My Nephew Came Out (Need Guidance)- Page 3

[Liza's Headband]

Posted: 7/25/13 at 4:49pm

Three cheers for Sue, who ruined this (very) personal thread. Thanks a lot.

[suestorm]

Posted: 7/25/13 at 4:50pm

you should thank me, most werent buying your story.

[CarlosAlberto]

Posted: 7/25/13 at 5:25pm

Its always about you sue isnt it? You peeps are driving me to drink...im going to Boxers

[CarlosAlberto]

Posted: 7/25/13 at 5:25pm

Its always about you sue isnt it? You peeps are driving me to drink...im going to Boxers

[EricMontreal22]

Posted: 7/26/13 at 2:59pm

I'm confused--here I thought I had responsible parents, and yet when I was 12-14 I travelled have a dozen times on my own between Van and London...

[SNAFU]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 1:32am

I was allowed to travel alone from about 12 on. Then again I grew up on Long Island in the 60's 70's. It was commonplace for kids to hitchhike then. Not in today's world however.

[Brave Sir Robin2]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 2:53am

Headband, when you mean you didn't have a "coming out" talk, do you mean you never really announced it? I haven't really announced it (except for to my parents) and I am open with my sexuality amongst most people.

[MusicalTheatreGeek2]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 4:51am

When I was 13 I didn't because my brother was always around but by 14 I was regularly getting the train into London on my own, just because you hear stories about it every now and then, it doesn't mean every child is stolen!

And Liza, your nephew is very lucky to have you! I can't imagine how much it must help to have someone who you know will support you, because even those who obviously would support you, doubt creeps in as you grow more and more nervous about telling people!

[iluvtheatertrash]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 6:30am

I can't offer any advice better than anyone else here can, but:

JustAGuy, I am lucky enough to be able to regularly direct an incredible young man... He is so responsible and talented. He travels in from Long Island to NYC and to rehearsals every night on his own. Age? 14.

He's an amazing kid, like Liza's nephew.

Some parents are blessed with those kind of children. And they trust them. And they let them grow up.

[JustAGuy]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 2:20pm

The difference being those parents are not sending their child to someone they don't communicate with and who they are estranged from.

I still question the veracity of this story. There are certain things that do not ring true to me. The traveling alone was the least of it. Would your parents let you go visit an aunt or uncle that they don't speak to? And it's not as if this just started happening at age 13, if you read the post you'll see that they've ben estranged for a number of years. Yet...somehow this child is/was allowed to freely visit on his own. With barely any communication between the parents and the relatives.

" I have not interacted with them in years and I only speak to my sister when I absolutely must."

This does not sound like a relationship where the sister would just drop off the child for a visit. Especially if the husband is homophobic.

It's simply my perception. Nothing more.

Updated On: 7/28/13 at 02:20 PM

[EricMontreal22]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 2:34pm

JustAGuy that's a good point--it does seem weird to allow your kids to travel to see someone you don't talk to. Ok, beyond weird.

I have had no doubts as to if Liza's Headband was legit or not before--but my question as to if this post is legit is--why bother asking it if it's not? Maybe that's naïve when we have posters who seem oblivious to the site and think people want to read bizarre lyrics, though...

[all that jazz]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 2:34pm

But why would someone make up something like this? He's certainly not gaining anything except for valuable and very specific advice which would be useless to him if he wasn't actually going through that situation.

And he did specify that his mother sometimes drops him off as well , so I would assume she used to drop him off all the time until he was old enough to ride the train by himself.

[EricMontreal22]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 2:40pm

At the end of the road--I think some really good advice has been given here, and it kinda doesn't matter.

[JustAGuy]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 2:47pm

I suppose for the same reason that anyone makes something up. To see if they can convincingly pass off something false as something true. It happens all the time.

Whether the information received is of any value, wouldn't really matter. I think what matters to the person who made up the story is being able to pass it off as believable.

I didn't believe it. If I'm wrong...I'm wrong. There is no way for me to prove it either way. I simply voiced my opinion, based on my own perceptions. There are obviously others here who totally buy it. I just don't happen to be one of them.

[all that jazz]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 2:49pm

I agree with Eric. Some very good advice indeed.

[EricMontreal22]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 3:17pm

JustAGuy I agree with you--except:

"Whether the information received is of any value, wouldn't really matter. I think what matters to the person who made up the story is being able to pass it off as believable."

It *does* matter. But not ultimately, I think.

[JustAGuy]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 3:40pm

Yes, looking at the big picture, having information matters. But not necessarily to the person who's fabricating the story. Because we all make decisions based on the information at hand, and if someone else found good information from the responses...then indeed that information does matter. But, I'm not sure when creating a story, if receiving information from those questioned, matters to the person who's creating the story, or if having the story believed is what matters to the storyteller.

If I created a story asking for advice on how to help my young nephew tell his parents that he wants to begin hormone therapy so that he can have gender reassignment surgery, to me it would be more important that you believe I actually have a nephew, who wants to have this surgery...rather than the information/advice you may give to me about how to tell his parents. Since in truth...neither the nephew or his parents exists.

[SNAFU]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 3:49pm

Hmmm . wouldn't a nephew who was struggling with being Gay and trying to break the news to his parents reach out to a family member who he knows is gay? Even if that relative not necessarily be close with his parents? I think if I were in that position I would.

[JustAGuy]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 4:23pm

Funny, SNAFU if I were in that position, I think I would do exactly the opposite. I wouldn't tell a family member who did not have a good relationship with my parents, gay or not. When I came out..,my family and close relatives were the last to know.

Perhaps I shouldn't say "know"...they were the last to have their suspicions confirmed.

[SNAFU]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 4:29pm

But did were you aware that any of them were in a committed Gay relationship?

[JustAGuy]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 4:54pm

I knew that I had a gay older cousin. We're talking the 1970's here. So, openly gay couples living in committed relationships were few and far between. But, it never occured to me to go to him for advice.

Updated On: 7/28/13 at 04:54 PM

[SNAFU]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 7:54pm

The 70's were a lot different then 2013. Just saying I don't find this that unbelievable is all.

[Liza's Headband]

Posted: 7/28/13 at 11:27pm

As I previously stated, there are those who will make their own choices about believing (or not believing) what they read. Some choose to doubt and question because they are looking for an easy target to bully -- not you, JustAGuy -- or perhaps because they are just weary of personal stories on anonymous message boards and NEED proof, which is completely fair and logical.

That being said, I couldn't give you what you need unless I posted his personal information, which I would never do. But I'm not sure what I would gain by fabricating a story. You cannot please everyone and JustAGuy has every right to be skeptical, if that's what he/she chooses to do. My issue wasn't that two or three posters were trying to disprove something. My issue was that you were using the fact that I mentioned he has traveled alone a FEW times in his life, from Long Island to New York, as the 'smoking gun.' I grew up in New Jersey and I have family in LI and CT right now. It's a just a fact of life that 12 and 13 year-olds are traveling alone into the City. There is absolutely nothing abnormal about it.

Anyway, I also don't see that whole aspect as a huge deal. I think the bigger deal here is that I received so many incredible responses from complete strangers. It says a lot about the BroadwayWorld community and for that I thank you all. As I mentioned in a previous post, I look forward to taking action this week upon their return from vacation. Have been doing a lot of reflection thanks to your responses.

[ClydeBarrow]

Posted: 7/29/13 at 12:15am

I've been reading this thread on and off but haven't commented because I don't have much to add. My coming out wasn't really something that was an issue. My mom asked me if I was gay when I was 16 and I admitted it. I wish I could impart some wisdom about the difficulties and tips on how to handle it.

What I do want to comment on is everyone being so nasty to the Headband. You guys really seem to be grasping at straws. Most people are so full of sh!t here that it must just make everyone so crazy that a person can be genuine.

And it's not your child. If it were then you could have some say in whether or not he was...

[bwayphreak234]

Posted: 7/29/13 at 3:40am

Hello Liza's Headband,

I can relate to your dilemma. I am a 21 year old gay man myself. I actually just "came out" about a year ago. By coming out, I mean I finally just stopped hiding who I was, and I was open with my friends about who I really was. I didn't gather everyone around and just tell them I was gay. My parents knew I was gay before I even told them. I told them a couple years before I became open with everyone else about it. I am lucky enough to have the most incredible and supportive parents ever. My father never gave me a hard time for playing with barbies and playing dress up when I was little. Both of my parents just let me be myself growing up. My parents are 110% supportive of me, and for that I am truly grateful.

I went to Catholic school growing up, so I was never able to truly be myself in middle school and high school. Once I got to college, I realized I had nothing to hide, and I no longer had to endure sitting in a classroom being told my lifestyle was a sin. After my freshman year of college, I just slowly told my friends when the time was right. I was embraced by each and every one of them. I was worried about the reactions I would get from some of them, but all of them supported me. Even my grandma (who is an ignorant Republican Bible thumper), told me that she loves me no matter what, and has known for a while.

I guess my whole point of sharing this with you is that I was once in your nephew's shoes. It's a difficult thing to be ready to be open about who you truly are. You know that time has arrived, but once you share the truth with your family and friends, there is no going back, and you really can't predict what people how people will react. Your nephew asking you to be there is a huge compliment, and he obviously really trusts you which is great. You can prepare him just by letting him know that he can't change how others will react. Those that really love him will understand and embrace him for who he is.

I would definitely talk things through with your sister as best you can before talking with her with your nephew just so there's no extra drama or tension lingering there. I can understand how difficult that must be. I can't even imagine what I would do if my brother dated or married a homophobe. I think it is great that you are able to be there for your nephew, and it sounds like you are a great person that he needs in his life.