MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
#0MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 10/25/04 at 7:04am
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes and candy bars at the front.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. While contemplating surgery for being too fat.
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Plus hire a rent a cop with a gun that would make Barney Fife look like Dirty Harry.
Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Don't forget screws in three's and nails by the dozen.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#1re: MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 10/25/04 at 7:37amLOL! Thanks BB for giving this poor old brod so much to ponderon this dull and dreary Monday.a
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
NYadgal
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/18/04
#2re: MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 10/25/04 at 9:09am
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
So true. Why is that?
And another - why do we drive on parkways but park on driveways?
"Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see. . ."
#3re: MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 10/25/04 at 9:41amAARRRGH! Too much to ponder.
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
Plum
Broadway Legend Joined: 3/4/04
#4re: MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 10/25/04 at 10:24am
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Different modes of pigmentation. :P
#5re: MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 10/25/04 at 2:25pmHow does Kevin Costner keep getting work?
I starred in a short film called Magnetic Personality. Check it out!
insomniak
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/7/04
#6re: MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 10/25/04 at 11:37pmI know it's almost Tuesday, but I had to bump this up to inform you that I do close my mouth when applying mascara.
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