Lance Bass: I'm Gay- Page 13

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 1:41pm

What harsh response? I'm sorry but I'm NOT going to apologize for the fact that a high-profile name just came out and then immediately apologized for being gay. Because that's what he just did.
And the term STRAIGHT ACTING has absolutely nothing to do with straight men at all. As has been said again and again here, it is about a gay man trying to affix vague and undefinable traits to himself in order to assimilate back into the heterosexual world.
"See! I'm just like you!"

[NYadgal]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 1:45pm

I understand what all the terms mean. There was some sarcasm in my replies because I find it incredibly hypocritical that anyone would criticize or find fault with the way anyone else behaves when they, themselves, want to be treated with respect and equality.

Expectations and labels can be dangerous and divisive.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 1:46pm

"see! i'm just like you!"

i understand the the backlash against the statement because as it's said it seems to imply that there is something wrong with the way some gay men behave. however, isn't the above statement exactly what we should all be striving for in some sense? a day when the glbt community is seen as no different from anyone else simply due to their sexuality (is gender the right word here?)? or for that matter when a person whoever they are is not judged based on their color or race or gender or relgion but on who they are as people?

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 1:48pm

Even though I don't condone what he said, we have to understand that here's a man that has been closeted and in the spotlight for a long time. He finally came out... but habits/behaviours are tough to overcome. Hopefully in a few years he'll be comfortable enough that he'll look at his statements and be horrified that he ever said such things. I would pressume most of us did stuff like that during our formative years. God knows I did.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 1:51pm

I think when Lance used the term, he had no idea that it was insulting to many gay men who don't particularly see the need to adhere to any stereotypical images of masculinity--as well as to Addy!

Addy--I think the posters here universally abhore the use of the term. Your admonishment could be turned toward Lance and others who feel that the only appropriate way of being gay is to "act straight." As you said, that could mean many things, but to recently-out-of-the-closet gays the phrase is most often used to say "I may be gay but I don't act like THEM."

We could get into a whole other discussion about how the putting down of effeminate gays or "bottoms" within the gay male community is actually transferred misogyny--yes, misogyny directed toward other men...but I think this thread is confusing enough as it is.

Rath--you're probably right: I think he's clueless about a lot of stuff. Lance also said that he didn't want to be a spokesperson or riding on floats, as if that's a bad thing--despite the fact that his boyfriend, your rugged AND effeminate cousin, has been proudly (and handsomely) riding on floats ever since he and his ex-lover Chip first came out on network TV.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 1:51pm

Well, let's put it this way: if you're going to go into a magazine like People to publicly proclaim your orientation, you are doing it to invite comment.
Most of the posts on this thread were either of the "good for him" mode or had a "we already knew!" joking quality.
Then we see that he apologized. Frankly, that's disappointing. We can debate all day and night about why he didn't come out sooner or whatever and it won't make a difference, but why is it suddenly such an awful thing that any of us express disappointment that he couldn't just come out without qualifying his masculinity?

And, Papa, you might be right, but that particular brand of judgment has to happen by one side in reference TO another side. In other words, straight people have to stop thinking in terms of "they're not like us" and gay people have to stop hoping to emulate what they see as "straight" traits and just be what they are.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 1:53pm

I miss Chip...

[NYadgal]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 1:57pm

If acting the way a person feels comfortable, regardless of whether it is or is not in lock-step with what other members of a 'community' feel, there is NO REASON for them to apologize for that.

Sexual orientation does not automatically confer upon a person a set of behavioral or attitudinal characteristics.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 1:58pm

And for the record, I still hope that he and Chip will get back together.

But then again, I still hope that Rod and Bob will get back together.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 1:58pm

but why should anyone have to try to be anything for anyone else? i mean, if someone is a minsing sissy, that's who they are. if someone someone is a lumberjack who likes to drink cheap american beer, watch football and hunt cougar with a .38 super and happens to like men, that's who he is. i understand the sentiment that no one should be degraded for being who they are, but i also think that someone is who they are and they don't have to fit into some preconceived notion of who that kinda person is.

i mean it would be ridiculous and demeaning for me to sit here and say, bway, i've met you and you're just not gay enough. sorry. sissy it up a bit, kid.

why must there be a template?

[NYadgal]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 1:59pm

"I want people to take away from this that being gay is a norm," Bass said. "That the stereotypes are out the window ... I've met so many people like me that it's really encouraged me. I call them the SAGs — the straight-acting gays. We're just normal, typical guys. I love to watch football and drink beer."


Where was he apologizing for being gay?

[RobbO]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:01pm

i'm writing my personal ad now and i was wondering - instead of putting "straight acting" which has you sissies in an uproar, is it okay to put "masculine" instead?

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:04pm

If you don't see it, I certainly can't point it out to you.
the whole point here is that no one in the gay community is saying there's only one way to be gay.
But, seriously, Addy, you don't see "Straight-acting Gay" as an apology? A defense of what you are?

Papa, again, that's the point. There isn't, nor should there be, a template. What Bass says in his interview there is the standard quote of, "oh, yeah, I'm gay, but I'm not STEREOTYPICALLY gay. You know, I drink beer, I watch football, I'm a guy!"
Well, so are the guys who put on pink tu-tus and do impromptu ballets in the streets.
He's the one who's making the comparison and finding the alternative lacking.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:05pm

"We're just normal, typical guys."

I guess I'm not normal

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:10pm

RobbO, you should probably put diesel.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:11pm

RobbO, the correct term you're looking for is "little person."

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:11pm

And, bway, stop with the ballet in the streets. Last time you almost took someone' eye out!

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:12pm

"the straight-acting gays. We're just normal, typical guys. I love to watch football and drink beer."

There is so much wrong with that statement, and it really simply sounds like someone who just came out, still totally insecure about their coming out, yet, because of his public presence, finds a need to explain himself and be accepted.

First he says stereotypes are out the window, yet he then proceeds to further the stereotype that to be a normal, typical guy you must love to watch football and drink beer.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:15pm

Doodle, I don't usually dance in the streets.
I'm the gaywad who sometimes starts singing random snippets of showtunes and Whitney Houston.

[RobbO]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:15pm

i think you guys are really reading too much into it. if nothing else, i do not think he is implying that a gayer-acting person is abnormal.

from personal experience i know that when i first came out 10 years ago i was more uncomfortable around drag queens and very effeminate men. i just knew that they did not represent me and was not looking for effeminate men in the people i chose to date. i guess you could say i still had some prejudice to work out or was less tolerant.

personally, i do not find the term "straight acting" offensive and say to each their own. and now as i've grown and matured, i am more accepting of the entire spectrum that the gay community encompasses.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:18pm

Well, you're right, RobbO, but it's still not fun to hear a high-profile guy come out in a major magazine and put out into the universe how "encouraging" it is that there's all these "straight-acting gays." How that can be anything but derogatory is beyond me.
But I'm with you and I will henceforth cut him some slack. I can't say my first action as an out guy was to go find 5 drag queens and high heel it through Harlem at 3 AM with them.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:18pm

Bway, I don't for a minute think "they're" not like "us".
(In other words, straight people have to stop thinking in terms of "they're not like us")

Because there is no THEY and US.

There are people who are heterosexual and homosexual (and some of us are in-between).

There is no one way for all heterosexual people to act. There is no one way for all homosexual people to act.

Why is there so little tolerance for differences in personality, behavior and activity, especially as related to sexual orientation?

Updated On: 7/28/06 at 02:18 PM

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:20pm

The intolerance is calling one normal, implying any other behaviors not normal.

[TxTwoStep]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:21pm

exactly ROBbO...not everyone evolves at the same rate. Big surprise.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:23pm

Addy, I don't think this is limited to gays and lesbians.

Like I said, I often wonder how we fight for tolerance yet are quite intolerant among our community.

But, like I said before, there were divisions within the black community depending on how dark you are; there are divisions among the cuban community in Miami.

It has to do with not being comfortable with what we don't know. The same way people look at those into S/M like they're strange, for example, regardless of orientation.