Stupid Customers You've Had? — Page 2

Back in the Dark Ages, I used to work for this annual report mill, a design firm that handled upwards to 350-400 annual reports a year (This was before computer-set typography, BTW). One of our major clients was General Foods, the mega-company that owned such lines as Chiquita Bananas and a few other household names. They were celebrating a major anniversary and went all out with this three-volumn, slip-cased report that cost *serious* money to produce.

When the first ones came back from the printer, we were asked to be there when it was presented to the CEO. It's taken to his office and put on his desk with much fanfare. He takes the first volume out of the slip case, opens it to the front pages, then says, slowly: "You have used green on this. My wife just painted the den green. I hate green." And with that, he closes it, puts it back in the slipcae, shoves it across the desk, and turns his chair with his back to us.

We're all standing there like idiots because no one's quite sure what to do at this point. After all, the company logo colour just happens to be green. But the whole thing was pulled, reset, reprinted and rebound at hideous expense, all because this nimrod's wife had painted the den green.

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My favorites from when I was a barista:

One morning, our shipment of skim milk didn't come. It was our supplier's fault, but we were out of skim. For every order for a skim or fat-free drink, we had to patiently explain that we were out of skim, but would be happy to make a regular or soy drink. One ditzy-looking gal in a sorority sweatshirt threw a FIT that we didn't have a fat-free option that morning. I could tell from her rant that she wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, so I smiled sweetly and told her I'd be happy to make her drink with half-and-half, if she liked. She considered it a moment, turned to her equally clueless friend: "So, that would be, like, half the fat, right?" "Yah, I think so." I silently made her iced mocha with half-and-half. Evil, I know.
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When I made caramel macchiatos, I would get creative with the caramel sauce; instead of just making a few sloppy circles on top of the foam, I would make a five-pointed star. I had one woman FLIP OUT because I had put a "pagan symbol" in her coffee.

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I photograph large events on occasion. Mainly debutante balls, meaning you are not only at the mercy of the COMMITTEES but the Debs themselves.

So I deal with MANY of the

"these are the backdrops?"
"Yes, this is what the committee requested"
"well, can you change it? I don't like roses"

Gee, there's 15 photographers, 15 setups, and you expect me to go and drag out a different background and new flowers with 200 other debutantes to shoot? I don't think so.

However, my favorite is when I get asked to go get people a drink.

I'm standing there, TAKING pictures, and I'm supposed to get you a margarita? Get real.

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OMG! These are hilarious!

I've worked in fast-food and coffee...and I've had some real situations.

I REALLY love trying to read people's minds. I work as a barista mostly, and lately, this happens at least 10 times a shift:

"Hi, I'd like a skinny soy, no froth, extra shot caramel, half-strength."

We serve 12 styles of coffee, not including our iced range, our frappe range and our varieties of teas, chai and hot chocolate. And, I can't enter ANY of that into the register until they tell me what size and what style that is.

"So, is that a regular cappucino with...?"

They look at me like I'm brainless just because I didn't immediately realise that that would be a tall latte or flat white or god-knows-what-weird-name they've invented for a coffee.

So then I'll make it, and they'll come right back.

"I wanted this extra hot!"

To which I explain our store policy about heating milk, stating that we are not allowed to burn the milk, which happens at 75 degrees celcius (no idea what that is in farenheit), while we regularly heat ours to 65 (and we're not allowed to serve it less than 60).

"I just want it hot."

"So is 75 degrees ok?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

Ugh...I love trying to have this conversation when I'm the only person taking orders, making and serving coffee, with 15 customers out the door.

And then they complain that it took 5 minutes to make their coffee! Some people!

At least I love making coffee...and love chatting to the friendly people that come in. But my day certainly gets its fair share of morons

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All that aside...I know I've had my stupid customer moments when I've been in different shops. Everyone's human, and I guess it's forgiveable that people confuse their coffee slang!

Milk burns between 180 and 200 degrees farenhiet "officially", it really starts to turn at about 170, just FYI.

At Peet's, we have frappacinos, but they are called "Freddo" instead. And a lot of people will order it fat-free, but still take Whipped Cream on top...

The other favorite is we have Vanilla Soy as well as Plain Soy. It's always fun to watch the new people make a soy latte with a shot of vanilla.

I was the morning opener last summer, and we open at 6 am. I get my till at about 5:50, count it, and open usually a few minutes early. At barely 6:02, this guy walks in and wants 120 dollars cash back off his debit card. Fortunately in the morning, if I see them swipe I ask if they are getting cahs back and for how much. When I tell him that I don't have that in my drawer to give to him, he gets angry, rants, tells me I'm just stupid, and storms out WITHOUT his debit card. Now, at this time of the morning, other than the people in the kitchen doing breakfast, it's just me. I'm the only open register on the Food Service side. I *Can't* leave unless a manager comes over and stays with the till. So, I call after him to no avail. Being nice I take the debit card, set it on the counter next to our baked goods and a little behind so it's not easily taken, and put a Post-It on it, so that if I am gone when he returns, the person who gets here at 7 would know. Ten minutes later one of the CSMs walks around and asks me, very calmly and trying not to laugh, if I have stolen a debit card after refusing service to a customer. *headdesk*

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According to google, 170 fahrenheit is 76 degrees celcius, so that's exactly what our store policy covers, husk. :)

Behind_the_Spotlight, I can be your hero.

The thing that floors me is that she couldn't taste the difference!

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I had a father and son come in and return a video in the children's room of the library. There was a $20 fine on the card that took out the video. On top of it, there were excessive fines on other cards under this family. When I told them this, they were shocked and said "They didn't know it was due." Okay, dumb on their part. First of all, we always remind patrons when something is due. Second, if we forgot, it's printed on a card (that is hard to miss with videos). Third, if you honestly don't know when something is due, why can't you take the responsibility of calling the library to find out? We do as much as we can to make sure the patron knows when the items are due, so we can't take 100% responsibility all the time when they return something late. Besides, it was pretty hard to believe this family since they had a history of returning stuff late.

I've also had the most bitchy mothers in the children's room who would completely look down on me just because I was in high school and who would ask to speak to the director or someone else when I was trying to enforce certain policies. Then whoever was in charge would agree with the customer and make me look stupid. These mothers (one who I have particularly in mind) would even sometimes knew someone I worked with, so they automatically thought they didn't have to follow certain policies. I once had a lady who just plopped herself down at one of the children's computers to use the Internet, after our library updated a strict policy that those computers were for CHILDREN ONLY. I told her this, and she said "They let me do this all the time." I told someone about it, and apparently it was someone who worked for the city so I guess they're the ones who are able to get away with everything. Then this city worker has the nerve to say, "That's okay, she didn't know." I did know, you stupid b*tch. I was only trying to follow policy.

Then there are super nice people (this one lady with 3 homeschooled girls that I remember) that make me happy I had this job in the first place. Thank goodness for sane people in this world.

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A woman caled our theatee to find out what show was playing. I informed her we were presentingthe musical "Dear World" by Jerry Herman. She asked, "Is that D-E-A-R or D-E-E-R?"

I imagine "Deer World" as a musical set in the North Woods of Wisconsin...

Ah Jane2, the wonderful people who come to the Theatre. The were these two ladies today who pushed their way through all the patrons and tried to sweep past the ticket taker. When she stopped the they proclaimed, "We already have our tickets!"

It's always on the tip of my tongue to say to any of these people, "First time at the theater?" but I always stop myself. But, one of these days...

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Matt,

SAY IT! God these people are dumb.

I ushered last week for fun, and I can't tell you how many people walked up to me and asked where the Box Office was at. With the biggest smile I could produce, I would juat say, "It's that building you just walked past. You know, the one that says 'BOX OFFICE' all over it in 4 foot tall letters?!"

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I work at a small privately owned bakery on Long Island in a pretty stuck up part of town and this one woman comes in on a very busy day:

Me: "Hi, can I help you?"
Her: "Uhm, I want 2 eggs overeasy. And, she (pointing to her daughter) wants a scrambled egg with bacon on a toasted poppy seed bagel."
Me: "I'm sorry ma'am, we don't serve eggs, we're a bakery."
Her: "Oh, well then... *taking about 10 minutes to decide what she wanted) I want this (pointing to a small tart in a tin) heated up."
Me: "I'm sorry, I can't heat that up for you ma'am. Its surrounded by alluminum."
Her: "So? Why can't you heat it up? I'm the customer, you should do what I need you to!"

When was the last time you were at a bakery and they made you eggs? We're not freakin Dunkin Donuts, lady. Oh, and of course I don't see why I can't microwave alluminum. I really don't mind blowing up the entire bakery. Wow. Some people.