New BWW Rules Regarding Jan Maxwell

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 9:45am

1) No rude, offensive, untrue, libelous, damaging, etc. statements are to ever be made about Jan Maxwell.

2) Posters found in violation of Rule 1 shall be immediately banned from this site, all Broadway, Off-Broadway, Off-Off Broadway, Community, Regional (etc) Theaters and their man/womanhood immediately removed in a way that shall be determined by Miss Maxwell at a date convenient to her. Maxwell also reserves the right to perform this action herself, should she choose to.

3) In the event a Tony Award is presented to Jan Maxwell next week, all posters must from that date forward only refer to her as "Tony Award Winning Actress Jan Maxwell" until the time she wins a second Tony Award whereupon she shall be referred to as "Two Time Tony Award Winning Actress Jan Maxwell" and so on and so on, adding any major award she wins to her title as well.

4) Posters must recognize that Jan Maxwell can do no wrong and MUST recognize her for the immense talent she is and understand that should she choose to grace us with her presence again on stage she is doing us a favor and we shall never complain about any aspect of her performance, personal life, personal politics etc.

5) Jan Maxwell reserves the right to do anything she likes and still (with no exception) have your utmost respect, including but not limited to:
-Starting a master race
-Opening a Chik-Fil-A Franchise
-Creating her own religion based on a fictional cartoon character (of her choosing)
-Designing a super human capable of destroying dwarfs on sight
-Choosing to leave acting to become a Wal-Mart Greeter

Thank you to all and go see LEND ME A TENOR!

[wicked_beast4]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 10:09am

Jordan, you are amazing.

[Steve2]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 10:11am

But I just read in another (deleted) post, that she's such a diva because she wants to spend time with her family.
Updated On: 6/5/10 at 10:11 AM

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 10:13am

I'm sorry Steve2, but referring to her as a "Diva" (even if it mentions previous threads) is a clear violation of Rule 1.

Goodbye.

[yay_gerb]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 10:41am

they should give out a performer of the year award at the Tonys called "The Maxwell Honor"

[AC126748]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 11:00am

I heard that after LEND ME A TENOR closes, President Obama is sending Jan down to the Gulf Coast because he believes she is the only person with the intelligence and wisdom to sort out the oil spill miss. Jordan, can you confirm/deny?

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 11:05am

I can confirm she is in talks to play the role of "hole filler" down south, yes. However she (rightfully) is worried all that oil might be harmful to her radiant complexion which could harm her chances at future roles, so she unfortunately might have to decline.

[AC126748]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 11:10am

Well, that's smart of her. Any possible fall roles for Ms. Maxwell? How about:

--Diana in NEXT TO NORMAL
--Mrs Wilkinson in BILLY ELLIOT (I die at just the thought)
--Green Goblin in SPIDERMAN: TURN OFF THE DARK
--Anita in WEST SIDE STORY
--Troy Maxson in FENCES (a return engagement due to the success of the current revival)
--Smitty in H2$ (she and Daniel will become a sexual couple)
--Any role in WOMEN ON THE VERGE...

[theaterkid1015]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 12:09pm

I heard Four Time Tony Nominated Actress Jan Maxwell was in talks to replace Elaine Stritch and Bernadette Peters to cut down on costs.

[Steve2]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 3:29pm

I apologize for the above indiscretion. I will always remember her performance in "Chitty, Chitty Bang Bang" (which I saw twice by the way).

[TheatreFan4]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 3:37pm

Does Miss Maxwell keep these rules in her bag?

[bwaylvsong]

Posted: 6/5/10 at 4:27pm

She should produce and market a bag made specifically for holding Tony awards.

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 6/11/10 at 10:27pm

This thread apparently needs to be bumped.

[rosscoe(au)]

Posted: 6/12/10 at 1:03am

Who the frick is Jan Maxwell?

And why does she need a set of rules?

[bestfreakinshoes]

Posted: 6/12/10 at 1:33am

I'm in love with this thread.

[Mildred Plotka]

Posted: 6/12/10 at 1:37am

My love for Maxwell and this thread can both be found in her bag.

[munkustrap178]

Posted: 6/12/10 at 10:19am

I saw CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG 3 times because of her performance....brilliant.

[wonderwaiter]

Posted: 6/12/10 at 10:27am

Would someone be kind enough to PM me the backstory to the Jan Maxwell meme? I'm missing out.

[DryMartini]

Posted: 6/12/10 at 11:55am

After watching a Jan Maxwell performance, I noticed that my goiter was gone, my teeth were whiter and I no longer needed Lasik eye surgery.

[ErikInTheCity]

Posted: 6/12/10 at 4:03pm

This thread is amazing. But not as amazing as Four Time Tony Award Nominee Jan Maxwell. I fell in love with her in the revival of The Sound Of Music. That woman! Those legs! Perfection.

[aasjb4ever]

Posted: 6/12/10 at 4:19pm

In the event of a new car-bomber attempting to attack Times Square, Jan Maxwell will duck out of the nearest door, rip off her clothing (revealing her superhero costume), dismantle said bomb AND bomber all before you can say "Four Time Tony Award Nominee Jan Maxwell"

[AC126748]

Posted: 6/12/10 at 4:36pm

I'm told that Andy Cohen has approached Jan about possibly replacing the departing Bethenny Frankel on the next season of THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY. And you thought there was drama this season!

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 12/18/11 at 1:04am

It is obviously time to bump this thread.

[CurtainPullDowner]

Posted: 12/18/11 at 1:13am

She's too skinny. I'm gonna buy her a Times Square Hot Dog.

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 12/18/11 at 1:16am

Buying her gifts because you are concerned about her is perfectly acceptable.