If someone owes you money - Epilogue

How do you remind them if they don't seem to be paying you back? I don't want to be nagging my friend, but I paid for both her and my theater tickets. The night we went to the show, I told her how much she owed me, but she didn't pay me back, and I've seen her twice since then, and she still didn't.

Is there a different way to remind her that doesn't sound nagging?

Updated On: 10/2/15 at 11:18 AM

Go to another show with her. Say "This time you get the tickets."

If you need the money right away, shoot her a text/email or whatever message and just nicely ask about. "Hey, remember how I got our theater tickets? Could I get that money from you?" If it's not urgent, just ask her the next time you see her.

If you think she's trying to get away with not paying you back, ask her if you can get it at a specific time. "Hey, remember how I got our theater tickets? Could I get that money from you tomorrow/Tuesday/whenever?"

This way?

Updated On: 9/30/15 at 11:34 AM

"That's why I'm conflicted."

Jane2, I know my boss' approach as well as my post were somewhat crass. But, it pains me to learn that you're creating your own personal hell over this. You strike me as a very generous person. It's your money, so I sincerely hope that you can get out of your head and reclaim it. You deserve peace of mind. From what you're shared, you are a principled person and your friend has inadvertently violated one of your key principles. Until this matter is resolved, I suspect that you'll remain conflicted which isn't something that I personally wish for you.

So, as folks in the hood say...handle your business. It's liberating.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be;

For loan oft loses both itself and friend,

And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

This above all: to thine ownself be true,

PJthat jape s to be good advice. I thought I had learned my lesson long ago but I slipped.

sNAFU you got that right!

Send your friend this and see what they say.

Jane -- just be honest with her. Pretty much the way you explained in your post. You know she isn't trying to avoid, but its on your mind...that's the way you are. Tell you even feel bad for asking her, but you don't want it haunting you when you're together.

I don't think it makes sense to let it go.

I can't tell you the many times i have been in your position. When I ask I often hear "well if you need the money that bad". I just don't lend it out anymore like I used to. I used to pick up things for people and then I would have to bring it to them and then get paid. Not once, did i ever hear "thank you, when can I bring you the money?" There is only one person that I do, tickets, hotel, etc, and he is very good with paying me back. Of course, I bluntly say you owe me such and such. We are going on a trip next month and the hotel will be charged on my credit card. When we check out and the receipt is in my hand I then say you owe, with my hand extended.

Jane, you've never struck me as anything but a lovely, good humored person. I'm sure you'll handle this situation with grace and tact and have that money back in your account before the week is up.

DAME said: "Jane; My friends call me ticketmaster because I am usually the one organizing us all to go to things. But I established my boundaries early on. I email them and tell them my credit card bill has arrived and when can I expect payment. They are usually very good and get it to me right away. This past Sunday I went to the Bowl with a new friend. When we met there I asked for payment and he gave me the " oh I forgot all about it". At which point we walked straight to a ATM. You have to establish your boundaries and don't be embarrassed. The embarrassment should be theirs"

DAME - you were at Grace Jones, too?? I though the Bowl seemed extra fabulous that night.

Updated On: 10/1/15 at 04:35 AM

LaurenB, Sorry to hear about your experience with your friend. But it was good you found out, because she ended up being someone you couldn't count on. I am the type, if a friend is sick or in the hospital, I go see them. If they need someone to talk to, I listen. Unfortunately, it has been my experience, that people in my life have not given me that same treatment. That is who I classify as a true friend. The rest I can do without. As I've gotten older, I tolerate behavior in people less. What I used to put up with, I don't now. It Is just as easily to cut them off.

This morning I decided to forget the payback. Why? Well, last night I had one of the most wonderful nights in a long time, all because of my friend. She happens to have a huge circle of many different kinds of people, mostly in the arts, and I've met and enjoyed many of them. Last night I met an artist friend of hers from NM, who was in town with his work for a show. His work is gorgeous. He's an amazing talent. I bought one of his paintings, but more important, he and his boyfriend are brand new and fabulous friends of mine. In fact, I'm planning to go stay with them in NM very soon. All because of my friend who owes me a little money. I actually owe her a debt of gratitude for all she's given me over the 25+ years I know her.