Biphobia in the gay community.Has anyone expierenced it?- Page 10

[Kringas]

Posted: 6/11/07 at 11:52am

I'm amazed that you just used the word dyke.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 6/11/07 at 11:54am

Isn't a dyke something you put your finger in to stop the seepage?

[romantico]

Posted: 6/11/07 at 11:58am

I was trying to make a point. I used the word fag in another post as well.

[mejusthavingfun]

Posted: 6/11/07 at 12:30pm

I don't think anyone assumes lying and cheating is exclusive to bisexuals, the problem isn't that at all.

The problem is the BIG lie. I'm not saying all bisexuals lie; I doubt bisexual women have to. The bi men I have met sure seem to live in a world of secrecy. I do know one bi-guy that is open to his wife (my ex) about his previous experiences, but not open to his family. I think that is rare. His wife is a little more open, but show me other women with this opinion. Why can’t bisexuals just be out?

A lot of gay men won’t date closeted gay men. This is for many reasons, but mainly because living a lie is just no way to live. It is a very closed existence. Closeted Bi-sexual men can cause unexpected drama. Drama that could easily be avoided if some simple information was shared. It has nothing to do with your sexuality, it is about the lie.

Now though bisexual men are more likely to share their "bisexuality readily with a gay man they are dating, (this bi thing is as overused as say “I’m Italian” on dating sites) most bisexual men NEVER share this information with their family, or the woman they are dating. Why the double standard?

You see gay men and women have learned the best way to make people deal with us is to come out. If we all come out, then people see us. Bisexuality is still very hidden. I think gays have fought a lot for bisexuals; it’s time for bisexuals to pick up the slack. Stop bitching about this self-hating crap and come out. Sure it’s scary, but you are never going to see change if you don’t sit in the front of the bus.

I’m not a straight woman, so I can’t speak for them.

Tell us Romantico who are you out to?

[romantico]

Posted: 6/11/07 at 12:39pm

Hey, I couldn't agree with you more regarding your question why can't more bisexuals be out. I think you got it right! I think that may be some of the problem. I for one hate the guys that use the term "Bi Curious' as if they are testing this whole bisexual thing out to see if its right for them. I for one am 100% out to everyone. I will agree with you that alot of bisexuals are not out or atleast not out to everyone. Perhaps this is where the commitment things comes in. Why commit to a guy if he himself is not 100% certain. However, that same rule can be played with gay men who are only out to their friends.

Great post MJHF!

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 11/6/07 at 8:55pm

Bisexuality for dummies

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 11/6/07 at 9:58pm

Is that how you talk on the first date?
How high or drunk were you?
Hey, how come Larry Craig can't be a "true" bisexual again? Because he cheats? I don't understand that logic. Aren't you judging him in the way you are railing against? Why CAN'T he be a straight man who just likes his kicks in a john from time to time?

And seriously, if you need an editor...Corine's isn't busy.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 11/6/07 at 10:33pm

Watch it again when you're sober?

You have to keep a video under 10 minutes, so apologies if it's a lot to swallow so quickly.

I don't believe a man can be straight and want to get off with men. Oh, I believe he can say he's straight and pretend to be straight. But, that man would be inherently bisexual.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 11/6/07 at 10:47pm

Biphobia is soooooo 2006. The new thing is transphobia.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 11/6/07 at 10:59pm

The newer thing is genderfuphobia.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 11/6/07 at 11:10pm

Never mind. I am just being cranky.

Updated On: 11/6/07 at 11:10 PM

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 11/6/07 at 11:33pm

Well, wouldn't ya know it I have a video on the Transgendered community as well. :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEVPAt8w_YM

But, I will have to learn more about genderfuphobia. It looks kinda kinky.

Sueleen--I am NEVER cranky. :)

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 11/6/07 at 11:40pm

You know what, Jerby? It would be great if all bi people were as gay-identified as you are.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 11/6/07 at 11:44pm

Well, it does suck that many people are bisexual and should at the very least walk into the voting booth as a member of the LGBT community--and they don't.

But this is a very complex issue--and there are all types of people behaving in all types of ways.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 11/6/07 at 11:47pm

Are you gay or bi? I'm confused now.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 12:38am

There's nothing to be confused by. In my daily life, (I do (as I talk about in that vid) what most people do who are 2s or 5s), I identify as gay. I'm in a relationship with a guy. I haven't dated a girl in 13 years. I'm a 5.

I do find some women very attractive. I have enjoyed my experiences with women very much. And when asked specifically or in the context of a dialogue such as this, I feel that it's important to clarify this truth. That if only 1s are truly heterosexual and 6s are homosexual, I am bisexual by that definition. And, if life had taken a different course (or should ever) it's entirely possible I could fall in love with a woman--who knows? It's just not likely as I only date men. And because our society does segregate things to a point that if I were to want to date women, it could be very difficult.

But my take on this issue is all about the gray areas and understanding the complexities--perhaps the fluidity--of sexuality. Particularly in juxtaposition with whether or not a person acts on or admits their true sexuality.

If you want this topic black and white, I'm not going to be able to accomodate that. I believe that the truth in this issue lies in the complexities and in unique human beings.

Updated On: 11/7/07 at 12:38 AM

[DG]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 12:43am

Personally, I find all the focus on sex and quantification very puritanical - and boring. Who really gives a damn except those who continue to live in fear or denial?

I couldn't possibly care less about the sexuality of anyone unless I'm naked with them.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 12:52am

Were you in long term relationships in those 13 years? Are you sure you just aren't gay and haven't been able to let go of the bisexual crutch?

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 12:59am

Well, show me when I have ever used a bisexual crutch.

And, no, I think I can pretty much compare myself to gay men who want nothing to do with the female sex organ where I very much enjoyed it.

I do not know what compels you to put me on the defense with this. It stuns me that any gay person can actually believe that it's ok to hold onto their prejudices or bigotries.

But so many do--many here--and that's why I have constantly taken a stand for bisexuals--whether or not I identify as one in my everyday life. People need to stop blaming the wrong people for the problems in our society.

Again--show me where I have ever used a bisexual crutch.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 1:02am

Even better--show me where I have not done enough to be a voice or to fight for the LGBT community--as a gay man. Show me that deficit.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 1:02am

I don't know. I just thirteen years is a long time. I don't know if I'd still call myself a smoker if I quit thirteen years ago.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 1:13am

Oh. So, you couldn't call yourself gay as a kid or teen until you actually started dating/sleeping with men?

Sexuality doesn't work that way.

And it hasn't been 13 years since I found a woman attractive.

[DMsquared2]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 2:33am

My dad is bi, I'm gay and my mom and dad have been happily married for 33+ years.

This wasn't something my dad told my mom until about four years after I came out (but that's a completely different story). Quite frankly, at first I wish he hadn't told me because when he did I thought he was confessing to cheating on my mom. I also was angry with him because I felt that he should have been more vocal about his feelings when I came out.

In short, he did not and he has not cheated on my mom and the experience made me realize how quick I was to stereotype bisexuality.

Last spring, I took an Intro. to LGBT Studies class and my professor, a bi woman herself, is very passionate about biphobia. She co-authored the book, Bi Any Other Name: Bisexuals Speak Out.

(Perhaps this is something you should check out, romantico)

[DG]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 2:35am

PRS - are you being serious in this debate, or are you just pushing buttons? Your stance as presented is, shall we say, 'limited in scope'.

[cturtle]

Posted: 11/7/07 at 6:47am

i'm a 5.5 on the kinsey scale, so it's completely reasonable to me that someone can be a 3.0.

btw ... DG, i tried to reply to your kind PM, but your PMing must have gotten turned off