Even if your parents have a clue, you have to tread lightly. My mother 'outed' me, and she still had a very hard time dealing with it. I can't understand how they could NOT know, but it was still a shock.
One thing that I'd done before the 'outing' was: I never lied to my parents, per se. They knew all my friends, I always brought them home. My bf came to my house on a regular basis. He even spent the night (little did they know... he he he). So when mom asked me, and I said yes, I also told her that she knew all my friends, and their families, and knew they were all good people. (one of her biggest concerns was the type of people I'd be hanging out with) It took her about 3 years, but she's wonderful now. And my dad has always been cool about it.
Celebrate Life
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
- Randy Pausch
It was a joke referring to the sociological stereotype that all those who love musical theatre (and in the same step as that, post on musical theatre boards) are homosexual. It wasn't at all serious and I realized while writing that I was being hypocritical. It was for the mere sake of jest that I typed what I did.
BSoBW2: I punched Sondheim in the face after I saw Wicked and said, "Why couldn't you write like that!?"
I found out years later, that my "coming out letter" had quite different results for my parents. Apparently my father totally accepted me, and never gave it a second thought. My mother, however was apparently very ticked-off, although she never showed it to me. She was so angry my Dad told her to either accept it, or disinherit me. Fortunately she accepted it, but it was a long road. I rememeber when they came to visit me in my ex in Chicago.....she would sit in the living room, knit, her glasses resing on the bottom of her nose and ber staring at my ex like he was possessed.....(which he was). She hated him....... Now however, she adores my current partner, and treats him like if she was her own son........
It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story...
AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956
I found out years later, that my "coming out letter" had quite different results for my parents. Apparently my father totally accepted me, and never gave it a second thought. My mother, however was apparently very ticked-off, although she never showed it to me. She was so angry my Dad told her to either accept it, or disinherit me. Fortunately she accepted it, but it was a long road. I rememeber when they came to visit me in my ex in Chicago.....she would sit in the living room, knit, her glasses resing on the bottom of her nose and ber staring at my ex like he was possessed.....(which he was). She hated him....... Now however, she adores my current partner, and treats him like if she was her own son........
My brother ignores the whole thing. He has never asked anything, pretends I am straight........total denial
It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story...
AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956
morebroadway, you've received some good advice. i would just add that before you tell your parents to have a strong circle of friends/other family members that you've told that can provide you with comfort if you're parents are not immediately accepting. also, if there a fear you will be thrown out of the house or your college tuition stopped (if those cases even apply) now may not be the right time to tell your folks. each situation is very individual. if you feel safe and ready by all means do it but do think about the book "outing yourself" as a resource.
Well I'm a straight girl but almost got outed at work anyway! HA HA
This is a bit off topic but I have to share a funny story that happened to me at work the other day. I work casting for a reality dating show - we do straight dates, gay dates, bi-dates... so all day we're pretty much asking people what they prefer (gender, looks, personality). My point is, it's become SO not a big deal to flat out ask someone if they're gay within the work environment. Well I was telling the casting director that I went to this singles mingle thing at my temple 2 Fridays ago and she asked me how it was. I told her it was OK and that I really went cause this band I saw a week earlier was going to be entertaining afterwards and I really liked the backup singer. Out of nowhere she hesitantly asks me if I'm gay. Ummm, no, I'm a straight girl, I just appreciate good singing. Maybe it's more of a "had to be there" story but I thought it was humorous how this job has totally screwed with her head.
Yes, I have gotten very good advice. Thank you all VERY much!
I think I'm going to finish college, keep my boyfriend a secret to them until I finish, then come out. Hopefully they won't take it the wrong way. Thank you all very much!
"Mom, Dad, I have something important to say, but I'd appreciate it if you would not interupt me as I'm speaking. I'm...gay."
There was absolute silence, blah blah blah, and my favorite one, the "we love you no matter what" which is the biggest lie I've ever heard in my life. To me, that was an insult because all I want is to be treated like "ok, whatever, you're gay, it doesn't make any difference," but instead, people seem to make a big deal out of it and the quote "we love you no matter what" angers me because it's like saying "if you go out and take a life, we'll still love you," and it's lumping homosexuality in with that, when it's nothing of the kind.
It's good to come out so you're truthful about your life, but I think people automatically assume they have to come out. You have to be ready, and you have to know that you're coming out as a form of respect to include these people in your life and tell them the truth about who you are.
Also, if they're uneasy about the idea, refer them to pflag (parents and friends of lesbians and gays). www.pflag.org
If they don't understand it, you have to let them know that you're the same person that you've always been, gay or straight, you're the same person.
Good luck, and I hope your parents and family take it well. Mine didn't take it well at all, but it only made me a stronger person. For a while, I wished I never would have come out, and then I realized, at least I'm being truthful with my life and I have other people who love me and will accept me for who I am and not have to make excuses to come to terms with my lesbian nature. My parents seem to think since I'm not the stereo typical butch lesbian, I can't be a lesbian because I'm extremely feminine. They also felt I was lashing out at them, but you have to know, this is for your own good, no matter what they think.
This may be a serious question, but after you posted a self-pic which obviously was not of you (because it was definitely not of a 20 year old, considering that this picture was part of a naked spread in a gay magazine over two years ago), and then insisted that yes, it was you, I would like a bit more honesty before I or anyone else should respond to this question. Steven Stanley (and that's me in my avatar, taken last night)
This may be a serious question, but after you posted a self-pic which obviously was not of you (because it was definitely not of a 20 year old, considering that this picture was part of a naked spread in a gay magazine over two years ago), and then insisted that yes, it was you, I would like a bit more honesty before I or anyone else should respond to this question. Steven Stanley (and that's me in my avatar, taken last night)
This may be a serious question, but after you posted a self-pic which obviously was not of you (because it was definitely not of a 20 year old, considering that this picture was part of a naked spread in a gay magazine over two years ago), and then insisted that yes, it was you, I would like a bit more honesty before I or anyone else should respond to this question.
I think that's unfair. No one is under any obligation to tell the truth and post real pictures of themselves -- indeed, posting self-photos is actually quite unwise on the Internet. Morebroadwayplease asked a valid and important question, and the responses here may help many other people who come out or understand how difficult it can still be.
BlueWizard's blog: The Rambling Corner
HEDWIG: "The road is my home. In reflecting upon the people whom I have come upon in my travels, I cannot help but think of the people who have come upon me."
Of course he's under no obligation to post his picture, but HE HIMSELF made the decision to respond to the thread Is That You in Your Avatar with a professional swimwear shot of a model who'd posed naked, then claimed that he was a model, and went on to lie about the picture's authenticity. By the way, everyone else was posting legit self-pix on that thread, or not posting at all, as was their right. Maybe it was just a childish act, but I find it takes away from his credibility on this board. (BlueWizard, you yourself have posted your pictures on this board, not professional shots of someone else and claimed that they were yours.)
I understand. Still, this thread's a good one, and I want to hear more people's coming-out stories and advice!
*sigh* If only I looked like a professional swimwear model.
BlueWizard's blog: The Rambling Corner
HEDWIG: "The road is my home. In reflecting upon the people whom I have come upon in my travels, I cannot help but think of the people who have come upon me."
....you need to be honest..........to yourself and your family. You also need to accept the outcome no matter what it is. You can expect the worst......or expect the best. No matter what you do, it has to be what you want and noone else. You can joke about it as much as you want, but it is a major character building step in your life. Tread carefully. Don't be hasty in your decision to tell them. Find someone you trust and start there. I wish you the best of luck.
Ed
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
-- Author Unknown
Wow, you guys are all really great. I just want to thread jack for a minute and point out that this is why I love these boards. Sometimes they provide me with interesting discussions, heated debates, or a good laugh... but every now and again something really important and serious and meaningful shows up. I'm dealing with the same dilemma as morebroadway and being able to hear this kind of advice from all of you is so helpful and inspiring. I just want to say thank you to all the kind and sensitive people on the board who are taking the time to post their own advice and stories. You are probably helping so many more than you know, many who are likely reading this but are too shy (I have no dignity anyways) to post on this thread. So I say keep this thread going because it means a lot to many, I'm sure.
Love you all and thanks again.
~Jason
"I seem to have wandered into the BRAIN load-out thread... "
-best12bars
"Sorry I am a Theatre major not a English Major"
-skibumb5290
I'm not coming out to either of my parents for a long time. A few of my closest friends have advised me to just keep it to myself for as long as I feel and do as I gentlemanly please (no pun intended). Best advice would be to be honest, brave, and simple.
I wish I could come out to my parents now, but I think I need to experience life more and grow until I share it with them. I mean, my mom is always caught up in the fear of what others will think of me, and my dad thinks he's Kentucky's answer to Pat Robertson. You could be his best friend in the whole world and them come out to him, and he'll either change his opinion of you all together or blame someone for it and take his rage out on them.
But anyway, I admire you all who can come out early on, but for me, it's not happening right now.
I don't WANT to live in what they call "a certain way." In the first place I'd be no good at it and besides that I don't want to be identified with any one class of people. I want to live every whichway, among all kinds---and know them---and understand them---and love them---THAT's what I want! - Philip Barry (Holiday)
This may be a serious question, but after you posted a self-pic which obviously was not of you (because it was definitely not of a 20 year old, considering that this picture was part of a naked spread in a gay magazine over two years ago), and then insisted that yes, it was you, I would like a bit more honesty before I or anyone else should respond to this question. Steven Stanley (and that's me in my avatar, taken last night)
Duh, that was a joke. Did you think that anyone would believe me about that? I was joking! I wouldn't ever put a pic of me on the internet. I am 20 though. _________ By the way, I love your avatar cturtle! It's hot!
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