#51
Posted: 5/2/04 at 3:57pm
"No...not even figs...raisins."
Jesus saves. I spend.
You favorite funny line — Page 3
#52
Posted: 5/3/04 at 5:55pm
Into the Woods:
"I've the cow and the cape!"
"You've the cape"
{pause}
"What did you do with the cow?"
"You can talk to birds?"
plus all those other fabulous quotes that people have already posted
Man Who Came to Dinner:
"I smell a rat Sherri, a rat with a beard"
"And there was Lorraine Sheldon, snug as a bug in somebody's bed on the Normandie"
there's also a few really good one's in Crazy for You but I can't for the life of me remember them!
"I've the cow and the cape!"
"You've the cape"
{pause}
"What did you do with the cow?"
"You can talk to birds?"
plus all those other fabulous quotes that people have already posted
Man Who Came to Dinner:
"I smell a rat Sherri, a rat with a beard"
"And there was Lorraine Sheldon, snug as a bug in somebody's bed on the Normandie"
there's also a few really good one's in Crazy for You but I can't for the life of me remember them!
Do not put your faith in a cape and a hood.
They will not protect you the way that they should.
~Into the Woods
"There is no plague! You are trying to raise cows on the side of a MOUNTAIN!!!" ~Meredith Parker, Bat Boy
Updated On: 5/3/04 at 05:55 PM
#53
Posted: 5/3/04 at 6:05pm
You guys are doing so GREAT!! Keep the funny lines coming!! They are a real pick me up!!
"This is enough to pay for four weddings,.... and a funeral!"
"This is enough to pay for four weddings,.... and a funeral!"
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
#54
Posted: 5/3/04 at 7:36pm
"Oh! You painted the kitten!"-Avenue Q
"...New York City!"-RENT (response to having a homeless lady blow up in faces)
"Once upon a time I liked to play with Ken, but now I'm older I prefer bigger men."-Hairspray
"And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife-TEN TIMES."-Chicago
"Wait, Mama, it's not your turn!"-Anna in the Tropics
"...New York City!"-RENT (response to having a homeless lady blow up in faces)
"Once upon a time I liked to play with Ken, but now I'm older I prefer bigger men."-Hairspray
"And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife-TEN TIMES."-Chicago
"Wait, Mama, it's not your turn!"-Anna in the Tropics
"I really liked the show--Wish I saw Boy's Night...Am I allowed as I am not a boy anymore:)"-duffyny1
#55
Posted: 5/5/04 at 12:57pm
Falsettoland:
"Stop with the prayers"
"How can you stop with the prayers at a bar mitzvah?!"
"We're sitting and watching Jason play baseball, we're watching Jason play baseball, we're watching Jewish boys who cannot play baseball play baseball"
"Look, look, look it's the lesbian from next door"
"And here's her lover who's a lesbian from next door too"
I keep thinking of lines but then I go to post them and I forget - I'll keep working on it!
"Stop with the prayers"
"How can you stop with the prayers at a bar mitzvah?!"
"We're sitting and watching Jason play baseball, we're watching Jason play baseball, we're watching Jewish boys who cannot play baseball play baseball"
"Look, look, look it's the lesbian from next door"
"And here's her lover who's a lesbian from next door too"
I keep thinking of lines but then I go to post them and I forget - I'll keep working on it!
Do not put your faith in a cape and a hood.
They will not protect you the way that they should.
~Into the Woods
"There is no plague! You are trying to raise cows on the side of a MOUNTAIN!!!" ~Meredith Parker, Bat Boy
#56
Posted: 5/5/04 at 1:11pm
Oh, man, that baseball song cracks me up every time. After Sandy Koufax and Hank Greenberg, who is there? Love it.
#57
Posted: 5/6/04 at 1:07am
ok I've thought about it and i've got some more ITW ones:
"Someday you'll have a real pet Jack"
"A piggy?"
"What kind of hunter are you?!"
"I'm a baker!"
"Two princes, each more handsome then the next....no - get the hair..."
"Because of the way you treated me I will never be happy!"
"I was just trying to be a good mother!"
"Excuse me, would you like a blind girl instead?"
hahaha
"Someday you'll have a real pet Jack"
"A piggy?"
"What kind of hunter are you?!"
"I'm a baker!"
"Two princes, each more handsome then the next....no - get the hair..."
"Because of the way you treated me I will never be happy!"
"I was just trying to be a good mother!"
"Excuse me, would you like a blind girl instead?"
hahaha
Do not put your faith in a cape and a hood.
They will not protect you the way that they should.
~Into the Woods
"There is no plague! You are trying to raise cows on the side of a MOUNTAIN!!!" ~Meredith Parker, Bat Boy
#58
Posted: 5/6/04 at 12:17pm
Arguably the single funniest line ever written by an American playwright:
"I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everywhere I look there are little notes on my pillows. I've told you a hundred and forty-eight times I can't stand little notes on my pillows. 'We're out of toilet paper- F.U. IT TOOK ME THREE AND A HALF HOURS TO FIGURE OUT THAT F.U. MEANT FELIX UNGER!!!"
"I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everywhere I look there are little notes on my pillows. I've told you a hundred and forty-eight times I can't stand little notes on my pillows. 'We're out of toilet paper- F.U. IT TOOK ME THREE AND A HALF HOURS TO FIGURE OUT THAT F.U. MEANT FELIX UNGER!!!"
#59
Posted: 5/6/04 at 12:59pm
From the movies:
"AAAAAAARGH!! SOMEONE SENT ME A BOWEL MOVEMENT!!!!!!"
--Divine, upon opening a care package in "Pink Flamingoes".
And from "A Little Night Music"
Footman: "Allow me."
Petra: (Seductively) "Allow you to what?"
"AAAAAAARGH!! SOMEONE SENT ME A BOWEL MOVEMENT!!!!!!"
--Divine, upon opening a care package in "Pink Flamingoes".
And from "A Little Night Music"
Footman: "Allow me."
Petra: (Seductively) "Allow you to what?"
"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”
~ Muhammad Ali
#60
Posted: 5/6/04 at 1:09pm
"We really need a good revival of Mame on Broadway. (With Christine Baranski in there someplace)"
thank you Theaterbaby, I have been pushing for a few years for a revival of Mame with Chistine Baranski as Vera to Raquel Welch's Mame.
From the duet The Grass Is Always Greener from Woman of The Year
First woman:...at elast you can hold a husband
Second woman: You can have my husband
First woman: I've already had your husband
thank you Theaterbaby, I have been pushing for a few years for a revival of Mame with Chistine Baranski as Vera to Raquel Welch's Mame.
From the duet The Grass Is Always Greener from Woman of The Year
First woman:...at elast you can hold a husband
Second woman: You can have my husband
First woman: I've already had your husband
http://www.danperezgallery.com
#61
Posted: 5/6/04 at 1:21pm
Oh, you remember the awful things they said about what's-her-name before she jumped out the window? There. You see? I can't even remember her name so who cares?
Sylvia Fowler- The Women
Sylvia Fowler- The Women
http://www.danperezgallery.com
#62
Posted: 5/6/04 at 1:32pm
HAIRSPRAY
Penny -
In my ivory tower
Life was just a hostess snack
But now i've tasted chocolate
And i'm never going back!
-Matt
Penny -
In my ivory tower
Life was just a hostess snack
But now i've tasted chocolate
And i'm never going back!
-Matt
"Noah, someday we'll talk again. But there's things we'll never say. That sorrow deep inside you. It inside me, too. And it never go away. You be okay. You'll learn how to lose things..."
#63
Posted: 5/6/04 at 4:07pm
And from YAGMCB
Sally: "Yes... I mean NO!"
Barbara
Sally: "Yes... I mean NO!"
Barbara
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
Updated On: 5/6/04 at 04:07 PM
#64
Posted: 5/7/04 at 6:57pm
Another funny one This time from Ave. Q
"Guys.. Jesus was Jewish!!"
Keep the funny lines coming. We allcould use the giggles
B
"Guys.. Jesus was Jewish!!"
Keep the funny lines coming. We allcould use the giggles
B
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
#65
Posted: 5/7/04 at 11:05pm
"A lot can happen in seven days, just read the Bible"~TMM
Pennywise: Hope is my daughter.
*gasps*
Pennywise: And I......am her mother
*GASP!*
~Urinetown
"Could you PLEASE just stop talking about the past and start teaching us history!?"~Galinda (not sure of the wording on this one)
"*crying* This must be what normal people feel like."~Galinda
Pennywise: Hope is my daughter.
*gasps*
Pennywise: And I......am her mother
*GASP!*
~Urinetown
"Could you PLEASE just stop talking about the past and start teaching us history!?"~Galinda (not sure of the wording on this one)
"*crying* This must be what normal people feel like."~Galinda
#66
Posted: 5/8/04 at 12:27pm
From Millie:
Jimmy: If I were in your shoe...
Jimmy:...MY MOTHER!!!!!!....
I love a lot of Jimmy's lines...he's a great character...
Aida:
When Zoser is saying what a beautiful girl Amneris is and he would have went with her if he knew she'd grow up so nicely and Radames goes, "It's not too late!" Adam delivered that line PERFECTLY.
Jimmy: If I were in your shoe...
Jimmy:...MY MOTHER!!!!!!....
I love a lot of Jimmy's lines...he's a great character...
Aida:
When Zoser is saying what a beautiful girl Amneris is and he would have went with her if he knew she'd grow up so nicely and Radames goes, "It's not too late!" Adam delivered that line PERFECTLY.
#68
Posted: 5/8/04 at 7:59pm
"Blonde"
'Wicked'! And finally will be seeing the show for the first time on Friday
'Wicked'! And finally will be seeing the show for the first time on Friday
"Well we can't all come and go by bubble"
#69
Posted: 5/8/04 at 8:21pm
Have a blast beartrande!!
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
#70
Posted: 5/9/04 at 2:53am
"How many bells are there?"
-Nellie Lovett, Sweeney Todd
-Nellie Lovett, Sweeney Todd
#71
Posted: 5/9/04 at 12:52pm
From "Witches of Eastwick"
Alex: Why are all the good ones gay?
Jane: He wasn't that good....hehehe
Alex: Why are all the good ones gay?
Jane: He wasn't that good....hehehe
Popular...You're gonna be Popuular....;)
#72
Posted: 5/9/04 at 1:02pm
"What are you doing with such a large group of minorities?"
-Hairspray
"Dr. Dillamond, You shouldn't let ignorant comments like that bother you. I mean I do, but you shouldn't."
-Wicked
-Hairspray
"Dr. Dillamond, You shouldn't let ignorant comments like that bother you. I mean I do, but you shouldn't."
-Wicked
You know it and you want it... you just can't believe you've got it.
#73
Posted: 5/14/04 at 2:45pm
From Wicked
KC-Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe
IM-Blonde
KC-Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe
IM-Blonde
#74
Posted: 5/14/04 at 2:47pm
From Jeffery:
"What you need is a boyfriend..."
"....and SHOES!"
"What you need is a boyfriend..."
"....and SHOES!"
#75
Posted: 5/14/04 at 5:13pm
"Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..... Ssss?" - Carmen Ghia, "The Producers"
Actually, almost every line of his in that entire scene cracks me up.
"Hello. You have reached the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger Debris' elegant Upper East Side townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June."
"May I take your hats, coats, and swastikas?"
"If your intent was to shoot an arrow through my heart... BULLSEYE!"
Oh, good stuff. I hope the movie does the show justice.
Actually, almost every line of his in that entire scene cracks me up.
"Hello. You have reached the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger Debris' elegant Upper East Side townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June."
"May I take your hats, coats, and swastikas?"
"If your intent was to shoot an arrow through my heart... BULLSEYE!"
Oh, good stuff. I hope the movie does the show justice.
"Goodness is rewarded. Hope is guaranteed. Laughter builds strong bones. Right will intercede. Things you've said I often find I need, indeed. I see the world through your eyes. What's black and white is colorized. The knowledge you most dearly prized I'm eager to employ. You said that life has infinite joys."
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