Helpful Hints for Driving in New Jersey

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 8:01am

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident New Jersey Driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

4. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it, and it will result in your being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork,especially with PA, NY or Del plates. With no insurance, the other Operator probably has nothing to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in New Jersey during rush hour.

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a New York driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. New Jersey is the home of high-speed slalom-driving thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.

12. It is tradition in New Jersey to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is Important to exit your vehicle thru the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

14. Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

15. In New Jersey, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned.

Thank You,
NJDMV

[mominator]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 8:06am

I think this may have to be forwarded on to a friend! (or several)

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 8:07am

Oh so true! Did I mention that Boobs is the best driver that I have ever ridden with?

[mominator]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 8:09am

I just close my eyes when we are in Jersey, helps keeep the BP down. (Not that I need it to be any lower)

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 8:15am

Boobs reputation as an NJ driver is so far reaching that deer jump out in front of him to introduce themselves.

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 8:28am

SOMMSY...I will never live that one down..will I? You forgot to mention that's how I meet really HOT cops.

[mominator]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 8:32am

OK you two cut that out! BB did you really hit Bambi?

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 8:41am

Yes mom, that was the hot cop's name Bambi. Boobs hit him HARD!

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 8:46am

Just to clarify Mom....Bambi hit me.

[smiles]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 9:05am

hehehe that was so funny! man I don't think I would be able to drive in New Jersey or New York.
I visited NY and one of the tour guides said "If you can drive in New York You can drive Everywhere!" Updated On: 5/3/06 at 09:05 AM

[#1Elphie]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 10:16am

This is so true! I'm a NJ driver and am proud to have survived this long!

[wickedrentq]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 10:40am

Goddamn Jersey drivers...

Learn to drive on cones...

[Jane2]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 10:45am

Boobs, that's so funny! Eons ago when I drove cross country, I noticed that as soon as I got out of Jersey, the driving became much simpler and smoother. People I met told me that NJ was the state with the worst roads and drivers. I hadn't known that! And all this time I thought NY had the worst drivers. We're forced here to drive defensively!

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 10:50am

Whenever I'm driving in another state and a car goes flying past me or does a strange manuever I predict that the license plate will say NJ. I'm seldom, if ever wrong.
Updated On: 5/3/06 at 10:50 AM

[Jane2]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 10:58am

And when I'm in NJ in the summer, my ant and uncle shout out NY driver! every time someone pisses them off on the road.

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 11:00am

Janey...your ant? Hee Hee

[Jane2]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 11:13am

Oopsy daisy! did I write ant? I meant awnt!

[Calvin]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 11:15am

P...e...n...n...s...y...l...v...a...n...i...a
d...r...i...v...e...r...s
a...r...e
t...h...e
o...n...e...s
w...h...o
g...i...v...e
m...e
f...i...t...s

signed,
a former New Jersey driver

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 11:19am

My...pleasure...Calvin

signed,
a multi-taking Pennsylvania driver

[Garland Grrrl]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 11:19am

oh god -- i dread driving in jersey -- not so much because of the drivers but the poor signage. apparently the signs in jersey are made for people who already know where they're going. i've driven all over this great land of ours and i have never seen such poor road signs ANYWHERE.

[Jane2]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 11:21am

GG-that's exactly what the two complaints were about driving in Jersey. They supposedly have the poorest road conditions and the most inferior signage.

[Calvin]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 11:24am

The signage is horrible. You'd see a sign saying "Garden State Parkway" with an arrow to the right. Twenty minutes later, you're driving down some deserted country road, not knowing you missed the unmarked turn to get on the feeder.

Or there will be a sign that says -- Atlantic City Expressway, 4th right. And you try to count the turns only to miss because they considered the driveway of a Wawa a "right."
Updated On: 5/3/06 at 11:24 AM

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 11:35am

It's sad/hilarious how many of these apply to DC drivers as well.

My sister drove through NJ after having her permit for only a month. My mom thought we were insane, but my dad figured you couldn't find a better place to learn.

[Jane2]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 11:41am

Lol, you're so right, Calvin. If you don't hear from word of mouth how to get around, you're lost in NJ!

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 5/3/06 at 11:47am

that's why NJ has roundabouts! you figure the signs out on the 15th trip around.