Lance Bass: I'm Gay- Page 14

[RobbO]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:24pm

but doodle, if i were writing a personal ad and said that i "preferred black men only," does that imply that i'm prejudiced against other races or is just a preference?

[TxTwoStep]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:26pm

not sure about the prejudice, handsome ROBbO, but in any case I'd like to see the videos.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:27pm

Dd, WERE prejudices within black communities due to skin color? Try still IS! Further, white people often rank other races on the color of their skin.

Addy, there should be no "they" and "us." But there often is. In Lance's case, there's a "fem" and a "butch." The butch designation is something he's layering onto himself in order to appeal - in his own opinion - more to society at large since it's more acceptable to be seen as a butch guy than a queen.

My whole thought on the "straight" acting thing is that it's fine to be what you are. If Lance really is a football-playing, beer-drinking guy, fine. But the implication in his statement was to disparage the "other" and that's where I took umbrage.

[ZONEACE]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:28pm

This statement by lance just makes me believe even more than he's really a screaming queen.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:29pm

"but doodle, if i were writing a personal ad and said that i "preferred black men only," does that imply that i'm prejudiced against other races or is just a preference?"

I think it means you're prejudiced against small penises.

Seriously? I say preference, because it you arent asking someone be "black acting."

[RobbO]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:30pm

where is the original quote from lance? i have not seen it and would like to read the article in its entirety.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:30pm

bway... I wasn't sure if that was still common.

[Kringas]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:32pm

Why is there so little tolerance for differences in personality, behavior and activity based on sexual orientation?

I think that would be a good question to ask Mr. Bass. No one (least of all me) is slagging him for being a beer-drinking, football watching type. It's that he used the words "straight-acting," which implies that those acts of drinking beer and watching football aren't gay at all.

I don't think anyone on here is saying that gays or straights have to act a certain way. It's the use of the words "straight acting" that we take issue with. The implication is that A) There are different ways for gays and straights to act and that B) Acting traditionally "gay" is abnormal.

I'm sorry that Addy and any other straight people are taking offense here, because I don't think any of us had that intention. It's the choice of those words by a self-proclaimed gay person that has ruffled some feathers.

I'd say that a lot of people would label as me as a more "gay" acting gay person. That's fine, and I don't take offense to it. I do take offense when it's implied that there's a superiority in traditionally acting "straight," which is what Lance Bass's comment implies.

If you go on any gay dating site, you'll find plenty of men using the words "straight-acting" to describe their demeanor and/or what they are looking for in a partner. It's usually followed by comments like "I want my men to act like men," or "If I wanted a girl. I'd just date one." This is not to say that I think that stereotypical (which is probably a better word me to use than "traditional") gay behavior is "girly" or hell, that even acting "girly" is wrong. I don't use the phrase "straight-acting" unless I'm having a discussion like this one.

I'm glad that a lot of you don't find the term "straight-acting" derisive. It's just that a lot of us do find it a derisive term. And it's not because there's something wrong with "acting straight," it's because that expression implies that there's something wrong those of us who do not naturally (or make an effort to) act "straight."

Updated On: 7/28/06 at 02:32 PM

[RobbO]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:33pm

okay, doodle, how does one "act black" ?

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:35pm

Gurrrll, shooze...I know you ain't tryna be axing some kinda dumb-ass question like that up in this piece!

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:35pm

Margo can do it too.

[ZONEACE]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:36pm

I personally can't stand Beer (although i will on occasion choke down a guiness just so i don't forget my Irish roots) but i love me some football (and no, it's not the tight pants).

[NYadgal]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:36pm

Which brings me back to my original point...

There is no one way to act straight.

There is no one way to act gay.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:36pm

Seriously...that's the point, RobbO (I'm not sure if you're baiting me.)

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:37pm

A huge part of our culture is about labels. You've got your queens, kings, daddy's, cubs, cub-chasers, lipsticks, dykes, twinks and on and on and on. Heck, back in the day we had over 30 handkerchiefs just to describe our sexual preferences.

[RobbO]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:39pm

^ you're old.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:40pm

What do we call RobbOs?

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:44pm

"Which brings me back to my original point...

There is no one way to act straight.

There is no one way to act gay."

Then why use the term straight acting?

I want to see an ad seeking a gay acting straight man. Wonder why we never see that.

[Calvin]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:44pm

You mean they don't use it any more?

And after I spent all that money buying those boxes of dark red hankies.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:45pm

fess up: how many people just googled the meaning of dark red hankies?

[Calvin]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:46pm

I want to see an ad seeking a gay acting straight man. Wonder why we never see that.

Because Star Jones is already married. (rim shot)

eta: bway, I hope you're not at work. Updated On: 7/28/06 at 02:46 PM

[RobbO]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:47pm

oh, i loves me some gay acting straight men! they're are the hardest to find - when you do find one it is like winning the gay lottery!

i'm too lazy and hoped someone else would do it, bway.

[Kringas]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:47pm

You're absolutely right, Addy. Your original point is valid and no one is arguing with that. There is no one way to act gay or to act straight.

However, the person this thread is about is attributed with the comment "That the stereotypes are out the window ... I've met so many people like me that it's really encouraged me. I call them the SAGs — the straight-acting gays. We're just normal, typical guys. I love to watch football and drink beer."

It's that comment that implies that "straight-acting" behavior is normal and typical. As someone who has spent well over a decade in the dating world, it's comments like that that make my skin crawl. It's not that "straight-acting" (or what is often referred to as "masculine" behavior) is wrong. It's setting up the notion that the opposite behavior is wrong, because it implicitly (and sometimes not so implicitly) implies that non-straight (which really boils down to "feminine") behavior is wrong.

The phrase straight-acting is as misogynistic as it is homophobic.

[TxTwoStep]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:48pm

DOODLE and ROBbO, is the difference that sometimes you see ads looking for "thugs"...an update of the old "mandingo" stereotype? (not that I read that many ads, of course).

Meaning that sometimes a cliche becomes either derogatory or celebrative, depending on the context. There's a lot of complexities to such issues, of course. I mean, I know for certain that most trailer-park dwellers aren't much like the folks in GREAT AMERICAN TRAILER PARK MUSICAL, but it sure is fun. I don't know many Texans like those characters in GREATER TUNA, or nuns like the women in NUNSENSE.

[ZONEACE]

Posted: 7/28/06 at 2:50pm

I still use Mandingo in my ads, is that bad?