Rent Abridged
Rent Abridged
Stand-by Joined: 2/2/07
Rent Abridged#1
Posted: 6/1/09 at 3:48pm
http://www.broadwayabridged.com/scripts/rent.shtml
Because I just *love* being timely.
(Apologies if this posts badly, I'm getting PHP errors.)
EDIT: Oh, also, I did an exit the king:
http://broadwayabridged.com/scripts/exittheking.shtml
Rent Abridged
re: Rent Abridged#2
Posted: 6/1/09 at 3:49pmIt's good to have you back, Gil. PLEASE post abridged scripts more often, that one was hilarious and the WSS one was one of my all-time favorites.
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/28/05
re: Rent Abridged#2
Posted: 6/1/09 at 3:56pm
ONE SONG
WHERE WILL I, FIND A TUNE?
MAYBE
LIKE-THE-ONE-THAT-I SING NOOOOW?
WHERE CAN IIIIIII.....
Bwahaha... 
re: Rent Abridged#3
Posted: 6/1/09 at 4:00pm
And THANK YOU for making me realize I'm not the only one who believes "Your Eyes" is horribly clichéd and nowhere near good enough to take a year to write or to bring someone back from the edge of death.
My song didn't make her AIDS disappear.
re: Rent Abridged#4
Posted: 6/1/09 at 4:04pm
Well done, sir.
WELL. DONE.
re: Rent Abridged#6
Posted: 6/1/09 at 6:58pm
Thank you so much for that, BA! Other than mistaking Angel for black and not Latino/a (here's a tip: if a man has that name, chances are he's either Hispanic or a vampire), you were extremely spot on. And I love "Rent" - so much that I refuse to see the movie.
Not long after "Rent" became such a smash, someone (I believe her name was Jenn Pease) posted a hysterical MST3K treatment of the entire show online. Alas, it has since been lost in the Internets.
re: Rent Abridged#7
Posted: 6/1/09 at 8:11pm
That is probably the best Abriged blog ever!!!
My favorite lines in RENT:
ASSHOLE #2
No, we got our 7/8ths of a coat. Our work here is done.
WHITE NERD
Shut up you, taunting me with the character development that I shall never be privy to!
GAY BLACK GUY WHO *IS* A CROSS-DRESSER
Why are you in this show?
STRAIGHT BLACK GUY
I'm played by Taye Diggs.
WHITE NERD
Touche.
GORDON
(walks up to the platform)
Wow, you're right! Having AIDS is much more optimistic from up here!
Homeless People in the streets suddenly do synchronized choreography.
Perhaps Homeless People in the 90s were just more talented.
DINING PATRONS IN SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO
Wait, the chef is a cross-dresser? No way I'm eating here. Leave that **** in Broadway Musicals where it BELONGS!
DRUG DEALER
You can't invite her out for a dinner party, she's supposed to be doing drugs tonight!
WHITE HUNK
No, I've SAVED HER FROM YOU!
DRUG DEALER
Nooooooooooo!
(melts)
EVIL
(is defeated once again!)
GAY BLACK GUY WHO *IS* A CROSS-DRESSER
(having an orgasm as he dies?!?!?!?)
OH NO I DIED OF SEX!
WHITE HUNK traded in his guitar for a whole car.
WHITE NERD
Boy, money made no sense in the 1990s!
LESBIAN BLACK GIRL AND LESBIAN WHITE GIRL
Help! We have LATINA GIRL and she's dying of a lethal combination of AIDS and EVIL DRUGS and WHITE HUNK NOT LOVING HER ENOUGH!
WHITE HUNK
My song didn't make her AIDS disappear.
"If artists were machines, then I'm just a different kind of machine...I'd probably be a toaster. Actually, I'd be a toaster oven because they're more versatile. And I like making grilled cheese" -Regina Spektor
"That's, like, twelve shows! ...Or seven." -Crazy SA Fangirl
"They say that just being relaxed is the most important thing [in acting]. I take that to another level, I think kinda like yawning and...like being partially asleep onstage is also good, but whatever." - Sherie Rene Scott
re: Rent Abridged#9
Posted: 6/1/09 at 10:12pm
That was side-splittingly funny.
One of my favorite parts is this:
WHITE HUNK
(enters)
Hey I'm back, and it's cough months later.
I sold my car and bought a guitar again and came up with an idea
for ONE SONG which I wrote.
WHITE NERD
Sounds like a character development I'd love to see if they
ever make a movie version of this!
WHITE HUNK
Nah... It'll end up with me singing on a mountaintop.
WHITE NERD
Your epiphany was The Sound of Music?!?!?
Chorus Member Joined: 6/5/06
re: Rent Abridged#11
Posted: 6/1/09 at 10:45pm
Thank you so much for that, BA! Other than mistaking Angel for black and not Latino/a (here's a tip: if a man has that name, chances are he's either Hispanic or a vampire), you were extremely spot on.
Shaun Earl? Justin Johnston?
re: Rent Abridged#12
Posted: 6/1/09 at 10:53pm
Thank you again so much for these brilliant jabs at shows. I really do enjoy them and this is perhaps my favorite. I loved all the stuff about the indeterminable time period and giggled every time the Chorus returned.
Oh, and:
EVIL
(is defeated once again!)
Truly amazing. :)
re: Rent Abridged#13
Posted: 6/1/09 at 11:33pm
I just killed an hour reading through those scripts I laughted so hard during the Brooklyn one when the chairs started singing about how uncomfortable they were that my roommate came running in. Love them!
Some of my favorite quotes that no one mentioned yet include:
GAY BLACK GUY WHO'S
*NOT* A CROSS-DRESSER
Hey, everyone, I hacked the ATM at the supermarket!
WHITE NERD
What's the code?
GAY BLACK GUY WHO'S
*NOT* A CROSS-DRESSER
A-N-G-E-L.
WHITE NERD
....
WHITE HUNK
ATMs have numbers as pin codes.
WHITE NERD
My film was rejected from every single film festival. Apparently nobody wants a film that's just people smiling and hugging in front of a backdrop.
BOTH
AAAAAGH!
(are attacked by a virtual pterodactle. And virtual AIDS)
MIT KID #2
Worst video game ever.
A "THELMA AND LOUISE" REFERENCE TO THROW OFF ANY POSSIBILITY OF
YOU EVER FIGURING OUT WHAT YEAR WE'RE ACTUALLY IN, AND WE'RE AT:
Stand-by Joined: 2/2/07
re: Rent Abridged#14
Posted: 6/2/09 at 1:20am
"Shaun Earl? Justin Johnston?"
Are these Black guys who have played Angel? I'm pretty sure that the first Angel I saw was black. Maybe memory fails. I know the original Angel was latino and that Angel is a latino name, but I for some reason figured Angel was a new name he gave himself post gay/crossdressing, not a parental-given name. Again, maybe based on the first Angel I actually saw.
I've always been a little confused about the races of Rent cast members. It was the one show where they simply refused to cast different races than the OBC. Besides Mimi, this never made sense to me.
I mean, even in the supposedly horrendous London revival a few years back, they ignored the established races entirely in casting. Granted they totally ignored the text's support of Mimi being Latina, and of Angel's crossdressing. And they made almost everybody white. But you see what I mean...
re: Rent Abridged#15
Posted: 6/2/09 at 1:29amre: Rent Abridged#16
Posted: 6/2/09 at 1:54amI have nothing else to say other than... That. Was. Brilliant.
re: Rent Abridged#17
Posted: 6/2/09 at 2:14am
That was utter brilliance. I mean, I love Rent and all, but I love your parody! I always enjoy your work, and this one is one of your best yet!
~Steven
Stand-by Joined: 2/2/07
re: Rent Abridged#18
Posted: 6/2/09 at 7:53am
@LizzieCurry
Sure, but not even LMGTFY will tell me for sure whether these guys are of African or Latin descent: 
Perhaps I need a LMTYWRTGA.
(Let me tell you what race these guys are.)
re: Rent Abridged#19
Posted: 6/2/09 at 11:25am
I just read the Little Mermaid and almost died laughing!
SO FUNNY!
re: Rent Abridged#20
Posted: 6/2/09 at 12:07pm
My favorite line was:
GAY BLACK GUY WHO
*IS* A CROSS-DRESSER
Why are you in this show?
STRAIGHT BLACK GUY
I'm played by Taye Diggs.
"I am sorry but it is an unjust world and virtue is only triumphant in theatricle performances" The Mikado
re: Rent Abridged#21
Posted: 6/2/09 at 12:50pmAhahahaha, I love the "Enter what's possibly the only Gay person in the world with zero fashion sense."
re: Rent Abridged#22
Posted: 6/2/09 at 1:09pmOh my God, that thing was so hilarious. I need to read more of these.
re: Rent Abridged#23
Posted: 6/2/09 at 1:33pm
My favorite Broadway Abridged moment ever:
CLEAVANT DERRICKS
Now, instead of breaking for an intermission at this peak
high-tension point in the middle of the play, we're going to
go on INTERMISSIONLESS!
SEATS IN THE PLYMOUTH THEATRE
(singing)
WE, ARE,
VERY UN-COMFORTABLE.
WE, ARE,
VERY UN-COMFORTABLE.
DON'T YOU WISH YOU HAD AN INTER-MISS-ISS-ION
SOMETHING HEART HEART LOVE LOVE LOVE!
AUDIENCE
Shut up.
Love it
re: Rent Abridged#24
Posted: 6/2/09 at 3:06pm
This was hilarious, as are basically all Broadway Abridged parodies. I am definitely a fan!
Incidentally, somebody can definitely *look* "black" and still be of Latin descent. And there have definitely been a TON of biracial or black actresses as Mimi, including Simone, Krystal Wasthington, Tamyra Gray, and Krystal Brown to name a very few.
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