when they do this and they don't seem to recognize that it's illegal to drink when you're a minor whether you drive or not. It's a lesson they're not learning. Other parents who had kids at that party thought we was too harsh also, but we're glad we made this decision. If he isn't drunk when he calls, he won't get in trouble with us. He enjoys the privileges of private education, cell phone, video games, four wheelers, etc. but we won't indulge him in this.

We chose this stance because we want to keep him alive. Even though I cried and was physically sick for three days after this happened because of what tragedy might have occured and because I hated to see him so shamed, I knew this would keep him from doing it again. And so far it has. I can't even describe how hard it was for me.

The other consideration is that his fifteen and sixteen year old friends know without a doubt there is no drinking on our property. We have a little farm where there are plenty of places to hide and party. I'm confident his friends and acquantainces won't be sneaking into our barn or cornfields without thinking twice.

Alpha, do call your mom after you drink and before you decide to drive. Arrest is certainly better than the morgue or the disability and disfigurement you see in the poster.

Dre, you're right that I can't stop him from having a drink. But until he's mature enough, I'm sure going to try.

[vbplayer]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 2:03am

If I were parent, I would rather visit my child at a lock-up (as wink did) instead of a cemetery. And the 20 year old in the poster breaks my heart and she is heroic for trying to save lives. A very important thread.....that should be seen by everyone at BWW....and taken to heart.

Bravo to Jane Hambleton who sold her sons car to save his life and mostly for creating awareness.

[cmleidi]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 2:05am

It used to be parents were able to handle their children without resorting to shaming them in a newspaper or calling the police. I can understand and agree with taking away the car, but putting it in the newspaper??? Driving while intoxicated is a horrible thing that should be prevented, but taking the above actions does not prevent further wrong doing. It just means the child or young adult won't go to their parents for help and may make the wrong decision for fear of the parents finding out. I'm all for tough love, but taking the child to an autopsy for instance would accomplish the same thing without breaking that trust. A young man was rushed into the ER a few months ago. He had driven home drunk and he had crashed into a pole. He has serious, but not life threatening injuries. The mother was shocked because the parents had had him arrested and put in a holding cell for eight hours. They were convinced it wouldn't happen again. He got drunk again and did not call them for fear of going to jail so he tried to drive home without getting caught. I had to find the appropriate treatment centre for him as the parents would not allow him back in the home until he completed a program.

[vbplayer]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 2:24am

"It used to be parents were able to handle their children without resorting to shaming them in a newspaper or calling the police."

Times have changed haven't they.

Parents are more creative these days and good for them. I am hoping that she also made a deal with her son that he should continue to call them if he ever was drunk (or is in the situation to do so) and needed a way home safely.

[Roninjoey]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 2:46am

This is the most self righteous thread ever. Yes, drinking and driving is wrong. Everyone knows that. If parents taught their kids how to be responsible instead of trying to scare or shame them, kids probably wouldn't drive drunk.

[caitiesus1522]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 3:37pm

I think that mom (and you wink) are awesome. Finally parents that enforce the rules!

And most kids will at some point be stupid about alcohol and it is nice to see parents enforce the rules that they established

[Calvin]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 3:45pm

Keep in mind that parents' own experiences are going to color their reactions.

From what I know, my mother's father was a pretty nasty alcoholic, so she rarely drinks anything herself except for the extremely rare glass of wine with dinner. I've always made it a point to never drink too much in her presence, because it's really distressing for her to see anyone in the family drunk.

[Jane2]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 3:52pm

" This is the most self righteous thread ever. Yes, drinking and driving is wrong. Everyone knows that. If parents taught their kids how to be responsible instead of trying to scare or shame them, kids probably wouldn't drive drunk."

My reply to this is that no matter how hard parents try to teach their children right from wrong, they're still very lucky indeed if their kids follow the "straight and narrow" and come out as unscathed adults. Why do I say this? Because peer pressure is very strong. With teenagers, their friends are much more influential than parents. And I say this about the "best" kids. Peer pressure is hard to ignore.

I don't see it as self righteous when a parent cares so much for her child.

[Roninjoey]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 3:55pm

That's not the part I was calling self righteous. I was calling the posters reacting self righteous. It all seemed a bit much.

[Jane2]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 3:58pm

OH-I guess I still don't see how the posters are self righteous. I guess when it comes to tough love, I don't see where self righteousness factors in. What's the alternative to caring so much about your kids, and applauding those who do?

Thanks for clarifying though!

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 4:37pm

hmmm... well wink, i'm not sure who "alpha" is but i'm assuming that was directed at me. i don't drink. and even though my brother drinks, my parents chose not to do something that will follow him around for the rest of his life for making a responsible decision and calling home.
i hope your son never choses to run for office or wants to follow in dear old dad's footsteps and be a rescue worker when he's older, because that little arrest to "teach him a lesson" will prevent those things from happening. all beacuse he decided to stay at a friend's house instead of putting his, and other people's lives, in danger. bravo!

Updated On: 1/10/08 at 04:37 PM

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 4:44pm

Wink, I applaud you!

[Greekmusicalfan]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 8:57pm

On wink's defense (though she doesn't need one, because she sounds like a GREAT parent) her son didn't ask for his parents to COME AND PICK HIM UP ! He asked if he could STAY at his friend's ! Since they had something to drink, means that there was not supervision where he was ! So, those of you who think she was harsh, would prefer it, if two drunk teenagers were left alone, to continue what they were were doing, with God knows what result, instead of taking action ?????
wink, I'll say it agin ! I think you are a WONDERFUL parent and taking hard action, knowing the emotional pain it will cost you and your family, shows, that your love for your child knows no limits !!

[Greekmusicalfan]

Posted: 1/10/08 at 9:00pm

Oh and Addy, that poster is more effective than all the camapigns and lectures put together ! I don't think anyone who's seen it, can ever get it out of his mind ! I am copying it and sending it to everyone I know !