To iamironflan I don't know the answer to your first question, but I know that in the 5/4 part she says "Couldn't you just write Carousel?" But I loved the Spring Awakening skit, and the Doubt, Yoko Ono, and Light in the Piazza ones are great!
Krsitin: Uudeeennaa, listen to me! We can still be friends, just hand over the Tony to ME! I mean, Stephen Schwartz could use that Tony, as he's never won before, you could save a starving writer!
Idina: I know.
Kristin: Trust my wisdom!
Idina: I don't want to anymore!
Hunter: Your teeth need whitening./ Heidi: You sound weird./ Jeff: You taste funny.
-Jeff Bowen's worst onstage line flub.
"Who, every night, must play a stuck-up Tevye Like he's doing Chekhov at the Odyssey, and who, every night, must underplay disdain while killing all the comedy? MOLINAAAAAAA! MOLINA! HAAAAAA! HAAAAA! MOLINA!" --Fiddler with No Jew
"If you wanna send 'em, play a philodendron!" --You Gotta Get a Puppet
"You stand there like a dummy, but the ratings soar, Then I sing a Dolly tune, and ratings hit the floor!" --Welcome to the Tonys
"Some people sing, some people dance, some people act-- I do HELLO DOLLY!" --Carol Channing sequence
"When I appeared in RAGTIME, he critiqued my role as 'deadly,' But I bounced back in KISS ME KATE and triumphed in this medley, But then I lost the Tony when he swooned for Heather Headley!" --I Hate Ben
And, for us musical directors alike, the whole song "I'm Sick of Playing Their Songs" gets us every time!
"How could she just suddenly, completely disappear into thin water?" - The Little Mermaid
I LOVE all the lyrics to "Bernadette Peters in Gypsy" as well. I am a huge BP fan and I thought they were hysterical and Jennifer Simmards who did the impersonation was absolutley brilliant!
If I had to choose my favorite lines:
"I had a dream, I'd play an adult...someday. and I'd start a cult..someday. But was it too soon? Should I kept my croon? and played Baby June?!"
(stops, then Yiddish-style dirge plays on piano) These Yiddish songs were taught to me by my mother in the mamaloshen. That means the native tongue. They are sweet, simple songs from a culture rich in tradition, and I have brought them here tonight to pummel them to death.
[overacting like hell, played extremely slow at first, then gradually accelerating to tempo] Dreidel? dreidel? dreidel-uhh? I made you out of clayyy? And when you?re dry and readyyy? Then dreidel we shall play Dreidel, dreidel, [yells] DREIDELLLLLLLLLL!!!!!
[?Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?] Super-frantic, hyperactive, self-indulgent Mandy When I get hysterical, the critics think I?m dandy When they cast a lunatic, I always come in handy Super-frantic, hyperactive, self-indulgent Mandy
Because I?m such an oddity, my mainstream days are through And since I left Chicago Hope, there?s nothing much to do And so I built a repertoire to please a Yiddish fan So Broadway, won?t you welcome back your mamaloshen man!
[faster] Super-frantic, hyperactive, self-indulgent Mandy Am I under medication, oversexed or randy? Pass around the matzo balls and Manischewitz brandy Super-frantic, hyperactive, self-indulgent Mandy
There?s nothing I like better than a lyrical stampede Gesticulating Sondheim always makes my fingers bleed And so to get the kudos and attention that I need I like to take a simple song and DOUBLE UP THE SPEED!
[so fast that the piano accompaniment becomes a little sloppy] Super-frantic, hyperactive, self-indulgent Mandy Music drives me crazier than ??? candy I can bark and wag my tail like Annie?s doggy Sandy! WHOO! Super-frantic, hyperactive, self-indulgent Mandy
C?mon Paul, take me home!
[the tempo builds to a haphazardly unattainable frenzy!] Super-frantic, hyperactive, self-indulgent Mandy If you eat while watching me, you?ll throw up all your candy! Alter kackers love it when I get all Holy Land-y! Super-frantic, hyperactive, self-indulgent Mandy Super-frantic, hyperactive, self-indulgent Mandyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!
"How could she just suddenly, completely disappear into thin water?" - The Little Mermaid