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American sense of 'space'.

American sense of 'space'.

Q
#1American sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 12:27am

Someone commented in another thread about someone coming and sitting ‘right next to them’ in a movie theater, and it got me thinking.

American sense of ‘space’ is a fairly unique thing in the world. When I was managing restaurants at the Grand Canyon, we had a 60% international demographic. There was one place in particular that had the premier Canyon views – but only 28 tables – and they routinely ran over a two-hour wait for a table.

Now, most of these were tables with seating for four, but much of the time, only two people were seated at them. Our international guests were always furious that they had to wait to eat when there were so many seats available. And there lies the difference. Here, we seat by the table, whereas elsewhere, they fill available seats.

Which is more logical?

I began a program of asking if people minded other couples being seated with them for dining. Without exception, international guests were always willing. To them, they realized they were going to get what they came for – a meal – and also have the opportunity to meet and interact with other people who were interested in the Canyon, and also looking for a repast.

Not that my situation equates to a scientific survey, but it is worth noting that maybe – MAYBE – one out of forty times or so did an American couple agree to such an arrangement. I can’t help think about opportunities missed – and this grand sense of ‘isolation’ that seems endemic to our society.

For the record, I’ve experienced the situation in a movie theater before that someone was uncomfortable with. My reaction? My initial thought was, “Well, that’s unusual!” Followed quickly by, “Well, they must not be averse to closeness, so I’ll try some interaction.” That led to talk of what drew us to the film, what we liked or knew about the people involved in the project, a ‘shared’ movie-going experience, and then on most occasions drinks or food afterward to talk about the movie and share a little perspective on cabbages and kings.

I’ll stick to my approach.

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Taryn
#2re: American sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 12:37am

It's funny you mention this, because I was just in London for two weeks, my first excursion out of the states, and was struck by how much more people sit next to each other on the tube than on the New York subway.

JbaraFan1
#2re: American sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 3:00am

Me personally, I'm basically scared of people. <-- only half kidding

There are some what are known as "family seating style" restaurants in the U.S. I'm not sure if they're unique to the south or not, but usually they're local "mom and pop / country-style meat-and-threes," buffet line, and shared tables.

I do believe we Americans are adaptable. For example, while I don't smoke myself, plenty of people have had to get used to no longer being able to smoke in public places such as restaurants.
Laws and rules changed, and people learned to deal. If more restaurants here started insisting on a more community/shared arrangement of seating, we'd get used to it. (And might find ourselves enjoying the shorter wait times for tables.)

Q
#3re: American sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 3:06am

"And might find ourselves enjoying the shorter wait times for tables."

Or the pleasure of the company of fellow human beings re: American sense of 'space'.

Here in California, most of the places I find that have communal seating are Mexican, which they brought from their culture.

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nygrl232
#4re: American sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 3:42am

I think it's weird when there's a whole row of available treadmills next to me at the gym, but someone climbs on to the one directly adjacent to the one I'm using. Same for lockers. This happens frequently. It's tacitly understood that you give other people as much space as is available. When someone doesn't, it's just bizarre.

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Broadwayboobs
#5re: American sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 3:46am

I always enjoy meeting new people...so as long as they're friendly and don't smell bad, you can sit them next to me. re: American sense of 'space'.


"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. Ralph Waldo Emerson

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papalovesmambo
#6american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 8:47am

it's not completely analagous, but i was speaking to our ceo who happens to be welsh about his gym and his only complaint was the lack of space in the locker area and the size of the lockers.

although, i was once in a bar on a lonely thrusday evening drinking heroic amounts of black bush and guinness for free with the straight off the boat irish bartender and surfing for porn on the satellite dish as he decried the fact that one actually had to work to get by in america, "you fookin' americans work way too fookin' hard. as soon as i can save up, i'm going back to ireland to pick up my dole check and get fookin' high for a week. this place is fookin' nuts i tell ya."

we were the only two in the place when i got up to use the restroom. when i left the restroom i saw that another patron had entered the bar. my first thought - misanthrope that i am - was, "an entirely empty bar and she sits right effin' next to me. didn't she see my stuff there? christ."

she's been next to me ever since.


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SonofMammaMiaSam
#7american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 9:07am

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

So wait, Mrs. Mambo wasn't already drunk out of her mind when she met you?

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madbrian
#8american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 9:07am

Papa, does your wife know?


"It does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are 20 gods or no god. It neither picks my pocket, nor breaks my leg." -- Thomas Jefferson

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PalJoey
#9american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 9:20am

She's fookin' nuts i tell ya.


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nygrl232
#10american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 9:51am

If the person approaching you or next to you in whatever situation isn't creepy/smelly/deranged, then great. But that's fookin' rare.

JbaraFan1
#11american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 9:54am

Or the pleasure of the company of fellow human beings american sense of 'space'.

What a strange concept. american sense of 'space'.

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son_of_a_gunn_25
#12american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 9:54am

I think it goes back to manifest destiny. "Settle the Frontier! Spread out! Get your own piece of land!" This mindset was adopted when suburbanism was first really develped. Some cities zoning laws even forbid urban building codes without special permission. Now that the suburban bubble has gotten so big, people looked to larger and larger homes for their space. This need for more than we need is our Achilles heel on many levels. At least in my opinion. american sense of 'space'.


My avatar is a reminder to myself. I need lots of reminders...
Updated On: 1/14/09 at 09:54 AM

Phyllis Rogers Stone
#13american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 10:00am

I'm surprised those international guests were furious. You'd think as visitors to our country they would adapt to our customs. Doesn't the old meme go that Americans are terrible everywhere they go, but everyone else travels perfectly?

And I think anyone who sits down right next to someone in a movie theater when there are plenty of other seats available is a douche.


Updated On: 1/14/09 at 10:00 AM

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PalJoey
#14american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 10:08am

Especially if he places a large trenchcoat over his lap.


Gothampc
#15american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 10:12am

I think in restaurants part of it is a sense of privacy. People may want a few moments without someone hanging over them. I think in the Grand Canyon incident, perhaps people wanted to create a moment without having to adapt to strangers sharing it with them.

"Our international guests were always furious that they had to wait to eat when there were so many seats available."

Yeah, those ugly Americans you are always complaining about are kicking your butts for your treatment of them while they in your country. LOL.


If anyone ever tells you that you put too much Parmesan cheese on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

Radiana
#16american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:15am

My biggest problem is when you're in line at a check out counter and the next person is almost on top of you. Give me at least a little breathing room and don't be on top of me when I take out my credit card please.


I may not know a lot about theater but I know that I love it.

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Jane2
#17american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:24am

For me it depends on the occasion. Many times I want to share an experience with my friend whom I haven't seen in a long time and I would rather be alone with them. But I should be honest here - I'm NOT a people person.


<-----I'M TOTES ROLLING MY EYES

Gothampc
#18american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:25am

"My biggest problem is when you're in line at a check out counter and the next person is almost on top of you."

This is funny and an interesting study in human behavior. Sometimes when I'm in a long line, I will not "inch forward" on purpose. I think it makes some people mad that I don't fill up the gap, but my thought is why should I move foward two steps when the next time I can move forward four steps and make it feel like the line is really moving.


If anyone ever tells you that you put too much Parmesan cheese on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

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Reginald Tresilian
#19american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:29am

I agree with you, Radiana, though I hate the flip side of that too: when the person in front of you (usually a woman, in my experience*) clearly wants to take up as much space and time as possible. At the supermarket, they put their handbag and any other items they're carrying on the belt so you can't put your groceries there. They spend about 40 minutes looking through their purse. After they've paid, they spend another 20 repacking the groceries. Then they remember a coupon.

And then they turn and smile at you, as if to say "Aren't I darling?"

And I'm not talking elderly people. It really seems some sort of pathology to me. I encounter it at least once a week.

*Though I find this to happen by far more often with women, one of the worst was with a guy: normal looking, early 40s maybe. And he just wouldn't leave. The clerk was ringing up my groceries, and he was still standing there, putting on his gloves or something. Finally I just squeezed past him, so I could run my card through the scanner, and he got FURIOUS!

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nygrl232
#20american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:39am

Smokers have space issues. They foul up the air and don't care whom it affects, and at checkout counters, they'll try to get in their cigarette request as the person ahead of them is getting rung up. Someone did this recently when I was at the register, and I turned to him and said, "I'm not quite finished. Please wait your turn." He spewed a couple of obscenities at me. I just ignored him, and so did the cashier.

Phyllis Rogers Stone
#21american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:43am

Lord, don't you have an altercation in EVERY line you're in?

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StockardFan
#22american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:48am

I don't like people I don't know sitting right up next to me either.

And I guess it would depend in the restaurant situation. If I was on a date or it was a special evening, I might not want to be joined by another couple, but if it was just a regular evening out maybe?


KFTC!!!!!

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nygrl232
#23american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 11:53am

Altercation? No. It was some dumba*s having a bad day and getting ignored.

And if you're talking about the incident that happened a YEAR ago, well, that makes two lines total I've mentioned. So yeah. EVERY line I've been in.

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uncageg
#24american sense of 'space'.
Posted: 1/14/09 at 12:04pm

on the subject of supermarket...I am a smoker and I don't do that. I drop my food basket at the checkout (I use the express self checkout), run my discount card and walk up and get my pack of cigarettes. What I do hate are people who walk up to my checkout machine while I am waiting to get my cigarettes and try to use it even when my stuff is there and I have activated the checkout machine. It is also annoying when someone walks up behind me as I am scanning my last item. There is a waiting line for the express checkouts. There is no need to go stand behind someone while they are just scanning their last ite. It also annoys me when people ignore the 15 or less sign at the express checkout and then take forever scanning their items. I just witnessed this a half hour ago. 2 woman with a cart full of stuff and they acted like they had all day to check out while people waited. And it bugs me that the cashiers hardly ever do anything about it. They should program the machines to stop checking items after the 15th item. after all, it is the express checkout!

As far as restaurants, I wouldn't mind having people I don't know seated with me. it is a way to meet people. I met a guy at the theater in NYC and we ended up going for drinks after the show (Caroline or Chage) and talking for 2 hours. he had a boyfriend so he is not still next to me! (Cute story papa)


Just give the world Love. - S. Wonder


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