Seriously someone needs to punch me in the throat...I've been slacking extra hard the past couple of weeks. I really need to get back on the ball with this whole BWW thing. My life is actually sucking the
LIFE out of me and I have 0 time for anything. But I hope you're all doing well.
Last week I met someone. EEEPPPP!!! She's really amazing. Like for REALS!!! Yes I realize using a phrase like "For Reals" makes me sound like a 13-year-old reject from 1999 but whatever. Like my heart flutters when I think about her, it's bordering on ridiculous how I get when I'm around her, or no where near her. She just moved here and is having a hard time getting acclimated to being in the South, given the fact that she's originally from Boston. She said that no one down here talks to her and feels like they'd rather throw her in front of a bus than have a conversation with her. I felt really bad for her and offered my time if she wanted to get some coffee with me just to talk. We talked for almost an hour and I finally realized that while I had been completely taken with her, all of her, that I failed to noticed a blaring RED FLAG!!! Her left hand was adorned with one of the most gorgeous diamonds I had ever seen. Like seriously beautiful. How in the hell could I have missed that?! When she talks she uses her hands a lot and I really should have seen that monster hanging from her wrist!!! Early in our convo she asked me how old I was but I didn't even think to ask her how old
she was. Come to find out she's 36 and very, VERY happily married. So F*ck a Duck I'm screwed. Just to give you an idea she's basically my type in almost every conceivable way. Long, straight dark chocolate brown hair, green eyes, perfect mouth, perfect laugh, soft skin (she touched my arm when she was talking) and a little shorter than me around 5'7'. She's learned in a non-pretentious way, charming and has a brilliant sense of humor. I can tell that she must do yoga or something on the regular because her body is effing fierce. I probably shouldn't put this out here but even her name is magical. Yes MAGICAL!!!!!! It suits her to a tee...it's Marcella. For f*ck's sake her name is Marcella. It rolls off the tongue wonderfully . For those of you that know my real name and how it's pronounced (Yes I know you thought it said
Tofu on my birth certificate) she said that my name was really beautiful. I get that almost all the time, but coming from her it was that much better.
Now obviously I've been attracted to women before (i.e the gayness) but this one has really thrown me. Especially since I found out how happy and HOW married she is. With that sort of information I just resign myself to the fact that it will never happen and move on. When we finally got to her husband she looked so happy talking about how proud she is of him for landing a position as a professor at the university here. While she's talking about her fantastically amazing and gifted husband all I want to do is kiss her. So sad. I talked to my friend about this over the weekend and asked for some advice. Consequences be damned or get nice 'n' comfy in the "Friend Zone"? In so many words he told me to have my dirty wanton way with her in the nearest utility closet and be done with it. But given his history of practically being a ho himself, I took that with a grain of salt. Seriously he'll mack with a racist, homophobe with 6 kids and a wife sooo......yeah. But I've never been in the habit of breaking up relationships, dating or married/gay or straight. I mean I've definitely done some f*cked up sh*t in my day but handling "business" with a married woman ain't one of them.
I've tried to will myself to
not think of her in any way, shape or form but I can't seem to get her out of my mind. She might suspect that something's wrong with me because she called me around 11 this morning but I told her I was busy with work even though today was my day off and I'm off tomorrow as well. It's like all of this is messing with my mind and it's waaayyyyyy too soon for that. I met her last week and it's already got me like this?! Sheesh I can't believe I've turned into a sappy lesbian. Good Lord.
Oh and to top it all off my grandmother's hounding me about why I'm not married or even talking about boys anymore. For the love of God I stopped talking about "boys" almost 3 years ago when I figured there was no reason to even keep up that pretense. She said she can't wait to have great-grandchildren. And the entire time I'm thinking: "Yeah. My wife and I would be more than happy to give you In Vitro Fertilization babies as soon as we know you won't lead the other villagers to the town square, strike a match and burn us at the stake for it." F*ck me gently with a chainsaw my life sucks!!! I think tomorrow calls for endless ice cream and white wine...mixed together in the blender for my morning shake. UGH!!!
Any advice, words of wisdom, a good old fashioned "snap out of it stupid" or whatever would be good right about now. Thanks for listening guys. I hope you have a wonderful day.
XOXO
Tofu
P.S: I'm listening to my iTunes as I'm writing this and on shuffle
WHY did "More Than Words Can Say" by Alias just start playing?! F my life.
"I have the prettiest mother..."--Rhoda Penmark~~~ The Bad Seed
Updated On: 10/15/09 at 12:48 AM
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