"Dick- a - Dick - a - Dick-a- Dick-a-Dick"

Whenever you hear a dirty Cole Porter lyric, there is no doubt that it was put there on purpose. He was a dirty bird. Listen to "Out of This World" if you want to hear some really dirty lyrics.

Tom, Dick, or Harry is one of my favorite showtunes ever! I'm putting it on now!

Updated On: 9/10/05 at 07:10 PM

No one historically was willing to own up to writing the extra dirty verse to "You're the Top." I can't believe it was Irving Berlin. But it's damn funny, whoever wrote it.

You're the top!
You're Miss Pinkham's tonic
You're the top!
You're a high colonic
You're the burning heat
Of a bridal suite in use
You're the breasts of Venus
You're King Kong's penis
You're self-abuse!
You're an arch
In the Rome collection
You're the starch
In a groom's erection
I'm a eunuch who
Has just been through an op
But if, baby, I'm the bottom
You're the top!

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I directed KISS ME, KATE for a Catholic High School, where the musical director was a nun who looked like Miss Hathaway on THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES. I had to water down some of those wonderful lyrics to satisfy the nun. The "Always True" lyric became "When those checks appear I know TEX is here to stay."

However that same nun never flinched when I had Lois Lane walk out into the audience and sit on a man's lap during the encore of that same song! (The girl made sure it was her father every night)

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Didn't Noel Coward write some additional risque verses to Cole Porter songs?

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The "dick" thing is totally intentional, as is "If baby I'm the bottom, you're the top" in "You're the Top" in "Anything Goes."

it is MUSICAL theatre.....



What, so that means Cole Porter isn't allowed to write dirty lyrics?

Listen to his songs again. A lot of them are very risque. I think when Kiss Me Kate first premiered many people refused to play 'Too Darn Hot' on the radio because it was so dirty. He was really the... eh... [insert name of modern rapper/rock band who pushes the envelope HERE] of his day.

But with more rousing tap numbers, of course.

Don't forget, KISS ME KATE was filmed in 3-D!

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If you want some "dirty" lyrics, try "Bewitched,Bothered and Bewildered"

"I'll sing to him Each spring to him
And worship the trousers that cling to him
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

When he talks he is seeking Words to get off his chest.
Horizontally speaking He's at his very best.

Vexed again Perplexed again
Thank God I can't be oversexed again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I"

Updated On: 9/12/05 at 10:30 AM

A sample of Cole's lyrics from the song "Vite! Vite! Vite!" from the musical "Leave It to Me!"

"I lost my hatbox
I lost my sables
I los my suitcase
The one with the beautiful labels

I lost my traveler's checks
Only this afternoon
I still have my virgini-ti
But I'm hoping to lose it soon!"

To this day I STILL can't figure out how he got away with that in a 1938 musical!

...That and the song "My Heart Belongs to Daddy"!

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Updated On: 9/12/05 at 03:56 PM

I do recall when reading the last Cole Porter biography that was published a few years ago just how perverse the man could be. This was best illustrated in the origin of the song "Love For Sale" from the 1930 Broadway show "The New Yorkers". According to the author, the song was first performed in an out of town preview by a young girl in school uniform, anklets and Maryjane shoes. From the mouth of this young child came the lyrics...

"Love for sale, appetizing young love for sale, love that's fresh and still unspoiled, love that's only slightly soiled, love for sale...Who will buy? Who would like to sample my supply? Who's prepared to pay the price? For a trip to paradise. LOVE FOR SALE!

Needless to say, Porter couldn't pull this one off and by the time the show opened in New York, the song was instead sung by British singer Elizabeth Welch who was well into her twenties with the character now portrayed as a prostitute instead of an adolescent school girl. Yep, Cole Porter was one sick pup at times.

God, that man was so witty. I saw KMK when I was quite young and listened to it again-especially, Always True - and I heard it again and it is just brilliant innuendo after brilliant innuendo! "When he lies on the floor I let him lay..." "When the priest goes to far east", "He likes to give my cheek a pat". And to think I thought that was innocent! Porter was naughty, but kind of ingenius when you think about it.

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Believe it or not my favorite rendition of "Love For Sale" is by the Manhattan Transfer. Not especially a fan of the group, the arrangement used is one of the best I've heard. True to popular recordings of the period, the song is first played throughout as an instrumental with the group's vocals entering halfway through the song. If you ever have the chance, give it a listen.