American sense of 'space'.- Page 3

[Jane2]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 5:30pm

Oh right, Reggie, I meant to mention that is fabulous. I wish I had the nerve to do that to someone. I'm going to try.

[eatlasagna]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 7:30pm

i thought about moving away from her... but then i'd feel like she thought that i thought she was annoying or rude... gosh.. why do we do that to ourselves? why do we care so much what people think about us even though sometimes we say we don't care? damn society! haha... which kinda makes me bring up another topic... i have no problem in telling people off in public... but the person has to have done something REALLY bad... sitting next to me is annoying... not bad... but if i did tell her i would be afraid she thought i was a jerk or something...

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 8:33pm

Well, also I imagine you don't want to be unkind to someone who hasn't earned it.

I mean, if she were actively rude or aggressive--as opposed to, arguably, odd--that would be one thing.

[Q]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 8:34pm

So far from the responses in this thread, I'm pretty sure I would annoy the crap out of some of you. When I'm in 'public mode', I tend to be somewhat gregarious (as some here would be happy to certify.)

My attitude is, if privacy is that important to you, stay in your private place. I have FULL respect for the 'sanctuary' that people create for themselves - hell, I relish mine. But we are designed to be a social species, and our lives as they intersect with others should be acknowledged - at least from my perspective.

Now mind you, I AM sensitive to what others 'put off' - and if I sense you're just not up for interaction, I'm out of there. But I can't guarantee it wouldn't be without some comment aloud.

I tend to greet people on the street, compliment on attire, ask how they're feeling (and REALLY want to know!) and so on. I ENGAGE my fellow man - without restraint unless it is imposed.

So, if you see me coming, run.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 8:37pm

please. like any of us could out run you and them daddy long legs of yours.

[Q]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 8:40pm

But papa, I wouldn't pursue everyone like I pursue you

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 8:43pm

i was only running because i heard there was free lagavulin down the street.

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 8:57pm

As with most social things, I think it's a matter of degree and context.

I talk to people in elevators occasionally, and at the theater.

But if you walk right up to me on a New York street and go "HI!!!" I assume you're either insane or a mugger. (Or both.)

But you, Q, I'm going to tongue if I ever run into you.

[Q]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 9:00pm

Well, I am insane, but have no interest in your money.

Your tongue, however . . .

And papa, you KNOW I've got the Lagavulin with me!

[KrissySim]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 9:08pm

..."this grand sense of ‘isolation’ that seems endemic to our society "...

to your OP, Q

I don't think it's looked at as isolation or a feeling of superiority ("you won't deign to dine with others") but rather a recognition of a different social custom. Americans are looked at as thinking of dining as being a more personal, private or intimate occasion.

[KrissySim]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 9:12pm

Business dining is an altogether different thing.

Don't worry, you wouldn't be asked to sit down to a Mafia Banquet if there happen to be available seats at the banquet table. Those will likely be taken by call-girls who haven't arrived yet.

[Reginald Tresilian]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 9:15pm

Then, Q, I'll touch your nose and go "Boop!" so you'll know it's me.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 10:24pm

Q you are SO right......we are such spacehogs.

In Germany it is customary to sit with people you don't know, and we've met some wonderful people that way.

In 1998 a friend and I were in Prague, and the waiter took us to a table where a man and woman were sitting, and as he seated us they gave him a hard time..and he told tyhem they could leave if they did not like it...and they were Czech, so it was unheard of.
It turned out they were on their first date, but we all started talking and got along great.

[Q]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 10:55pm

Elph - the situation you described intrigues me. On the one hand, it seems the perfect example of when people would desire if not demand privacy. But, what better way to see how someone reacts to the world around them by engaging in exactly the scenario that unfolded?

I tend to fall into the category of 'life is what happens while you make plans'.

[Jane2]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 10:59pm

I'm getting the impression from this thread that there's something negative about preferring your own space. Am I right?

[NYadgal]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:03pm

That should be the new BWW 'greeting'

Touch the nose and say 'Boop!'

It's like the secret handshake...

[Q]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:08pm

Addy - I agree!

And, Jane - I certainly hope that's not the impression I'm giving off. I have my feelings, as does everyone else - and this is just an opportunity to share, compare and contrast different viewpoints.

I don't think there IS a 'right or wrong' with this subject (as I feel with most others.) I'm just fascinated by the different feelings and approaches to all of our individual experiences.

[Jane2]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:15pm

No, nothing you yourself said, Q. I guess it's just a hint of it in things like when Elph said that waiter told those people to leave if they didn't like it, and the comment about empty seats at tables, etc. It just seems like a general tone of criticism.

My thought on it is that there are all types of people, and some like the company of strangers while some don't. Thank goodness we still have a choice!

I think it's doing everyone a favor when people at a table request that they be left alone. I say this because if the strangers aren't really wanted there, no one is going to have a good time.

I realize you're only sharing experiences, Q. keep them coming!

[Q]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:17pm

I do feel the 'choice' part is important. That's why in my own experience with this, it was always presented as an option, not a requirement.

I do wonder, though, how many might work through some issues if they simply didn't have a choice?

But I wonder about that concerning a great many things

[Jane2]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:21pm

That's a very good question. And there is a partial answer to that. I refer to the non-option of having your own space on public transportation, which could be a situation that lasts several hours.

I just have to deal with it, since there are no options.

[Q]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:27pm

This obviously isn't a 'danger zone' for me, so I can't quite imagine feeling 'stuck' under these circumstances as being life-threatening.

But I also have MANY issues of my own, and can only imagine being horrified at not having the ability to back away from them.

Ultimately, it's just curious to me why it seems so threatening to encounter intimacy in a public setting. I wonder where that comes from, and what, if anything, could or should be done about it?

For me, I just feel so comfortable with who and what I am, that I have no fears of what I might encounter 'out there'. Are there things I might not respond to favorably? Sure - but then I just walk away.

Which leads us back to the whole 'option' part of the scenario.

[Jane2]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:35pm

lol, wait a minute. I don't consider anything about this as "dangerous" or "life threatening" It's not all THAT important.

I'm just going on record as saying I'm one of those who prefers my own space rather than sitting shoulders and thighs touching with strangers!

There's nothing threatening about this situation. It's a matter of what do you prefer.I don't expect anything horrible to happen if I am pressed next to a stranger. It's just a little intimate for my taste.. Unless, of course, I'm next to someone wearing a lot of perfume. then it is dangerous to me.

forgot to mention the little problem of claustrophobia!

Updated On: 1/14/09 at 11:35 PM

[Jane2]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:44pm

I was just thinking about this being an American issue.

It seems that when we get a chance to move, let's say to another apartment. We always try to get a "bigger" one. Space seems to be a desired commodity. People who have a lot of money seem to live in huge quarters.

Having more space on an airline seems to be more desirable in general. so I'm wondering-is this only an American thing?

Oh well, I'm getting into my comfortable not very large, but all my-BED!

[Q]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:50pm

The whole 'threatening' thing wasn't directed at you, just put out there in general.

And I shy away from complete generalizations (thread title notwithstanding ) but even some of the posts here point out some valid ideas as to where the American psyche tends in this direction.


Updated On: 1/14/09 at 11:50 PM

[KrissySim]

Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:53pm

"Having more space on an airline seems to be more desirable in general."

Here you have a situation where there is no space unless you are on a corporate jet. At least on a train you can go for a walk, visit the club car, lounge, etc. You can move from your own compartment to a more social space.

In many places having a lot of living space is considered a luxury. Having that space indicates affluence. But it depends on where you live.