#51
Posted: 6/19/05 at 12:40pm
I'm not coming out to either of my parents for a long time. A few of my closest friends have advised me to just keep it to myself for as long as I feel and do as I gentlemanly please (no pun intended). Best advice would be to be honest, brave, and simple.
Yes, that's an option most people seem to forget. You don't NEED to come out to your parents if you feel that it'll just make the situation worse. Coming out is unique for everyone, and we all come from different backgrounds, lifestyles and families; it's easier for some than others. If you're uncomfortable or not ready to share your sexuality with your parents yet, don't feel obligated to do it.
One thing that is rarely discussed but is a pertinent issue is one's background, ethnicity, or culture. I've come out to everyone I know (including siblings), except my parents, simply because they're uber-traditional Chinese parents (we're talking immigrants from rural farming China here, folks). They're already queasy about my sister dating a white man; as their only son, the sky would fall if they knew I was gay. I can handle being disowned, but the news would kill my father and I'm sure my mother, who's already teetering on the edge of sanity
, would surely go crazy. I've heard of other young, gay Chinese men who came out to their parents and the outcome was catastrophic; I'm not prepared for that, so I don't tell them.
Yes, that's an option most people seem to forget. You don't NEED to come out to your parents if you feel that it'll just make the situation worse. Coming out is unique for everyone, and we all come from different backgrounds, lifestyles and families; it's easier for some than others. If you're uncomfortable or not ready to share your sexuality with your parents yet, don't feel obligated to do it.
One thing that is rarely discussed but is a pertinent issue is one's background, ethnicity, or culture. I've come out to everyone I know (including siblings), except my parents, simply because they're uber-traditional Chinese parents (we're talking immigrants from rural farming China here, folks). They're already queasy about my sister dating a white man; as their only son, the sky would fall if they knew I was gay. I can handle being disowned, but the news would kill my father and I'm sure my mother, who's already teetering on the edge of sanity
, would surely go crazy. I've heard of other young, gay Chinese men who came out to their parents and the outcome was catastrophic; I'm not prepared for that, so I don't tell them.
BlueWizard's blog: The Rambling Corner
HEDWIG: "The road is my home. In reflecting upon the people whom I have come upon in my travels, I cannot help but think of the people who have come upon me."
But I will agree with not telling your parents until both you AND they are ready to handle it. My best friend is gay and grew up in the same kind of environment that I did - very conservative, especially about sex. He tried to tell his mom he was gay, but she was having such a hard time wrapping her mind around it that he finally just dropped it. She still thinks that he and I are going to marry and have lots of babies someday, and to this we just say, "whatever." He figures that when she's more ready to accept the whole concept of him having a boyfriend, he'll bring it up again. Gay or straight, we all have things that we don't feel any need to tell our parents about. If you want to tell your parents, I think that's great; but if not, don't feel like you "have to." From one 20-year-old to another; follow your heart, and good luck!
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