You favorite funny line- Page 3

[KJisgroovy]

Posted: 5/2/04 at 3:57pm

"No...not even figs...raisins."

[BakersWife3]

Posted: 5/3/04 at 5:55pm

Into the Woods:
"I've the cow and the cape!"
"You've the cape"
{pause}
"What did you do with the cow?"

"You can talk to birds?"

plus all those other fabulous quotes that people have already posted

Man Who Came to Dinner:
"I smell a rat Sherri, a rat with a beard"

"And there was Lorraine Sheldon, snug as a bug in somebody's bed on the Normandie"

there's also a few really good one's in Crazy for You but I can't for the life of me remember them!

Updated On: 5/3/04 at 05:55 PM

[mominator]

Posted: 5/3/04 at 6:05pm

You guys are doing so GREAT!! Keep the funny lines coming!! They are a real pick me up!!
"This is enough to pay for four weddings,.... and a funeral!"

[StateOfJade]

Posted: 5/3/04 at 7:36pm

"Oh! You painted the kitten!"-Avenue Q

"...New York City!"-RENT (response to having a homeless lady blow up in faces)

"Once upon a time I liked to play with Ken, but now I'm older I prefer bigger men."-Hairspray

"And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife-TEN TIMES."-Chicago

"Wait, Mama, it's not your turn!"-Anna in the Tropics

[BakersWife3]

Posted: 5/5/04 at 12:57pm

Falsettoland:
"Stop with the prayers"
"How can you stop with the prayers at a bar mitzvah?!"

"We're sitting and watching Jason play baseball, we're watching Jason play baseball, we're watching Jewish boys who cannot play baseball play baseball"

"Look, look, look it's the lesbian from next door"
"And here's her lover who's a lesbian from next door too"


I keep thinking of lines but then I go to post them and I forget - I'll keep working on it!

[Plum]

Posted: 5/5/04 at 1:11pm

Oh, man, that baseball song cracks me up every time. After Sandy Koufax and Hank Greenberg, who is there? Love it.

[BakersWife3]

Posted: 5/6/04 at 1:07am

ok I've thought about it and i've got some more ITW ones:

"Someday you'll have a real pet Jack"
"A piggy?"

"What kind of hunter are you?!"
"I'm a baker!"

"Two princes, each more handsome then the next....no - get the hair..."

"Because of the way you treated me I will never be happy!"
"I was just trying to be a good mother!"

"Excuse me, would you like a blind girl instead?"

hahaha

[logan30]

Posted: 5/6/04 at 12:17pm

Arguably the single funniest line ever written by an American playwright:

"I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everywhere I look there are little notes on my pillows. I've told you a hundred and forty-eight times I can't stand little notes on my pillows. 'We're out of toilet paper- F.U. IT TOOK ME THREE AND A HALF HOURS TO FIGURE OUT THAT F.U. MEANT FELIX UNGER!!!"

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 5/6/04 at 12:59pm

From the movies:

"AAAAAAARGH!! SOMEONE SENT ME A BOWEL MOVEMENT!!!!!!"
--Divine, upon opening a care package in "Pink Flamingoes".

And from "A Little Night Music"

Footman: "Allow me."
Petra: (Seductively) "Allow you to what?"

[orion59]

Posted: 5/6/04 at 1:09pm

"We really need a good revival of Mame on Broadway. (With Christine Baranski in there someplace)"

thank you Theaterbaby, I have been pushing for a few years for a revival of Mame with Chistine Baranski as Vera to Raquel Welch's Mame.


From the duet The Grass Is Always Greener from Woman of The Year

First woman:...at elast you can hold a husband
Second woman: You can have my husband
First woman: I've already had your husband

[orion59]

Posted: 5/6/04 at 1:21pm

Oh, you remember the awful things they said about what's-her-name before she jumped out the window? There. You see? I can't even remember her name so who cares?

Sylvia Fowler- The Women

[Matt_G]

Posted: 5/6/04 at 1:32pm

HAIRSPRAY

Penny -

In my ivory tower
Life was just a hostess snack
But now i've tasted chocolate
And i'm never going back!

-Matt

[mominator]

Posted: 5/6/04 at 4:07pm

And from YAGMCB
Sally: "Yes... I mean NO!"
Barbara

Updated On: 5/6/04 at 04:07 PM

[mominator]

Posted: 5/7/04 at 6:57pm

Another funny one This time from Ave. Q
"Guys.. Jesus was Jewish!!"
Keep the funny lines coming. We allcould use the giggles
B

[BroadwayGirl107]

Posted: 5/7/04 at 11:05pm

"A lot can happen in seven days, just read the Bible"~TMM

Pennywise: Hope is my daughter.

*gasps*

Pennywise: And I......am her mother

*GASP!*

~Urinetown

"Could you PLEASE just stop talking about the past and start teaching us history!?"~Galinda (not sure of the wording on this one)

"*crying* This must be what normal people feel like."~Galinda

[NativeNewYorker]

Posted: 5/8/04 at 12:27pm

From Millie:

Jimmy: If I were in your shoe...

Jimmy:...MY MOTHER!!!!!!....

I love a lot of Jimmy's lines...he's a great character...

Aida:

When Zoser is saying what a beautiful girl Amneris is and he would have went with her if he knew she'd grow up so nicely and Radames goes, "It's not too late!" Adam delivered that line PERFECTLY.

[Corine2]

Posted: 5/8/04 at 12:31pm

Gooch- I lived!

[beartrande]

Posted: 5/8/04 at 7:59pm

"Blonde"

'Wicked'! And finally will be seeing the show for the first time on Friday

[mominator]

Posted: 5/8/04 at 8:21pm

Have a blast beartrande!!

[Plum]

Posted: 5/9/04 at 2:53am

"How many bells are there?"

-Nellie Lovett, Sweeney Todd

[Janki]

Posted: 5/9/04 at 12:52pm

From "Witches of Eastwick"
Alex: Why are all the good ones gay?
Jane: He wasn't that good....hehehe

[Gypsy2]

Posted: 5/9/04 at 1:02pm

"What are you doing with such a large group of minorities?"
-Hairspray

"Dr. Dillamond, You shouldn't let ignorant comments like that bother you. I mean I do, but you shouldn't."
-Wicked

[My Fair Lady]

Posted: 5/14/04 at 2:45pm

From Wicked
KC-Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe
IM-Blonde

[WindyCityActor]

Posted: 5/14/04 at 2:47pm

From Jeffery:

"What you need is a boyfriend..."

"....and SHOES!"

[magic8ball]

Posted: 5/14/04 at 5:13pm

"Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..... Ssss?" - Carmen Ghia, "The Producers"

Actually, almost every line of his in that entire scene cracks me up.

"Hello. You have reached the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger Debris' elegant Upper East Side townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June."

"May I take your hats, coats, and swastikas?"

"If your intent was to shoot an arrow through my heart... BULLSEYE!"

Oh, good stuff. I hope the movie does the show justice.