How have your feelings about your family changed?

[insomniak]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 9:29pm

A lot of people say that as you get older, your parents become your friends and you really start to appreciate your siblings. Would you say that that's true or are there exceptions?

For me personally, I can imagine the former happening once I'm out of the house and not subject to the little things that annoy me.

[KelRel]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 9:34pm

I have been out of the hosue for about 3 and a half years now and I can totally agree with that statement. My mom and I still fight, but she is still dealing with me not being "her baby" anymore and she isn't used to not being able to boss me around anymore. That being said, I now call my parents all the time just to say hi and see how they are doing, I used to hate "checking in". Now I like to sit around and joke with them. Being away from them helps you appreciate the better aspects of your parents. I am an only child so I can't comment on the sibling thing, but my parents are becoming more "friend" like.

[liotte]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 9:36pm

True. Hated my parents til I was about 22, finally getting along with them ok now, though they still nag too much.
Also, my sisters (3 of them) are all older now, so they are actually real people as opposed to just kids (they are now 18, 15, and 13- I'm 26)

[jasonf]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 9:43pm

Well, I'm 27, and I still live at my mom's house as I pay off all those grad school loans. Since we're on such different schedules, I hardly ever even see my mom or my stepfather.
We get along great now when we do see each other. I've actually had more problems with my father now that I'm older -- let me put it this way - the song Fathers and Sons from Working really speaks to me. My sister and I get along very well - over the phone or in short spurts. Put us together for too long and we start fighting like we did when we were little because we have very different views on the world. Still, there's an understanding between us that we'll always be there for each other no matter what, so the fighting is usually very superficial.

[insomniak]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 9:44pm

*nods*

Liotte, at what age did you start to like your siblings? I don't even talk to my sister right now and I wonder if I ever will.

[Bluemoon]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 9:48pm

I do really appreciate my siblings a lot more now than when we were young. They are much younger than I so there was a big developmental difference that disappeared once we were all adults. We have a shared history that no one else will ever enter into.

I'm old enough though to have gone through the parents-as-friends stage and am now "parenting" my mother.Dad died two years ago, but not before I parented him, too. It's a big circle out there, folks.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 9:49pm

My parents are both dead.

[Broadway _ Beauty]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 9:52pm

as i get older the more i HATE my mom!

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 9:53pm

I haven't been away from home that long, so it's hard to say things have changed with my parents. They're still having trouble letting go, and want to help out with things, but that also means they're still very much on my back about a lot of things - about grades, and making sure I get things done and done right (aka their way), etc, etc.

About a month before I left for college, my brother (three years younger than I) started to get very clingy and sad. We fought ALL the time as kids - both physical fighting and verbal bickering - but now that we don't see each other as much, we're a lot closer. We get along pretty well now.

[One Song Glory]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 9:57pm

My dad and I like to go golfing a lot. that hasn't really changed much over the years. My mom and I go running together and we go to the gym together. My brother doesn't like to speak to me, he's been that way since I can remember. But I'm only 12 so a lot can happen in the next couple of years.

[theatrebabe]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 9:58pm

I get along with my sister and my brother better now that they're both out of the house. But now I'm starting to argue with my parents a lot more. oy vey

[bdwaygirl]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 10:00pm

I've actually wondered about the parent thing myself. My mom died when I was in my early teens, so I never got the chance to experience the friend thing. My dad passed when I was in my early 20's, but I was doing my thing and he his, so even though he and I were very close, I missed a chance on the friend thing again, much to my regret. My brother and I were actually closer when we were younger than we are now. It didn't help that he and his wife moved out of state 21 years ago. We had a falling out and didn't speak for two years. That happened on 9/11/01, a date that was bringing families closer together, except in my case. We started talking again almost two years ago, the day our closest aunt who was like a 2nd mother to us, died, which, strangely was 9/11/03. We speak occasionally on the phone and they were just in Jersey for a quick 3 day visit and we had dinner one night, but we really don't have much in common. Over the years, I was the one that always seemed to be trying to keep us together and whatnot. Then we had that falling out and "reunion". I went two years without them in my life, that I sometimes forget they're talking to me again. I guess it's my subconcious way to deal with the pain over that period of time.

[insomniak]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 10:07pm

I'm sorry, bdway. That's crazy...

[camerangel]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 10:18pm

I can't say that in my case this is true. As I have gotten older I have grown farther apart from my mother. We used to be close but shortly after I graduated high school things started to change. I lost the trust and respect I had for her and it's hard to gain that back.

As for my siblings, my brother and I have always had our little fights but for the most part have always gotten along. He's 2 years older than I am. We were always very protective of each other when we were growing up. Basically we can pick on each other and be total bastards but no one else had better mess with us type of thing.

My Younger sister and I have never gotten along. I had hoped that once she got older we would see eye to eye more but unfortunately that is not the case. She's now in her 20's and we hardly speak to each other and it's rarely pleasant when we do.. Which in it's own way is saddening. She doesn't even live near me anymore.. She actually called me Friday and wanted a favor, which turned into be a horrible phone conversation. All because she didn't like the fact that I wasn't sure if I would be available next weekend to do some pictures of her. She wound up screaming and crying on the phone it was pretty bad..

I also have a 7 year old brother and I adore him, as well as I'm looking forward to my new baby sister who is due any day.. I am however closer to my dad than I think I ever have been before. So growing up helped in that instance.

I can't say that my experiences are typical, I'm guessing they probably arent..


Girly I'm sorry to hear that..

[bdwaygirl]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 10:25pm

Thanks, Cam. Can't wait to see some pics (I hope) of the new little one. I'll have a couple new ones of my boyfriend tomorrow!

Yeah, nia, crazy would be a good description. I'm sure a therapist would probably have a field day with me.

[camerangel]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 10:28pm

I need to snuggle that cuteness some more.. **steals Girly's boyfriend again**

Of course I will post pics.. I'm sooo excited..

I'm thinking there is nothing normal about any family..

[The Grovers Corners Yenta]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 10:36pm

I am 48 and has taken me many years to realize that I did not have perfect parents. In fact, I was an abused child. But this was in the 50's 60's and 70's when reporting child abuse was the thing to do. I was raised without getting what I needed to become a whole human being. I had to learn to seek out what I needed in life from other people. As a child I was often told how stupid or fat I was. I was there to cater to my parent's whims . There was no nurturing, cuddling or basic human affection when I was a child. Because of this I learned to isolate myself and put up a strong facade. This kept other people at a distance and I could not have healthy relationships with anyone once I got older. My father passed away in the early 90's. I have contact with my mother on a very limited basis. I have learned to seek out what I never had from them with other people. That facade has come down and I have people in my life. However, my parents did give me one thing....my life

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 10:42pm

Since I've gone away to school, I've gotten along much better with my brother and sister. Mainly because I don't have to deal with them every day, but it's also because they're maturing as well and I can have actual conversations with them.

they're still very much on my back about a lot of things - about grades, and making sure I get things done and done right (aka their way), etc, etc.
Emcee, you've perfectly described my relationship with my parents. I've been away for 2 years but when I go home, they still manage to treat me like I'm 13. I survive 9 months of the year away from them, but they still feel like they have to remind me to do my laundry and feed my fish. I've heard of the whole "friends with parents" scenario and some of my friends have already started to get there, but I just don't see when/if my parents are going to let that happen.

Updated On: 9/5/05 at 10:42 PM

[ElphieDefiesGravity]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 10:45pm

I feel that as we have gotten older, my sister and I have gotten much closer. We are six years apart, and when we were younger there was not stop fighting, both physical and verbal, but now we get along much better. We still fight, but it's not of the same magnitude. I love my sister more than just about anything and would be absolutely devastated if anything happened to her.
I love both my parents, but I rarely have real talks with my mom, because it's always so awkward. Little things she says or does just annoy me irrationally. Although my dad is a bit too strict and controlling for my taste, I can have "real" conversations with him.

[insomniak]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 10:51pm

These are all really interesting... I'm sorry about the vague adjective, but I'm not quite sure what to say.

*listens*

Yenta, I am sorry to hear about your childhood. I suppose you're right, though... at least you're here.

[Ellie3]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 10:56pm

I've always looked up to my (older) sisters, and tried to be exactly like them in every way. I think they regarded me as a bratty little kid up until a year or two ago, but now they treat me as an equal, which is always good.

[Link Larkin Wanabe]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 11:09pm

When I turned 18 (over 2 years ago), I packed up and moved to the other side of the continent from my parents, to live on my own in the big city. Now me and my family have a great relationship when I go back and visit in the summer. Me and my mom don't fight as much, probably due to the fact that she has finally realized I am grown up and am doing a great job of taking care of myself. I call her once a week to get updates from home.

The one thing i really remember was I got a really bad stomach flu and couldn't hold any food down, and all i wanted to do was call my mom. I must have called her at least six times in a few hours. Being sick totally makes you appreciate what your parents did for you when you were a kid, because of that sense of helplessness.

Akiva

[WickedJerseyGirl]

Posted: 9/5/05 at 11:42pm

My mother is usually totally overbearing and overprotective. I love her, but people wonder why I put up with it. I lived in the same town until this year. My job had be traveling most of the time, so it was bearable. She needs to know where I am, who I am with, how much money I am making. It's a bit ridiculous. When I announced I was thinking about moving 900 miles away, she was supportive. She knows my love for NYC and knew I was in search of a better job. I called her from NY after the interview and told her I got the job and she went nuts. She started crying and saying I would never make it on my own here. She started bringing up all my fears whenever we talked about it. When I came home for the next few weeks and prepared to leave, she got better. When I mentioned the move to her friends, almost all of them said that it was what my mother needed. "She depends on you too much." "She is too involved in your life." Things like that. I had no idea they felt that way.

As for my brother, we have ALWAYS fought like cats and dogs. As we grew older, the relationship got better. We can still go rounds when one of us is grumpy. Now that I am going, he is pretty upset.

I am used to working alone and traveling alone and I am excited about the move, so I think my lack of emotion concerning leaving them is making things worse. We will see what happens over time and distance.

[cabarethed]

Posted: 9/6/05 at 1:14am

edit: It's amazing how much you share when you're half awake. Updated On: 9/6/05 at 01:14 AM

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 9/6/05 at 1:32am

I disliked my family when I was in elementary school. I disliked them when I was in high school. I disliked them when I was in college. I dislike them now. So much for their claims that I'm bipolar; my feelings about them don't "swing" at all.

It has everything to do with sexuality.
Updated On: 9/6/05 at 01:32 AM