How do you cope when your loved one leaves on a contract?

[Di2]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 9:45am

My boyfriend just left for his 6 month contract with Disney.

I will miss him so.

Anyone else have a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/loved one leave for tour, etc.?

How did you cope?

When I was on tour, I always had my boyfriend with me so this is the first time I have had to deal with a long time apart from my sweetheart.

Sadness...


Di
Updated On: 8/16/05 at 09:45 AM

[CostumeMistress]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 10:24am

This is OFF. TOPIC.

[iluvtheatertrash]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 10:25am

CostumeMistress, take a chill pill. No - correction. Take ten chill pills.

[Di2]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 11:29am

How is it off topic, Costume Mistress??

We are in theatre and it's a theatre question for theatre couples on a theatre board.



Don't respond if you don't have any thing nice to say.

Here I am, so sad and I get a response like that from someone like you.

Wow..thanks.

[MisterRussell]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 11:34am

Di2...here's how you cope:

GROW THE HELL UP.

CostumeMistress's observation that your post is off-topic (And BTW she's totally correct, no matter how you rationalize it.) is far less "mean" to you than the responses you open yourself up to by posting something so emotionally revealing.

If your relationship is a mature one, then a seperation should prove to be no problem. If you are so insecure as to be DEVASATATED by this time apart, then maybe it wasnt all that strong to begin with. Either way, I would advise you in the future not to expose yourself to feedback you may not like if you are emotionally unpreparedto handle it.

CostumeMistress deserves an apology for your "a response like that from someone like you" remark. If you haven't met her, you are woefully ill-equipped to make a value judgement about her. Her comment was valid and timely.


Updated On: 8/15/05 at 11:34 AM

[Act0r721]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 11:52am

Eesh, I probably shouldn't join this, but what the hell.

Her response may have been true, but that doesn't mean it wasn't rude. There's no excuse for that.

Di2, I'm sorry. Visit each other if you can, make lots of phone calls. You'll be fine.

[Di2]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 11:54am

wowee..

I am shocked.I thought this theatre board was one of community where we we could all discuss theatre related things other than obsessions with Wicked.

I certainly don't deserve to be attacked like that and I thought there were others out there that had been in a similar situation that would want to chat about it.

Jesus, sorry.

[ljay889]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 11:57am

No offense to you. But I think people are seeing this thread as way to brag about touring in shows.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 11:57am

It's only six months; it'll go by fast!

[Dre2387]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 12:00pm

MrRussell and costumemistress are just being idiots. Talk about what you want. If they don't care, why are they talking and wasting time telling you to get over it? (they are jealous. and they'll deny it)

Di2, just live day by day. Call him when you are really down, text, email him, write to him. But don't do it everyday. It might suffocate him. And when his close by with the tour, visit him. Surprise him.

Good luck with that!

[Di2]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 12:00pm

Thank you , Actor 721...I appreciate it. Has your partner ever gone on tour while you stayed home?

And I don't feel this is not off topic....again I am a performer (equity, I worked my butt off for it, thank you) and I have an actor boyfriend who left for an acting gig and I wanted to talk to other actors on an actors board.

If I was talking about the best place for an oil change in Iowa, then that is Off Topic.

I really hoped you all would be warm and welcoming.

Why so mean?

[hushpuppy]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 12:01pm

Wow. I cannot believe the vitriol this morning. Is the heat getting to you all? I am not 'in the theatre', just an avid theatergoer, but I have a job that puts me on the road about 175 nights a year. My partner is an architect and he travels a fair amount too. Here are some suggestions:
-Talk on the phone EVERY NIGHT. Don't rely on email. You need to hear each other's voices. It doesn't have to be a long call. Buy a phone card if you have to and, if your schedules are hectic, make an appointment to talk at a particular time.
-Send him a card. If he's touring, figure out the next stop and have a card waiting for him at the theatre. It'll make his day. If you can afford it, send a dozen roses once in awhile.
-Resist the urge to do the jealous thing. Don't accuse him of sleeping with every girl (or boy) in the chorus, or going out to bars on the prowl. That won't make him miss you and it may just have the opposite effect. If he's mature, he'll stay true to you.
-Make plans to get together. Don't just assume it will happen. Check out his schedule and arrange to fly out to meet him on his day off (and stay to see the show one night, too). I know plane tickets are expensive but check the airlines for last minute e-fares or try priceline.com. Got a birthday coming up? Ask your parents for a plane ticket as a birthday present. Plan it together, don't just show up and surprise him (not that you might find him in bed with someone, it's just that he may have made plans with other cast members for their day off, or his Aunt Mildred may be in town that week) And, if he's sharing accommodations with other cast members, try to book a nice hotel room for just the two of you. Order room service and have breakfast in bed. Drizzle maple syrup on his chest and lick it off (be careful, he may be late for the matinee )
-Don't assume he is having a wild and crazy time. Life on the road gets pretty dull. Unless you are in Miami, San Francisco, or LA, every town starts to look the same. He's sick of bad food in late-night diners, sick of lumpy hotel beds, sick of waking up not knowing which town he is in, and sick of not being with you. Listen to him and let him vent. Tell him how much you miss him but try not to burst into tears. Tell him you understand he's doing this for his career and that you support him. Tell him you can't wait to be together again. And, at the end of every conversation, letter, and card, tell him you love him more than anything in the world.

Good luck.
Paul

[Magdalene]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 12:14pm

Excuse me, still kind of new, but what makes a theater related question off-topic?

[gymman]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 12:18pm

belongs on the off-topic board, that's all

[Di2]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 12:19pm

Thanks, Paul..

See that's my issue..I imagine that he is having a party everyday and partying it up with the chorines. I know it's not true. was on tour myself for 5 years so I know how boring and dull it can be and it certainly wasn't a party. It was hard work. But, luckily, I had my boyfriend on tour with me as we were both in the show so this is new for me.

I just want him to succeed, have a great time and then hurry up and come back home, you know?

I have always wondered how other theatre couples do it.

It's gonna be tough.

Thanks for the kind words.

So many people on this board are really mean. yikes.

I didn't expect that. All my friends in theatre bond together and help each other out.

have a great one.

[etoile]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 12:24pm

I agree with surprising him. That ALWAYS works out well.

[Di2]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 12:38pm

I don't think I would surprise him...my best friend's husband toured with JCS so she flew out to LA one day to "surprise" him and she was the one who got surprised. He was cheating on her and when she walked into the theatre during sound check to surprise her hubby.....he was caught redhanded.

She broke his nose in front of the entire cast and company.

[etoile]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 12:47pm

Exactly!

But if someone is so emotionally insecure then perhaps they should take the time to evaluate the relationship.

[whatyouown223]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 1:24pm

Talk, keep in touch, and most importantly, remember he's not leaving to make you upset, you just for better career choices. As an actress, wouldn't you do the same?

[TheaterBaby]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 1:48pm

"No offense to you. But I think people are seeing this thread as way to brag about touring in shows."

As a person who reads these threads, I did not think any bragging was going on about touring in shows.

Don't surprise him, but maybe you can work something out where you can visit him for a couple of days here and there. Not enough to distract him from the tour, but just to see each other when you both have time.

Updated On: 8/15/05 at 01:48 PM

[brdwaybaby17]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 2:11pm

Oh my gosh, Di2, I'm sorry and I know that must have been terrible for her... but that story... is priceless... at least she broke his nose... that's what makes it so good... lol

[Di2]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 2:19pm

Theatre Baby:

Yeah, I wasn't aware that I was "bragging." I certainly didn't mean to make anyone feel jealous. Touring is part of the job as actors. Big deal. Once people tour, they will realize that its just a job and a really hard and lonely one at that.

I missed my family so badly that I had to come home . I was missing out on too many important things like Christmas, Thanksgiving, birth of nieces and nephews, stuff like that.

I just wanted to hear other people's stories of how they coped while their partner was away.


Brwaybaby17..

it was UGLY!

[Sunfish]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 2:38pm

It never even occurred to me that anyone was bragging. Sheesh, the little green-eyed monster is sure raising it's ugly head.

Coping with separation is certainly part of the industry. It may be too personal for some, but calling it off topic seems pretty ridiculous given the direction of some of the posts around here.

(I can't imagine how Di2 and her boyfriend managed to tour together for 5 years though. After all that time, I can see how this separation is ...well, challenging.)

Lots of good advice here. Don't forget to make sure your own life is full....you said you went home, I don't know if you are still in theater professionally or not. But keep yourself engaged and entertained, doing things you enjoy. The time will go more quickly, and you will be better company when you do talk on the phone or see each other.

[Di2]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 3:53pm

Thank you, Sunfish!


I just arranged with Disney to have cake and balloons delivered to his rehearsal hall as a surprise..

YEAH!! That will make me smile knowing that I am celebrating his birthday with him next week, at least in spirit.

Thanks for all the kind words and advice.

See, I KNEW there were nice people out there.

xoxo

Di

[WonderBoy]

Posted: 8/15/05 at 5:07pm

Oh honey! I cannot imagine dating someone while being on tour and them not being on tour with me. Every tour I've been on I've either been single or briefly dated someone on the tour. Best of luck to the both of you!