I Enjoy Being a Girl Vol 2! — Page 126

newgirl, I feel your pain. But if it's any consolation, if you didn't think he was right for you back then, he probably wasn't.

(((hugs)))

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Those damn blondes....

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Aw, newgirl. It's totally natural to feel sad in that situation. But this too shall pass, and sooner than you think.

Weez, American politics are far from sexy. You aren't missing out. Somehow, the fat old guys get laid the most. In West Wing world, though, it's TOTALLY sexy.

I'm just so excited to be the crazy cheerleading coach!

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Thank god it's Friday! I don't know about y'all, but I'm exhausted!

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it's ok Schmerg... I wanted to be Mercedes so I cheated so I got her lol

Hijacking the thread with more of my crap...

It's been too hard. I want to know what it's like to live life actually INTERESTED in something, and not trying so hard to appear so.

I try to like things and be around people. Both difficult. I get tired easily, lose interest...it's exhausting. People can tell that I'm barely there, and they treat me accordingly. I feel like a ghost.

Tried to study for the GRE...lasted 20 minutes. Boredom, sense of futility showed up as always. I've taken one yoga class in my life. A handful of dance. Never tried these things before because right now all I have is time on my hands.

Try to take pictures, blah. Try to act. No one wants all this depression subtext under the smile. Try to cook. Can't taste anything.

It shouldn't be this hard, should it? I have to force myself to eat, exercise, be interested in anything. Nothing feels right, never really has. I'm tired of feeling afraid, of the constant paranoia that seems to be depression's roommate, of worrying about my state, of trying to fit in. Knowing that humans are built for happiness, consciousness, gratitude, love.

This reads like a suicide note. I try to stay in gratitude, but there is no motivation, no spark, no fire in me whatsoever. I can't seem to do a job for long--people relegate me to ghost status. In the past I've worked very hard, but ultimately got crap pay, wasn't good at the job or motivated or treated all that well, and was usually laid off.

I don't allow disrespect or any negativity from others anymore, but I can't seem to prevent feeling like this, or drag myself out of this rut. Every day, I have to cheer myself up to get something done. I'm successful about 20% of the time.

Medication--tried it. Doesn't work for me. Therapy--doesn't help me. Energy work, meditation, law of attraction stuff--nothing incites anything within me to make things better. Everything just feels over. I'd always hoped I'd grow out of it, attract better things, but I'm sick of trying to care and be passionate, or even feel marginally better.

Depression hurts, as the ad says. Well, yeah, but it mostly just feels like an absence of humanity, consciousness, emotion. Nothing bloody matters, it's just all kind of blank.

I'm a lot like the parents. They're kind of into nothing, too. They're blank, unhappy people. They've had a disastrous influence on all their kids.

Anyway, needed to vent. But this pattern is so beyond tiresome that it wouldn't exist if it weren't for the habitrail it's laid along my neuronal paths. Right now as I'm typing this, my mind is generating fearful thoughts, summoning thoughts of someone I know who's had misfortune lately, threateningly suggesting that any complaint I have would attract similar misfortune. That kind of thing's been going on since I was a kid.

Sometimes I wonder if someone cursed me or I have what's called a 'spiritual attachment' that drains the energy and I can't get rid of it.

Thanks for the vent. Again.

Well said Stockard! nygrl, you can not give up on a way to conquer this. I too believe that you have just not tried the 'right' therapist or medication. But your biggest ally is yourself, you need to concentrate on getting control of this.

Right now you have done a great job of recording how you are feeling, this is the sort of thing you should print out and bring to a good therapist or doctor.

But something I think you should try is to start writing down anything and everything that makes you smile, laugh, feel good, inspires interest or curiousity (no matter how small) - WRITE IT DOWN. Do this everyday - only write down POSITIVES! Then reread these things over and over again and focus on them.

Try to limit your exposure to people who are detrimental to your mood, increase your exposure to people who see the glass half full, who make you laugh.

Do belly-laugh therapy - where you force yourself to laugh heartily - even if there isn't anything funny - LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH - it releases good things into your body and mind.

By all means vent here - but what I'd like to see you do is find one thing everyday that you can write here that made you laugh, smile or feel good in some way.

Yes, I agree with Hells! Try starting a blog. I started one a little over a week ago because I wasn't all that happy and I just tried to focus my thoughts on having great days and focusing on the positives and then at the end of the day I just wrote whatever came to mind and "new" things I learned about myself. I really think this might help you because it makes you think of what's wrong and then it allows you to see ways to fix it that you might not if it's not written down.

But yes, we are ALL here for you!

Piano, I LOVE that. It's funny that you say that, because you always strike me as such a happy, upbeat type of person. But I know all of us have moments that are down - I just love that you found a way to work on that......so productive!!!!

nygrl, listening to when you say "Can't seem to connect with anyone"........I think that might be because right now you need to connect with yourself. There was a time in my life when I looked to other people to "make" me happy, I found that only I could truly "make" myself happy. Only then can you be happy with someone else. You can do it, I know you can........just work it sweet lady. Meanwhile, lean on us.

Thanks Hells! see, I am a happy camper the majority of the time but when I'm down... I'm down and I was wayyyy down the week before last... it was pretty bad, BUT I tried to keep it to myself and I finally realized my happiness is determined by me and not the others around me, so as long as I do everything I can to have a good day and I do, then I'll be great. I dunno, I just have to let things go and just concentrate on having a wonderful day and then I do

Good luck Clever...and btw, I'll be at the Next to Normal matinee on Saturday...Is there any chance you're going then? I know you mentioned you might be seeing it in September....

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