Legends Review

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Posted: 10/13/06 at 2:20am

First review of Legends from the Toronto Star:

Divas can't avert disaster
RICHARD OUZOUNIAN
THEATRE CRITIC

When a play starts an 18-city tour, it's the responsibility of the critics in the first venue to offer everyone involved some constructive suggestions. Legends! (which officially opened to the media last night after four weeks of previews) is no exception.

So here's my advice, dudes: close it down and take the tax loss.

What we're talking about is a show that will never really get any better than it is right now, because the problem lies with the script itself. And since the author, James Kirkwood, died 17 years ago, there's not much chance of fixing it unless somebody has one hell of a Ouija board.

Legends! first went out on the road in 1986, starring Mary Martin and Carol Channing. It toured America for a year to reviews that universally railed about what an appalling script it was.

I have no idea why someone thought that just leaving it in a cellar for two decades would improve it. What works for fine burgundies doesn't do the same for featherweight comedies.

Obviously what led to attempting a resurrection of this theatrical corpse was the feeling that casting those two rivals from Dynasty, Joan Collins and Linda Evans, would make theatrical sparks fly.

Well, it doesn't and what winds up onstage is pretty soggy, thanks to the mildewed script and limp direction of John Bowab. Even the big cat fight between the ladies is a snoozy, offstage affair.

The fault isn't that of Collins and Evans. The material is the worst kind of showbiz cocktail: one shot of bitch, one shot of raunch, add a dash of sentiment and shake it, baby, till the cows come home.

Leatrice and Sylvia were once big movie stars. They were also bitter rivals. An ambitious young producer named Martin Klemmer thinks that dragging them out of retirement would make a hit show. His attempts to bring them together and their rediscovery of each other constitute the play.

Not a bad idea, but Kirkwood didn't really write it. He settles for freeze-dried repartee and artificial devices like having a male stripper from Chippendales bare his all, or letting three of his characters get stoned on hash brownies that just happen to be around.

It's all feeble stuff and the fact that the stripper (a cheerful Will Holman) got the biggest audience reaction of the evening says something about the quality of the writing.

Joan Collins plays, uh, Joan Collins. She does it very well. She's been doing it for a long time. Linda Evans, on the other hand, is a bit of a surprise. With a husky voice and a haughty air, she actually hints that something might be going on inside her character.

Tonye Patano is professional in the shopworn part of the cheeky black maid and Joe Farrell plays Klemmer like the dumber, charmless younger brother of Miles Silverberg from Murphy Brown.

At one point, the ladies are discussing why producers pick bad scripts. "I don't suppose," says one, "that people ever get together and say `Let's put on a steaming turd!'"

Well, until last night, I would have agreed with them.

[frontrowcentre2]

Posted: 10/13/06 at 3:15am

Yah, I was there last night as well and Richard pretty much nails it. The cast tries their best but this is a weak play. (My review wii be up on the Toronto board shortly.)

My suggestion - Take Kirkwood's DIARY OF A MAD PLAYWRIGHT and do THAN on stage!

[Link Larkin Wanabe]

Posted: 10/13/06 at 3:52am

Hah!

Tonight at the resteraunt I was serving a couple, and the wife mentioned that they were in a bit of a rush to go see a show.

Me: What show?
Her (sort of embaressed): Oh...some show "Legends"
Me: Oh! Joan Collins!
Her: I always wanted to get a Mirvish subscription...and the first time I do it sucks.

Akiva

[WithoutATrace]

Posted: 10/13/06 at 9:03am

So sad...I hope it doesn't close in Toronto because I would still like to see this in Philly on October 28th!

[DottieD'Luscia]

Posted: 10/13/06 at 11:28am

At least we know why we haven't heard anything about this until now. Though I'm surprised, since usually scathing news travels fast.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 10/13/06 at 11:33am

Wow. Didn't see this one coming. At ALL!

[uncageg]

Posted: 10/13/06 at 12:07pm

I have heard that the script is bad. it just popped up in our listing for next season here in Denver. I think I will still see it just for the heck of it.

[leefowler]

Posted: 10/13/06 at 1:10pm

James Kirkwood wrote a wonderful book about the original production, which I suspect is better than the play itself!