The NYT has assembled a narrative of Philip Seymour Hoffman's 'last days'. It is, by turns, interesting and heart-breaking. It includes this:
"At Sundance, a magazine publisher who did not immediately recognize him asked him what he did. Mr. Hoffman replied, “I’m a heroin addict.”
While it is pure hearsay, it rings so true to me. I can think of so many times during my years as a highly(ish)-functional addict when people would ask what I "did" and my spontaneous and immediate thought would be "I do crystal, how about you?"
It always made me smile to myself because even I could recognize that it was A)True B)Grotesque and C)that the impulse to say it was the proverbial "cry for help". If he did say it, it strikes me the same way: true, grotesque and a desperate cry for help.
I thought long and hard about Jordan's comment that it was "a shame he couldn't get the help he needed in time". Obviously he COULD get help--he had access to every kind of help there is. But it's true--he didn't find the type of help that he NEEDED--and we can't ever know what form that would have taken.
I keep thinking, too, of something said to me at the funeral of a friend who committed suicide: "Mental Illness is a disease, and sometimes it's a fatal one." We don't blame ourselves for not being able to "save" people who die of Cancer, nor do we blame Cancer's victims.
We need to learn to give the same absolution in situations like this.
Link to NYT article
You think, what do you want?
You think, make a decision...
Updated On: 2/6/14 at 11:18 AM