Hmmm...I've been debating posting this or not...since I have no problem doing so, I'm a very open person...just reminding everyone there are ups and downs and good comes w/ bad.
First off, I don't live in NYC. I live in the suburbs. Even last year, I'd go down on occassion, 2 shows a month the most ever. Usually had to go w/ my mom to drive me, though maybe if I was with a friend we'd take a train/bus. Just a bit of background...
I started college this year. Attended George Washington Univ. in DC. Now I'm though I didn't realize it at the time, pretty much you can call me an overachiever. I was valedictorian, worked as hard as I do to do well, though in HS fortunately it was never that much. Figured I'd hafta work harder in college. Had normal apprehensions about college-doing all my own things, getting along, making friends, etc. But for like 6 weeks, everything was amazing! I was close w/ everyone in my suite, had some close really good friends, was finally doing my own laundry, and did work harder but was doing well in classes...98.5 on psych test, 108 on physics test, 101 on philosophy test, couple 100s on paper, one 86 on a paper...eww but everytime I talked to anyone it was all I love it here!
This attitude was maintained through parents weekend, where my family came up and it was a wonderful weekend, I missed them. I didn't come home for Rosh Hashanah and was kind of upset. When they left, things started going downhill. Being the overachiever I am, I had to take 18 credits, in the honors program, and worked 12 hours a week at the library. Also did my schedule stuipdly, split up myclasses enough so for the most part aside from an hour break here and there everyday I was basically busy from like 8 in the morning till 6:30, giving me much less time to get work done. Soon I started having an 8-10 page paper and 3 papers and tests all in like 2 weeks and I started really losing it, I started getting terrified that there was no way I could get it done, I had trouble sleeping,when I tried to do work I couldn't b/c all I'd think of was I couldn't get it done.
Eventually I was screaming in the shower. My suitemates/friends did everything they could to me, arranged me to talk to a GW counselor, but it was too late. I ended up at the GW hosptial psych ward, stayed there, still convinced I was staying, I mean I loved it there, I didn't wanna leave. My dad came down and then my care was given to him. My mom was gonna meet us over the weekend to see how I was doing. I was decent I left the hospital, felt like I could handle more, that I could stay. The whole 2 days my dad kept asking if I wanted to stay and I said yes. I went to a class and almost lost it, my dad realized he had to take me home. I've been home ever since. That class I had over the summer was the first class I took since.
Things were pretty awful when i got home. I had been fighting it for soo long, that I just hit rock bottom, I spent lots of hours in the day crying, especially the morning, I needed to hug someone constantly. It was a pretty bad time. To help matters, my dog died a week after I came home, I was pretty pissed at god or power or whoever.
Actually, the first time I felt a bit better was when my friend in the city suggest we see a show, she took the day off from classes(the only one she took all year) to spend the day w/ me and we saw the Producers. Around this time I also discovered BWW due to buzz about the Rent movie. Lurked quite a bit, you can see my joining date matches around the time this happened.
I get a bit better as time passed. In December, my best friend's brother was killed in a car crash and she came home...I lived with her for a week. some friends came down over the weekend and for the funeral, but they had to go back to college, I and her mom was very glad I was home for her. It was tough as well, but I had to be strong nd put aside my own issues. I still can't get over how amazingly she handled that. So then we hang a bunch and then my friends came home and I saw them and started feeling a bit better.
In late January, my sister took me to California, that's the first time I'd say I had a good time and was pretty happy for a while. Things have just grown since there. I got more involved w/ BWW and broadway, started talking to more BWWers, started seeing more shows, started meeting some BWWers, etc.
So let's give a bit of a breakdown of stuff since the breakdown happened...I've gone to see a show, as in any show, including like 6 times for DRS so you know what I mean, 44 times. I've seen...28 different shows. At the point where I know/gotten hugs from Greg, Matt Morrison, Jenn Gambetese. Went down to the rent set for a night and briefly met Idina and Anthony. Went to the stars in the alley concert, broadway under the stars, rent in bryant park, lotsa softball games, managed DRS, went 2 great broadway-related events at the Kennedy Center, went backstage of DRS, will soon be going backstage of ASU. Also made lotsa great and close BWW freinds.
That all being said, it has been an amazing year, when I think of the above paragraph. I can't believe how many shows I've seen how many amazing oppertunities I've had, my psychiatrist and therapist were stunned by how great I ended up being. They said most ppl even if they do feel better get really bored after months of being home w/ nothing to do and eventually look forward to school. I hated the idea of taking a class b/c my days of freedom were so awesome. There were days I would jump around saying I love my love, and think about that at shock, considering what happened.
In conclusion, the only reason any of this amazing stuff happened was becasue of the breakdown--otherwise I would have spent the year at GW, seeing maybe 1, 2 shows in that timespan? Never have discovered BWW, or gone to any of the above events, or met anyone or anything. If I really think about it, can I say I'm a little happy this all happened? Probably. But the good did come out of the bad, and only b/c I was able to fight the depression and make good out of bad. So..I'm not sure what my point is exactly...not quite don't be jealous but...if you see me as someone who's just lucky to get to see Greg so many times and do all this stuff...I mean I suppose there was some luck involved, but it certainly isn't lalala everything else in my life is wonderful and I get all this. it was a long battle, and I'm still pretty scared for the fall, spending a year at comm. college. I made some great life-long friends at GW I'm pretty pleased with.
In short...it's been an interesting year. Not sure if I really have a point, but...well...kinda felt like sharing. Like I said we all have our ups and downs, and I wouldn't doubt most of you have had worse things happen than that, but just b/c that one was so directly related to everythign good that came out of it, felt like sharing.
Wow between a bunch of things, today has been a dramatic/emotional day. Well city day yesterday and beach day tomorrow, guess I could live with one day like this.
"If there was a Mount Rushmore for Broadway scores, "West Side Story" would be front and center. It snaps, it crackles it pops! It surges with a roar, its energy and sheer life undiminished by the years" - NYPost reviewer Elisabeth Vincentelli
Updated On: 8/18/05 at 06:56 PM
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