The Late Joan Rivers: 'Does this urn make my ash look fat?' — Page 25

I'm wearing a Jos. A. Banks suit with a Thomas Pink tie.

The suit is not haute couture, but she once called me a cheapskate, so it's appropriate. (I think the tie cost more than the suit.)

And in answer to A Director's questions: Yes, I am Jewish. No., I'm not a family member, and what's been happening since Joan went into the hospital is what Elisabeth Kubler-Ross referred to as "Anticipatory Grief." Google it.

May her name be for a blessing--and may her funeral be as glamorous as she wished: "with lights, cameras, action" and Craft services.

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When my friend Marjorie Gross(comedian/writer/Seinfeld producer) died the family had sushi instead of lox. I remember thinking- that the salmon was not even smoked! I expect it that is the Hollywood way!

No Meryl and no Craft Services, but it was otherwise perfect., I posted the program and some details in the thread on the Main Board.

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Melissa is receiving in Los Angeles on Thursday and Friday, so i think it's a very reform shiva.

I'll tell this story in this thread and not on the Main Board because it's too risque for the children.

This is how Howard Stern began the eulogies. He came out, stood at the rabbi's lectern and said:

JOAN RIVERS HAD A VERY DRY VAGINA.

He then went on to describe a routine she did on his radio show, saying that her vagina was so dry, she couldn't take a bath, because her dry vagina would suck up all the water in the bathtub.

Like a giant sponge.

Going WHOOOOOOOOOSH!

And then Howard said, "Any other comedian would have stopped there, but not Joan. She was relentless, she always went for one more punchline, the one that went too far for some people. And so Joan added:

"If Whitney Houston had had a vagina as dry as mine, that girl would still be alive today!"

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Keep your fork Joan!

I just read this story and loved it!

JOAN: Keep your fork. It’s an old Shalom Aleichem story. Don’t you know it? A young woman was dying of cancer and she turned to her Rabbi and said, “Rabbi, when I die, bury me with a fork in one hand. Whenever my family was at home eating dinner and they came to clear off the main course, my grandmother, who survived six pogroms, said, ‘No, no, children. Give me your plates, but keep your forks. You haven’t had dessert yet. The best is yet to come. I think that’s so wonderful. Keep your fork. The best is yet to come."

Actually many of her jokes ended up with her pretending to put her finger down her throat and gagging. Karma?

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How soon was too soon for Whitney Houston jokes?

I should preface this by pointing out that I realize this is not my thread and everything I will post is based on nothing more than my feelings and that my feelings are all wrong. Having said that, as Rob Sheffield's appreciation reminded readers in Rolling Stone, three days after Whitney died Joan said Whitney looked great at the Grammys, "in mahogany from head to toe". Now we realize how much Joan was projecting, because according to one of the umpteen million inescapable clips of the street scene outside of Joan's funeral, Joan chose a mahogany casket.

But you know, it's FINE what she said about Whitney. Everything was just FINE. Joan cured AIDS with comedy. And SNAFU, you're right. I saw a clip of Joan from a couple decades ago and she talked about Yoko Ono and then stuck her finger down her throat and made retching noises. I wanted to punch the screen because she was specifically talking about Yoko's looks (although I realize this was wrong of me to feel because everything Joan said was FINE and helpful to gay people so I have no right to feel the way I feel), but as you point out, SNAFU, irony got the last gag.

Oh, and as for Yoko and Joan. One of that pair has been a feminist her whole life. The other was not. The one who is a feminist ALWAYS had the eyes of an Asian woman, her entire life.

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Updated On: 9/8/14 at 08:48 PM

lol

"The one who is a feminist ALWAYS had the eyes of an Asian woman, her entire life."

^
Love!

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FINE.

Really tho.

Jes Fin.

Updated On: 9/8/14 at 09:07 PM

Ah yes but have expiated your feelings and sought redemption? Then U R still A sinnAH!

Well, Henry II walked barefoot in sackcloth and ashes to Canterbury and endorsed the monks to flog him and that was for the mere death of an Archbishop of Canterbury not reviling the memory
of an elderly comic Jewess on a Broadway interweb forum.

Just saying.
Fine.