What was your greatest opportunity? I had to think long and hard about this one. My first instinct was to think of it in terms of career success, but as I'm still not quite sure what I want to be when I grow up, I don't have a satisfactory answer in that respect.
When that question was coupled with DG's "I'd be curious to know if you took advantage of it," something, actually some
one, popped in my head immediately.
About four years ago I started seeing someone who lived out of town. I'd had one other long distance relationship that ended in a spectacular mess, and I vowed I'd never do it again. There was something about this guy that seemed different, and since he had plans (which he'd made before he'd even met me) to move here from Chicago within a year or so, I decided it wouldn't be so bad.
The problem was that my Chicago guy didn't want to be exclusive while we weren't living in the same town. And, while I can understand why that thought just makes good sense, when I was in my 20s I didn't really get that many guys interested in me, particularly guys I thought were of note. I was happy enough to find
one, I didn't need to keep playing the field, but that's what he wanted, so I agreed.
J (the Chicago guy) and I saw each other when we could, and still saw others on our home turf. Imagine my surprise when - about six or so months into our relationship - I hit it off with a local guy.
L, the local guy, was great. Both guys were. I was attracted to both, had a lot in common with both, enjoyed making out with both, etc. Common sense would have said to just pick the local guy, but I've never been known for making things easy on myself.
J never pressured me, I guess because seeing other people was his idea, and he was quite enjoying himself in Chicago, but L quickly grew tired of knowing that there was someone else. The more he pressured me to make a choice, the more irritated I got. I'll be honest, there was a thrill to the fact two guys I was interested in were interested in me, but the real fact was that I was so worried that I'd make the
wrong choice that I was pretty much paralyzed. I figured I'd never be in this position again, and I really didn't want to screw it up.
This went on for a few months and finally L had enough. He essentially told me it was a "him or me" kind of deal, that he'd be happy to stay my friend, but if I didn't want to be with him and him alone, we were no longer going to have that kind of relationship. I still didn't choose, because I couldn't, and I let L walk away. I had to, because at that point I realized I was in love with J.
L and I stopped seeing each other. Then, a week before J moved to St Louis, he broke up with me. I didn't take the news well. It sent me into a downward spiral that took me almost a year to get out of.
Not long after J broke up with me, I tried to get in touch with L. Both his home and his cell numbers were out of service. He had been in the process of moving when we started stopped each other, and I wasn't 100% sure where his new place was. I sent him a few emails, which he never returned. To this day, I don't know if he just did a bang up job of making sure I couldn't contact him, or if he really did drop off the face of the earth.
I wouldn't say this was my greatest regret. I've been through a hell of a lot worse. But he
was an opportunity that I let slip by. There's no way of knowing if it would have worked out (and indeed, even if I had chosen L it could have ended just as badly, and I might find myself wondering what might have been with J instead), but since he vanished so completely from my life, I just sometimes wonder what would have happened if I'd chosen him.
J and I have mended the fence, and we're really good friends now. To this day, I have no idea what happened to L.
I'm not sure if this was actually
greatest opportunity, but this is where my mind went when I was asked the question.
And no, I didn't make this long and rambling simply to try and one-up iflit.
"How do you like THAT 'misanthropic panache,' Mr. Goldstone?" - PalJoey
