How many people can say they have been assaulted in the theatre?

I saw BKLYN The Musical. There can't be a worse kind of assault.

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At least half the cast of Spider Man.

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I was verbally insulted by 3 older (60s-70s) audience members who were talking about politics obnoxiously loud in my ear before The People In The Picture. One of them said he "didn't know why no one had yet to put a bullet in obamas head" (this was after a long conversation involving other ignorant political talk) and I turned around and went "are you ****ing kidding me?" and we got into a whole exchange where they proceeded to question my education and age and I was wearing my Everyday Rapture shirt which said I Am But A Speck Of Dust on the back to which one of the women said "your shirt describes you perfectly nothing but a speck of dust" I then picked up my things and turned around and said "You know what you can go **** yourself" and her equally obnoxious friend goes "how classy" and I said to her "you can join your friend in ****ing yourself" and walked away then told the usher and the house manager what happened and they agreed with me that they were totally out of place and reseated me.

and then I was verbally abused by the show itself....

Updated On: 2/28/12 at 07:59 PM

Meh. I had pork loins laid upon my leg for the duration of the first act of a London performance of Blood Brothers. The sow that insisted on laying them on me did not immediately get the bacon beat out of her due to the fact the portly pork was so piggy, I thought maybe it might've been an unfortunate case of chorizo overflow and spillage onto my side. I do not discriminate against the portly and I don't use such adjectives in describing anyone who exhibits general common sense and every day courtesy. Clearly, this piggy hadn't yet gone to market and I had to pay for it dearly.

I was to be dealt worse still. During the latter half of act one, she literary laid her hooves on my knee as she reclined herself, so round and stout, into the waiting lap of her boyfriend who fed her something from a straw that she audibly slurped LOUDLY. I angrily shook the ham off my knee as the act came to a close, but she did not react. I moved several rows down for the second act as the theatre was practically empty.

After the show, as I made my way down the crowded street to my nearby hotel, I was attacked randomly by a crazed transient and held by the throat for what seemed like ages, then released.

I win.

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Updated On: 2/28/12 at 11:23 PM

When does the trial start?

This is the best thread. Just the best.

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All of my senses were assulted when I went to see THE PIRATE QUEEN...

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I've been assaulted outside a theatre. A lady hit me with her cane because I was standing in front of one of the posted reviews she wanted to read. She just whacked me on the side moderately hard and pushed. Guess it was easier than just saying "Excuse me -- could you move over so I can read that?"

Jay, perhaps it was the same woman! :)

Gaveston, find solace in the fact that that matinee Lady is more than likely dead right now.

Thanks, SNAFU. I hadn't thought of that. Frankly, I assumed that anyone who would hit me for a free flower was probably already pretty unhappy.

Let's not forget Lincoln. (Assault is a lesser included crime to murder.)

I was propositioned in the lounge of the Booth theatre, but I suppose that's a whole other thread.

Evan Handler by the dearly departed Nicol Williamson in I Hate Hamlet.