You favorite funny line- Page 2

[lvpblues]

Posted: 4/27/04 at 6:03pm

Agnes: Will it mix with Dr. Pepper?
Vera: He'll love it.

[NYCbabe3789]

Posted: 4/27/04 at 6:29pm

The problem with a lot of these lines are they're only funny if they are said the right way. The line in TMM for example, about Tom Sawyer. When Sutton said it it practically stopped the show, whereas when Amanda Holden said it, not a person in the house chuckled...

[StateOfJade]

Posted: 4/27/04 at 9:04pm

The shoe line from ITW, definitley.

'This car has seats that allow you to adjust the temperature of your ass.'-Tick Tick Boom

'What's wrong with you?! Stealing a dead woman's shoes!'-Wicked

'Being on an elevator when sombody shouts HOLD THE DOOR! NO. Scheudanfreude...**** you lady, that's what stairs are for!'-Avenue Q

'You could use a little flow.'
'Tutoring again?'
'Negative.'
'Back at NYU?'
'No, no no, I rewired the ATM at the food emporium.'
-RENT

(Admiring blown up photograph of baby) 'Oh, that's such a beautiul picture of your son!'
'Yeah...*pause* You wanna buy it?'
-Between Us

'Like a bad title.'-Urinetown. No explanation needed lol.

'Where did I go right?'-The Producers

Updated On: 4/27/04 at 09:04 PM

[StateOfJade]

Posted: 4/27/04 at 9:07pm

The8re phan, I LOVE you for bringing that line up!!!

[WestEndBird]

Posted: 4/27/04 at 9:24pm

"QUICK!!! Back in the closet!!" (The Producers)

[dididda]

Posted: 4/27/04 at 9:47pm

i cant rember the exact line but both when morrible says it and galinda says it the line that something like "she think you will do well...i don't share her praise... i hope you will prove me wrong...i doubt you will"

i know tahts not it but its so good and also from wicked
"well, theres no place like home"

e- are you done
g- yes
e- good(slaps back)

that show is hilarious

so isnt ameneris in aida. and lots of stuff in ITW

[erikrokks]

Posted: 4/27/04 at 10:48pm

From "Brooklyn", courtesy of Ms. Paradice (yes, Paradice with a 'C'...you'll hear why when you see the show):

"Well Superman ain't packin' no rocket, 'cuz his red, shiny cape hangs in my bedroom closet."

"Like Sampson and Delilah, like Adam and Eve, women like me bring men to their knees. Read about it...it's in your bible!"

"So now what's this I hear about teachers and parents picketing outside this very theater? Saying I'm robbing their kids of their innocence? Like I'm some wicked witch of the hood, or somethin'."

[kristadavies]

Posted: 4/28/04 at 3:14pm

How about:

"we can't all come and go by bubble."" Elphaba

Posted: 4/28/04 at 3:42pm

"Ask him if got any hot-cross buns" (The Boys in the Band)

"I don't have much time Sherry, so I'll do all the talking and it will be all about ME" (The Man Who Came to Dinner)

"Don't quibble Sybil!" (Private Lives)



Updated On: 4/28/04 at 03:42 PM

[MargoChanning]

Posted: 4/28/04 at 4:36pm

From "Boys In The Band":

Harold: I keep my grass in the medicine cabinet in the Band Aid box. Somebody told me it's the safest place. If the cops arrive, you can always lock yourself in the bathroom and flush it down the john.
Hank: Very cagey.
Harold: Makes more sense to where I was keeping it: in the oregano jar in the spice rack. I kept forgetting it and accidentally turning my hateful mother on with a salad. But I think she liked it. No matter what meal she comes over for, even if it was breakfast, she says
[in his mother's voice]
Harold: "Let's have a salad!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
From "The Man Who Came To Dinner":

Sheridan Whiteside: My Great Aunt Jennifer ate a whole box of candy every day of her life. She lived to be 102, and when she had been dead three days, she looked better than you do now.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

From "Private Lives":

Amanda: Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.

Posted: 4/28/04 at 4:49pm

Is it bigger than a Bread Box? (Elyot reflecting on the size of the Taj Mahal in Private Lives)

[StateOfJade]

Posted: 4/28/04 at 7:00pm

Hedwig:

'Look out, folks-IMMIGRATION!

'What poor, unfortunate creature died for you to wear THAT? My Aunt Trudy, I replied.'

'He was a dungeons and dragons-playing, jesus-loving FREAK. I found him very.....*drinks* hot.'(That one's not totally accurat,e but it's something like that.)

[Britt0913]

Posted: 4/28/04 at 9:01pm

My fave is from TABOO:

Big Sue: What on earth are you supposed to be?

Philip: I'm bitter and twisted....I'm a sack of lemons.

RAUL ESPARZA!!!!! GOTTA LOVE HIM!

[dry2olives]

Posted: 4/28/04 at 9:22pm

"Russia? That's in Europe, isn't it?"
"Yes. More and more."

[propspony]

Posted: 4/28/04 at 10:54pm

1776:

ADAMS: Wake up Franklin, you're going to New Brunswick!

FRANKLIN: Like hell I am. What for?

HOPKINS: The whoring and the drinking.

FRANKLIN: Well why didn't you say so?

Hay Fever:

"I want to kiss you and kiss you and kiss you, then break all the furniture and jump in the river!"

Updated On: 5/1/04 at 10:54 PM

Posted: 4/28/04 at 11:05pm

"I can't even get a taxi"
-Gary Coleman in AVENUE Q
which I saw for the first time last night!
LOVED IT... John Tartaglia... YUMMY!

[ShbrtAlley44]

Posted: 4/28/04 at 11:38pm

I have so many.

1776-
FRANKLIN: Treason is a charge invented by winners as an excuse for hanging the losers.
ADAMS: I've got more to do than stand here listening to you quote yourself.
FRANKLIN: No, that was a new one.

I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a Congress! - Adams

URINETOWN-
"Whaaaaa?!?!"

INTO THE WOODS-
I was raised to be charming, not sincere. - Cinderella's Prince

CHICAGO-
If Jesus Christ had lived in Chicago and if he'd had five thousand dollars, things would have turned out differently. - Billy Flynn

And so on...

[mother cabrini]

Posted: 4/28/04 at 11:45pm

ANYTHING by vera charles in mame

Posted: 4/29/04 at 4:37pm

I am so grateful to all of you for contributing to this very entertaining thread.

I would like to thank all of you from the heart of my bottom.

[StateOfJade]

Posted: 4/29/04 at 6:30pm

Some more from Into the Woods:

Baker's Wife: I don't have any children.
Jack's Mother: Hmm, that's okay too...

Baker: Oh, where did you get that hair?
Baker's Wife: *Chuckling* Oh, I pulled it from a maiden in a tower.

Cinderella: So...where's your husband tonight?
Baker's Wife: He's undoing a spell.
Cinderella: Oh? OOOHHH!!!

[mominator]

Posted: 4/29/04 at 6:45pm

or there is always " Naked princess back here" from Aida

[lvpblues]

Posted: 5/1/04 at 5:47pm

Wang: ...This is the first time Ta has ever stayed away all night. What could he be doing?
Madam Liang: If this was a quiz program I could win a trip to Europe.

This line from "Flower Drum Song" always got a laugh from me.

~Kevin, basking in the joy that is Juanita Hall.

[marincrazy11]

Posted: 5/1/04 at 9:45pm

OOO-StateofJade you stole mine from Into The Woods.Another from it:

Baker's Wife:This is not right you have a princess and I have....a baker

[SCMmom]

Posted: 5/1/04 at 10:38pm

"put the earmuffs on the cookie" - Niki in Avenue Q - listen carefully to what he says when he's talking in his sleep in "fantasies come true" it's really funny!!

"my greatest fear is that i've already achieved my damn purpose in life and i'm on a slow walk to the grave" - Gary Coleman in Avenue Q - the look on John Tartaglia's face after that line is priceless (not verbatum but as close as i remember)

Avenue Q is the most hysterical show ever! you've gotta admit it!

Amneris waits in the bed chamber for Radames "Radames come claim your kingdom...Radames! You barge into my bed chamber waging a full frontal attack, so to speak, and now you're stalling! Why? "

Radames: "I'm sorry I didn't realize..."

Amneris: "There's a buck naked princess lounging in her bed calling your name, what exactly didn't you realize? Before our wedding night pack up some of that dried monkey meat and have the royal cartographer draw you a map of the female body captain! Maybe then you'll be more inclined to come explore!! [he leaves] was it something is said?"

[Plum]

Posted: 5/1/04 at 10:46pm

"No, not even filth. Raisins."

Eh. It's all in Gingold's delivery. :)